I’ve Been Delivered

I used to get excited when someone contacted me on Facebook. There were thoughts about potential and wide-eyed curiosity about the world. I made friends over the years and contacts that I was able to visit in Africa and Belgium. Some of those relationships are still intact today that are precious to me from that period. I didn’t know then what I know now. I’ve been delivered from religion.

The Religious Agenda

Now, I see through the Christian platitudes, the “God bless you’s”. The religious have an agenda far more than any gay individual does. Gays don’t want to make anyone gay.

I see the people with titles like, “Pastor, Apostle, Prophet Dave”, and it makes me instantly feel some kinda way. What I’m telling you is that I know how to read and speak bullshit religious banter and I recognize it. It’s like an ex-smoker that can smell it when someone is smoking near them. I’ve been delivered from religion and it’s agenda.

Skilled at interrogation

I remember how I used to size people up. Oh, I didn’t do it consciously, but it happened. I would figure out where their weakness was and that is what I focused on until they cracked. Once you exercise discernment, it becomes a sharp tool in your religious arsenal. I was skilled in getting to the heart of the matter so that I could convert people to my “faith”. I’ve been delivered from religion and the need to convert people to it.

I’ve Got A New Attitude

I admit, I am now somewhat impatient with the religious. Why? Because I know what is coming ninety-nine percent of the time; the line of crap that follows. I know what my new “friend” who has a self-proclaimed title in Christianity is going to do when I come out of my closet. I’ve seen it over and over again in the past decade or so. I’ve been delivered from religion, and I can’t have a one sided conversation with someone who is not listening to me.

My non-Religious Closet

When I talk about coming out, I’m not even referring to that “gay closet”, I’m talking about the non-religious closet. The one that always has to explain to someone who is ingrained in their religious system why I do or don’t do what they do. I get tired of being on the defensive, and I don’t find it even necessary anymore. I’ve been delivered from religion and the need to argue about it.

When You Don’t Convert, They Get Bent

The outcome is the same for the religious mind as it was when the writers told the story of Jesus so long ago; offense. The religiously indoctrinated person is looking for you to join their club and when you don’t, they will become offended. It’s either that, or they have to listen to you. I’ve been delivered from religion and it’s offended followers.

Wholesome Interactions

There have been those that have come to me since I left the church who are honestly seeking. They have disconnected from the religious hive mind. They are no longer programmed and have begun to think for themselves. These are the individuals I have experienced love and fellowship with. They are the ones that can honestly say we “don’t know it all”. I’ve been delivered from religion and sometimes I find others that have been delivered too.

Looking Over My Shoulder

I know that I have disconnected from the matrix. Sometimes I miss the hive mind, that collective consciousness that has everyone speaking the same language. I don’t miss the Christianese as much as just feeling a part of something in the physical. I have found this walk to be a lonely one, the road less traveled, the narrow way. The innocence I held onto back then allowed me to follow blindly and feel that God was happy with me. Works based righteousness is easy. That’s why so many people fall for it. I’ve been delivered from religion and I can’t go back there; it’s impossible.

“Welcome to the fold, Mr. Jones, now lay back and enter the matrix, everything will be just fine. We’ll take it from here.”

I Still Believe

I long for family barbecues with my “real” spiritual family, the folks who are out there, winging it, on their own. They, like me have stepped outside of their religion and have begun walking in their wilderness. Even though I long for their company, I have never been successful at putting together any cohesive collective outside of religion. I have been delivered from religion and I still believe.

More Than Glue?

Does it take religion to make it happen? Is religion the glue that holds us together as humans in a collective? Do we need to have a hierarchy to function? Are we solitary birds outside of religion, unable to connect to the flock? These are questions I’ve asked myself over the years. I tried a gathering, but when it didn’t cost a couple hundred bucks, people didn’t want to come. We place value on things that cost. Then there were the people I asked to help and how they fought over “who gets to speak”. The hierarchy reared it’s head when I simply wanted a get together with no agenda. I’ve been delivered from religion and I don’t know how to plan a family get together.

What Happens to the Disjointed?

I wonder a lot and I wander as well. I see others that started out on the same path, walking away from religion. They built followings and then went all wacky. Others became so reclusive that I don’t know what happened to them. Some actually went back to church. That shocked me. I work and live now and I belong, but not really. There are no deep friendships in my life now because so few understand me and what I have been through. I wish things were different but I don’t know how to make that happen. I’ve been delivered from religion and I can now admit that I don’t know a thing.

“Everything I believe is by faith alone.”