Ransom has been in young 3’s pre-school for 2.5 weeks now & I fear we have all ready established the “those kind of parents” reputation.Oy.
First of all, we registered late and then came late to the orientation, and then Dave had to leave early.It was obvious.Because we were late, we are the only parents who aren’t signed up to help drive for the field trips… all year.
Then, because of my own trifliness of reading his schedule wrong, Ransom missed his first day.I just looked at the sheet all wrong.
On Ransom’s actual 1st day I couldn’t even be there b/c I had class so Dave just dropped him off –no pics, special hugs, nothin’.I’m sure we looked like uncaring parents.
Then, each parent has to do some craft preparation and the craft we were supposed to do, Dave picked up on Tuesday (on his days) & forgot to give it to me until Thursdays (my days) which also happened to be the day it was due… so, the Clifford cut-out ears were late.
Then, they gave us a fundraiser packet in which we were supposed to sell $80 worth of cookies, coffee & chocolate covered pretzels.I lost it.When I found it I was able to sell $12 worth of coffee to my mother’n’law.Then it was late.The instructions said that if your child has a lot of siblings and you are overwhelmed with fundraisers then you can just write a check for $40 –because the pre-school depends on the fundraisers to pay for field trips.So, I turned in the $40 –late.
Is there a category for missionaries who are all ready overwhelmed with their own fundraising & currently in a huge deficit?They said they do this so that parents don’t have to pay an extra $40 on tuition.I’d rather pay. $40, $80 — $100 even! J
No one has said to us, “oh, those kind of parents,” but I feel like it I can feel it when I pick him up…. Like ‘oh, that’s the one whose kids book-bag is to big to fit in his cubby hole and the kid who had an accident on the playground… and the parents who were responsible for the Clifford craft falling through & aren’t those the parents who were late to orientation & then left early as well?’
Well, maybe their not keeping track but I am.I feel like such a dork for not being more on top of all this new stuff.It makes me feel like your classic last born…. And a bad mother to boot.
And then Dave & I are both last borns… neither of us ever bothering ourselves or taking on the troubles of our families & friends… we are ‘taken care of’ not the care-takers.It’s taken me like the last 10 years to learn appropriate responsibility for myself & others.Together our marriage has been one big ball of irresponsibility & we are still trying to get this right.
And now Ransom looks at me & says, “mama, where is my backpack for pre-school?” And –in my head- I think, “why can’t you find your own backpack what do I look like your mother?”And then I say to myself, “Gracee, he is your responsibility, find his backpack you slouch of a mother.”And then I am aware of the need to be kind to myself & so I say, “look, it’s okay this time, just organize his stuff, find the backpack and don’t worry about it…losing a backpack & not cutting Clifford ears is not the mark of a bad mother.”“Well, okay, I will try to believe you.”
And so there it is. I’m trying.
And I’m trying not to believe that all of the moms, dads & teachers at Ran’s pre-school don’t think were bad parents… and if they do, oh well.