3 Ingredients for Parental Sanity in Kids’ Competitive Sports

Last updated on: February 28, 2016 at 9:55 am By Jennifer Fitz

So I developed a new rule this weekend: If watching your child play sports causes you to spew f-bombs at your own child’s team, it’s time for family counseling.

Thomas Wurtz has a great article up at CatholicMom.com on signs that competitive athletics are turning you into a monster. After bouncing a number of thoughts off my daughter over the past several months, I’d like to suggest a few things I’ve identified that keep sports sane.

1. The Decision to Play is a Decision for Today Only

When you have a child who is interested in competitive play — as opposed to strictly recreational participation — you can quickly end up taking on massive commitments of time and money. I don’t think this is a racket necessarily, though there are better- and worse-managed teams and leagues. The reality is that someone has to pay for the coaches and the facilities, and if your child is the one playing, that person is probably you. We’re so used to publicly-subsidized education that we forget all this stuff costs money. It’s not the job of your fellow citizens to foot the bill for your child’s expensive hobbies.

Now there is a possibility that your investment in your child’s athletic career will lead one day to a college scholarship or some other big prize. That may even be your child’s goal — why not? There’s nothing wrong with setting personal goals and trying to achieve them.

But watch out: If you are married to that goal, you will soon hate your child.

Soon, your child will have a bad game, or get distracted, or come up against a more committed or more talented competitor. Furthermore, your child might get a few years down the path and decide to change goals. Perhaps it wasn’t a realistic plan. Perhaps your child develops a new interest, or decides that the commitment required to continue at an elite level isn’t worth the trade-offs.

If you wish to be sane, every time you lay down your savings to fund the next season or set aside your evenings and weekends to attend games, you have to be confident that it’s worth the expenditure even if it is only for right now.

Even if tomorrow my child gets permanently sidelined through some terrible misfortune, it was worth the investment for what she received in formation today. Even if tomorrow my child loses all interest and turns to a life of stamp-collecting, it was worth the investment for what she received in formation today.

If you are unable to walk away with no regrets, you aren’t ready to make this commitment.

2. Don’t Spend More Than You Can Afford

“We gave up everything for you!” “We’ve spent all this time and money for you, and that’s how you play??”

When I see parents berating their children after a game, I often see evidence of strain. The parents have chosen to spend more money or more time than they could afford, and now they resent their child for failing to pay back the loan.

Is it really fair to hold your child responsible for your poor ability to manage your resources? Does your child really have to make up for your bad budgeting by bringing home so many trophies in compensation?

You are the grown-up. It is your responsibility to live within your means. The education you give your children isn’t a business deal, it’s your gift to them.

By all means, choose gifts your child is able to appreciate and benefit from. If your child isn’t growing into a better person through the gift of sports, find a different gift next season. But don’t blame your child for failing to pay back a loan you never should have taken out in the first place.

3. Own Your Decisions

Sure, any of us parents might grumble and roll our eyes a little when we have to drag ourselves out of bed at some ridiculous hour on a Saturday morning in order to get to the game. That’s different from behaving as if your child is somehow the one heading the family and setting the schedule.

You made the decision to sign the forms allowing your child to play. You made the decision to pay for the coaching and equipment and the travel expenses. You made the decision to adhere to the schedule and give over your time. You aren’t a slave. You freely chose this life. Don’t blame your kid.

If you’ve set conditions on your child’s continued participation, you’re free to stick to them. Either she practices enough at home or she doesn’t get to play again next season. Either she advances at the agreed-upon pace, or we move on to some other activity. That’s fair. But when you sign up at the start of the season, you’re making the decision to commit for now even if in the end she doesn’t play well enough to continue.

If you can’t be at peace with the reality that your child might not meet your expectations, don’t sign up. No matter what standards you set, implicit in your agreement is the possibility your child won’t meet the standards, and therefore the agreed-upon consequence will follow. If your idea of a fair agreement is that your child is going to be cussed out and belittled for failing to meet spec, now’s a good time for that family counseling.

Do You Have to Be Mean In Order to Get Your Child to Perform?

