RED BUD, AR – Multiple sources confirm that Alex Ross, former youth pastor at 1st Red Bud Church of Spiritual Victory, was terminated last Sunday because he was “unable to grow a goatee”
Senior pastor of the church commented from the pulpit, “We love Alex and wish him the best, but as of today he is no longer employed by the church. If you can’t grow facial hair you can’t grow the faith of our kids.”
Jamie Wilson, an elder at 1st RBCSV, commented on the decision, “It was the right thing to do. Alex will only ever be as gospel-centered as his facial hair. We gave him plenty of chances, offered him creams and dietary supplements. We even put him under church discipline, but he refused to do it. We can not tolerate that kind of insubordination in the church.”
Ironically, when members of the congregation were interviewed they had nothing but positive things to say about their former youth pastor. “Alex will be missed. My son came to know Jesus through his teaching and his examples,” stated one mother.
Alex Ross was unable to be reached for comments, but sources close to him stated he was seen later that evening tearing up his Masters of Divinity Diploma.
Editorial Note: This post, like all of the other posts in the Satire section of our webpage, are fake and exist for no other purpose than to you make you laugh.
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In