Dave Willis
A lesson on forgiveness
In these months of separation, I have struggled with forgiving my husband. I began to get diligent with praying that God teach me how to forgive him. I began to focus on praying for a forgiving heart and the ability to glorify God in my decisions and thoughts. I realized I wanted no root of unforgiveness in my life, but still felt so hurt. I began to be led to pray for blessings for my husband. I remember thinking you have got to be kidding right now. How about I just pray that he figures out what a mess he has made. Then I heard a small still voice, “Every one of you have made a mess. I forgave you and want good for you, even though your sins have hurt me. You don’t deserve forgiveness either. Your choice to forgive your husband is one of love and grace and has nothing to do with if he deserves it or not.” I put my running shoes on that day and went running repeating over and over “Bless him” with every step. I did it out of obedience to God, not because I felt like it. It is still a daily decision I make to forgive him and pray blessings on him. I want no root of bitterness and have become even more aware of the amazing gift of mercy and grace God gave me. Ultimately God is God. He is the only one capable of administering fair punishment. That is not my job. My job is to glorify His nature, which is one of love and grace.
A lesson on focus
God is teaching me the importance of focus. “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things.” Phillipians 4:8. I read this verse for like the billionth time in my life the other day when something hit me. I mean what is all of this? It occurred to me that the only thing that all these adjectives describes completely is God Himself. We as humans may have moments of nobleness or goodness or pureness but we inevitably fall short. If we focus or think about people all the time we will be disappointed. If our focus is on Christ, then we suddenly can see humanity for what it is. We will disappoint and hurt each other because we are human and not GOD. We all have a sin nature which is why we need Jesus in the first place. When I focus on Christ, I suddenly become so grateful for my Savior and for grace. I can love people, not for what they do for me or how they treat me, but because they are people – wonderful creations of God with both strengths and weaknesses. Loving God’s people does not necessarily mean denying the hurt or living in unhealthy circumstances. Loving people is choosing to give those hurts to God who is the only one capable of healing them and choosing to react with forgiveness and grace.
A lesson on purpose
My circumstances have challenged me in ways I never saw coming. Ever since I was a child I longed to be a mom and a wife. Obviously, my circumstances or ones of loss and brokenness. They are circumstances in which one is forced to re-evaluate things like purpose. As I write this I realize that I could choose to be devastated that my plans did not work out. But when did God ever promise me to do things to my specifications? I have decided instead to take my dreams and my future to god. I trust that He has good in store and I am letting go of what I thought my purpose would be. I am starting to realize what a blessing it is to have to opportunity to be part of God’s plans. He is more than able to make beauty from my ashes.
My final lesson is what changed everything...
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