No. If your child is not largely self-motivated, competitive sports are a bad idea. It’s possible that you have a child who will respond to your threats and bitterness by practicing harder in a desperate attempt to earn your love or shut you up, but that’s not the relationship you’re trying to cultivate. Sports aren’t worth destroying your connection with your child. Doing hard things together ought to draw you closer to each other, not farther apart.

If your child does want to perform well, but perhaps sometimes lacks the discipline to follow through on her goals, then it’s fair to provide some back-up assistance in the self-control department. “You said you wanted to get better, and we agreed that twenty minutes of working on your skills every afternoon was the way to do that. So please put your phone away and go outside and practice.” No need to yell. No need to carry on. If it’s making you or your child angry, something’s wrong.

Friendly parent-coaching does require you to substitute fear and intimidation for consistency and self-control. We parents are limited in how much of the latter we have to give. It’s possible you are unable to provide the amount of loving help your child needs in order to perform well. In that case, reconsider whether competitive sports are the best way to spend your family’s time.

Artwork by Raffaello Fabio Ducceschi (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0], via Wikimedia Commons. See the whole collection here.

Bad Business: Land’s End Goes Over the Edge

Last updated on: February 25, 2016 at 12:32 am By Jennifer Fitz

I haven’t written up a business case study in ages, but the latest Land’s End fiasco was fodder for discussion among the family this evening. A few quick points that I think shed light on Steinem debacle.

As my beloved finance professor always said, financial reports contain no answers, only questions. Still, you can take a look at Land’s End’s financials here, and the Q3 2015 earnings report is chilling. All is not well.

The brand has been losing itself for years. My husband (tall, thin, hard-to-fit) purchased Land’s End slacks since before I ever met him a quarter-century ago. Eventually he had to write them and explain that he wouldn’t be purchasing their products any longer because the sizing and quality had become unpredictable. He didn’t mind paying a premium for well-made clothing, but he wasn’t going to gamble.

The kids and I hung on a little longer, but when our local Sears closed we lost the option of free returns. I’m not interested in paying return shipping for items that don’t fit, and my children are hard to fit. We had a few quality issues as well. The relationship fizzled.

Meanwhile, Land’s End was growing its school uniforms business, if the catalogs and local customer-base are to be believed. School uniforms appeal to people who like order, tradition, and preppiness. A year or two ago, the uniform catalog shows up, and all the kid-models are doing that disaffected, slovenly thing that’s been all the rage on album covers these last forty years. I had to ask myself: Are there really parents who were hemming and hawing over how many school-color polos to purchase, but they were inspired by the association with disheveled hair and untucked oxford-cloths hanging out from under the crewneck sweaters?

I considered the possibility that I was too far removed from popular culture, but it seemed to me that the uniform catalog was the one place a vendor might risk sending the message, “We’re dropping $15K a year on prep school because we aren’t like the Great Unwashed.”

In other pieces of the retail pie, Lands End has been heretofore popular with conservative Catholics. You know, the ardently pro-life types. We are a minority, but we procreate. My own family had to quit buying our girls’ dresses from LE when they raised the hemlines (long legs — see “tall father” above — thus knee-length to you isn’t knee-length to us) but our short friends swore by the modest, timeless styles. [This despite that thing they did a couple years back where they mailed Glamour magazine subscriptions, unasked-for, to their catalog customers. Um, yeah, my recycle bin ate that one up real fast.]

Still, you could see the struggle on the pages of the catalogs. There was the creation of an edgier Starfish brand-within-the-brand aimed at ladies who didn’t feel comfortable with stodgy old Mom’s Land’s End, but I guess they couldn’t help looking, like hipsters sneaking a peak at Reader’s Digest in Grandma’s bathroom. Comfort waist? We don’t see no stinkin’ comfort waist.

It’s an age-old struggle for any business that lives long enough, trying to keep your old customers and get new ones too. I don’t really know what portion of sales came from each of Land’s End’s types of customers, but I’m beginning to think they don’t know either.

I say that because into all the struggle they throw Gloria Steinem? Gloria who isn’t just a founding-mother of the sexual revolution, she also just insulted the political intelligence of all the 20-something Democrat girls? That Gloria? Really? It was the last straw. Open your new spring catalog with someone who is likely to offend both your stalwart conservative, family-centered mom-shopper and your coveted next-generation younger female shopper? This was not wise.

