Melting Shoulders

Melting Shoulders April 7, 2014

The Ogre’s sister is here visiting for a week. She’s been living in Rome since before Sienna was born, and she finally moved back this past summer. She hasn’t seen us in nearly two years, so it’s been a long-awaited visit, especially for the Ogre. He thinks she’s the best influence ever on me, since I have a dreadful habit of compulsively apologizing, and it irritates her, so she punches me whenever I say “sorry”.

But anyway, we went to the beach on Saturday. I don’t know why we don’t go to the beach more often, because I really love going before the weather gets too warm and the water feels like a bathtub. Here are some pictures:

The Ogre watching the minions build a sandcastle
What’s a beach trip without a squinty-eyed selfie?
It was all too much fun for Linc

Being of pale-faced and uncertain European descent, I dutifully slathered myself and the children with ALL THE SUNSCREEN. The Ogre and Zia, however, shrugged their Greek shoulders and embraced the sun with all the confidence of Icarus.

Then they got sunburned to hell. Also like Icarus.

Apparently the sunburn left a deep impression on Liam’s psyche, however, since he woke up in the middle of the night (which he never does) and said, in a trembling voice, “if Daddy’s shoulders are melted I will be so sad.”

I groggily hugged him and put him back to bed, but in the morning he woke me up even more frantic. “Are Daddy’s shoulders melted?” he asked insistently. “Did the bad guy melt them?”

This was the theme of our day. Even after I woke the Ogre up and showed Liam his intact-if-bright-red shoulders, Liam was still extremely worried about the possibility of the bad guy, who was undoubtedly a feature in an exceptionally strange nightmare, melting Daddy’s shoulders.

We talked about it 5600 times yesterday, and 35 times this morning.

My kids have had some weird phobias over the years. Charlotte’s inexplicable terror of the UNLV bell tower was particularly strange. But I think the fear of melting shoulders has taken us to a whole new level. An even weirder, even creepier level.

I just really hope melting shoulders don’t work their way into family joke night, because then I will be scared.

Do me a favor and tell me that your kids are as strange as mine? Even if they’re not, just pretend. Please?

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