And keep in mind: No one was looking for interviews in the Land’s End catalog in the first place. We’re looking for mix-n-match swimsuit separates and a new color cardigan, thanks.

I’d be fascinated to look at the internal financials and operations and find out what else might be amiss at Land’s End. But from a business perspective, the causes of the company’s income-problems are written all over the catalogs: Here is a company that does not know its customers.

Other high-end prep-style retailers are flourishing, and Land’s End, which ought to have that market sewn up, is floundering. My teenage daughter who follows all things prep-style points out they could have made a killing just marketing that anchor-logo, but instead Vinyard Vine and Simply Southern (and sheesh even Target with its Lilly Pulitzer release) get those buyers.

More disturbing, the Steinem disaster suggests Land’s End doesn’t understand American culture, period. One has to wonder how a major American retailer could be unaware that abortion is one of the most divisive topics in American politics, and that Americans find political debate to be uncomfortable and unpleasant? Social media (see: Facebook, hangout of the Land’s End customer) is rife with people who are literally ending friendships over firmly-voiced political opinions, and you want to wade into that? Person trying to make a living pleasing everybody?

It reads like one of those cautionary tales they teach you in the “International Business” chapter of your b-school case studies. Don’t wave your shoes at the Saudis, don’t sell a car named “No Va” in Latin America, and don’t try to enamor yourself with Americans by wading into a political fight. Sheesh Land’s End. No wonder.

File:The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle 08.jpg

Artwork: Illustration of the Sherlock Holmes short story The Blue Carbuncle, which appeared in The Strand Magazine in January, 1892. Original caption was “HE BURST INTO CONVULSIVE SOBBING.” [Public Domain] via Wikimedia.

On the Forming of Young Christians

Last updated on: February 24, 2016 at 8:11 pm By Jennifer Fitz

The plan, if all my paperworking comes to fruition, is for 4/4ths of my children to undertake radically different modes of education next year. Said plan involves one parochial school, one public school, and one homeschool (mine).

This is by no means the first time my husband and I have changed tack in our children’s formation. One would hope that my 15-year-old is not receiving the same sort of formal education we started with when he was five (though there are fascinating similarities). It certainly isn’t the first time we’ve outsourced some portion of our children’s education to friends or strangers. It is, however, our first time making the jump in legal status and social status that comes with a change in the answer to the question, “Where do you go to school?”

Thus I wish to talk about the idea of Christian formation.

***

To form something requires force. By force, though, we don’t need to mean violence or coercion or any sort of unpleasantness. I can be formed, changed for the better, by the forces of my friend’s love, her good example, her kind words. Think of a potter forming clay: The artist takes in mind the qualities of the clay and chooses ways of shaping and changing the clay until what was once a lump of wet dirt becomes something entirely different.

Humans, of course, are not lumps of dirt. We parents aren’t artists who bring handfuls of mud into the world for the purpose of one day having better knick-knacks on the occasional table. We do, however, get to choose some of the forces that will be exerted on our children, and those forces will have their effect in shaping the people our children will one day be.

Thus when I think about my children’s formation, what I am thinking about is what sorts of forces I want to add into their lives.

***

One reason parents are chosen by God to be the primary educators of their children is that they possess a natural love for their children that impels them to seek their children’s highest good. Another reason is that we the parents know our children more intimately than outsiders do. We are thus in a position to best discern what kinds of forces would benefit this particular child at this particular moment.

***

Children, meanwhile, are forces themselves. When I ask, “What is the best course of education for my son?” I have to consider not only what his school or his textbooks or his teacher will bring to the classroom, but what he himself will bring. What kind of boy is he? What kind of response will he have to this mode of education or that one?

When he was five, the answer to that question led me to institute fake reading lessons. He was a boy who wanted to learn to read, but who had not yet acquired the cognitive agility necessary to pull off the task. We stalled by practicing our letters and reading lots of books aloud, but never quite moving on to the actual reading of words until the force that was his brain reached the appropriate point of development.

When he was seven, the answer to that question led me down the library stairs to adult non-fiction, for the force that was his brain had no use for easy readers.

I don’t therefore propose that the Osprey military history series be laid down as the standard fare for middle-elementary school. I do propose that when choosing books for your children, you consider what sort of children they are.

***

Meanwhile, another story.

Imagine for a moment that you knew a young woman who’d recently returned to the Catholic faith after years away from the Church. What sort of formation would you propose for her, to help her grow in her newly-rediscovered faith? Imagine she lived in one of those Bible Belt towns where the most vibrant corners of the religious scene were dominated by Evangelical Christians who pulled disaffected Catholics into their folds by droves.

Were I advising her, of course I’d suggest she seek out Catholic friends to help her grow in her faith. I would never prescribe a course of formation that consisted of spending the bulk of her free time among non-Catholics and even avowed anti-Catholics. I wouldn’t suggest the best way to strengthen her faith would be that she regularly seek the company of people who considered Catholicism strange and unnecessary at best, and likewise the company of those who were actively seeking to rescue her from the Catholic faith.

But we are each a force in ourselves. Having been that girl, and having spent the first ten years of my return to the Church in just that environment, I am entirely certain that had I not been subject to the intense and unremitting force of my non-Catholic Christian friends, I would not be half the Catholic I am today.

I still don’t advise people to seek Catholic formation outside the Church — but my own life is a testament to the strange ways that we can be formed for the better by forces that ought to have done just the opposite. Think again of that clay. There are times when a good pounding or scraping is just what the future vessel requires.

***

Where is God in all this?

When I consider my children’s formation, I have to recognize two terrifying forces in their lives: My free will and theirs.

God leaves me free to make harmful decisions on their behalf. I can choose the wrong course out of willful ignorance, out of laziness, out of selfishness.

They, too, have the freedom to respond to the perfect education with perfect wretchedness. My husband and I and the Lord together could each of us do everything just as we ought, and our children remain free to reject it all and go their own way.

At the same time, I can trust that God supplies what is necessary. I lack omniscience. I make the best decision that I can, and have to trust that God will turn for good my unknowing failures. I lack omnipotence. I have to choose among the educational and parenting choices that are in fact presented to me, and trust that God will turn for good the unavoidable evils those choices include.

God doesn’t promise us the ideal. We must choose among a small collection of imperfect options.

He likewise doesn’t promise to sweep up behind our every freely-chosen sin, no-harm-no-foul. As complex and personal as educational decisions are, there remain wrong decisions. In trying to choose what is “right for us” I don’t therefore say that any choice is just as right as the next. My ability to make good decisions for my children is only meritorious inasmuch as I’m also able to make bad ones.

***

So: Christian formation. I have a house with four young Christians in it and two older ones.

If you ask me why I’m changing course for the coming year, the answer is not complicated. We’ve taken stock, as best we can, of the genuine needs of our children and their parents over the next year or two, with longer-term questions in the backs of our minds. We’ve looked at our set of options as best we know them, and considered what forces for good or ill each offers. We’ve considered how each choice might weigh on the others, for I am not educating four isolated individuals, I am educating four children whose lives are intricately intertwined.

After all the observing and thinking and reassessing were done, we picked among our several options, lived with them a bit, and reviewed them again.

Because we are not omniscient, we can’t know whether we have chosen perfectly, and we cannot know whether some radical life change awaits us in the years ahead. We can anticipate some of the counter-forces we’ll need to bring alongside (an earlier bedtime comes to mind), but as always we’ll simply have to see what happens and adjust as needed.

This is parenting. Education is just parenting. Discipleship is just parenting. It isn’t complicated and it doesn’t require any grand theories. It just takes an unrelenting commitment to pursuing the good of the other as best we are able.

That’s Christian formation.

Photo: Ian Mackenzie High School Classroom, South Africa. [Public Domain] via Wikimedia.

So You Want to Be a (Better) Catholic Writer? Sign Up ASAP.

Last updated on: February 16, 2016 at 3:53 pm By Jennifer Fitz

Karina Fabian reminds you that now is the time to sign up for the Catholic Writers Conference Online:

CWCO2016 is almost here! It’s set for March 4-6, and all the terrific details are at http://catholicwritersconference.com. It’s $40 for nonmembers, $25 for CWG members. Drop by the website and register soon. Registration ends Feb 27 or when we get 200 attendees. It’s been a long haul for Laura Lowder and I. We’ve been recruiting speakers for months, working on the new webinar software and putting together a huge amount of publicity and training materials we’ll be sharing with attendees. We have 24 presentations and 6 pitch sessions with Catholic and secular publishers. . . . If you can watch YouTube or use a chat like Facebook Messenger, then you have all the skills you need to participate. We have presenters covering all aspects of writing, faith and literature. Are you ready to take your writing to the next level? Let us help you! Sign up for the CWCO 2016 today! http://www.anymeeting.com/PIID=EC51DE87844F3B

Why do I suggest you attend? Because I would not be a professional writer if it weren’t for these online conferences hosted by the Catholic Writers Guild.

***

Way back when I was just an anonymous mom-blogger, someone pointed me to the CWG’s online conference one year. I signed up. It was something I could do from home, without needing to hire a babysitter, so I figured it was worth a look.

The first year, I learned about six thousand ways to improve my writing. I also began to learn more about the business side of writing, something I had never understood before. I made a few changes to the way I was blogging, and began, for the first time in my life, to see how it might be possible to do the kinds of writing I really loved.

I went back again the next year, and learned a pile more. I was also starting to make friends in the Catholic writing world — nobody famous, but I was meeting other up-and-coming writers.

Over the next few years I got involved in the Catholic Writers Guild. I started volunteering. I took my blogging to the next level. By the time I had a book to write (this one), I had both the skills and the support I needed to get my manuscript published.

I can honestly say that without the Catholic Writers Guild’s online conferences, I wouldn’t be writing for Patheos and I wouldn’t be published. I know other people do just fine going it alone, but I’m not one of those people. The CWG gave me the community and the skills I needed to set realistic goals and achieve them.

And finally: The Catholic Writers Guild has been a font of friendship. You won’t find a more genuine, caring, and faithful bunch anywhere else. We are faithful to the Magisterium, we are devoted to Jesus Christ, and we’re normal people who just want to help each other become the writers God has called us each to be.

If that sounds like who you are and what you want, check out the online conference.

Images courtesy of the Catholic Writers Guild.

Is Catholic Lent Too Easy? + Lent-o-Rama – UPDATED

Last updated on: February 9, 2016 at 4:58 pm By Jennifer Fitz

UPDATED: Ted Seeber saves Lent by reminding me that no Lent-o-Rama is complete without This Time of Forty Days. I love you, so I post it here:

Now resuming our previously written post . . .

A friend posted this useful infographic on Lenten basics, but observed that the current norms seem like an awfully light penance. They are. At this time, the Church has, in her wisdom, chosen to throw out a little test: Are you in or aren’t you?

Are you so very intractable, so very rebellious, that you have to second guess everything?

On the lax end of the spectrum, we have Catholics who feel that even our very light communal penance is just not on point, and it would be more fruitful to do some other thing. On the scrupulous end, there are those who poo-poo easy penances. Go big or go home, they say. And then there’s the annual, “What about the vegetarians?!” As if people who spend all year long never, ever, eating any bacon at all need any help from the bishops on how to get penitential.

Americans are disobedient people. Question Authority is our national slogan. So our annual penance is to be asked to undertake something very simple. Our penance is written with the average, normal-person’s ordinary life in mind. The only question is: Will you do it or won’t you?

***

Here’s something exciting for my non-Catholic friends: Why yes, you may go get ashes at a Catholic church. That is, assuming you’re a wretched sinner who’d like to undertake a bit of public penance. You’re welcome to show up and get smeared same as the rest of us. Come on in, the dirt is wonderful.

***

Meanwhile, some Lenten links:

Tom Zampino gets right to the heart of Lent. Quick, short reflection to put your brain on straight.

Fr. Christopher Smith’s guide to Lent, Holy Week and Easter is linked here. It is excellent, don’t miss it.

Lisa Duffy writes about the Litany of Humility. I can attest to the goodness of this prayer. Try it, you’ll like it.

Julie Davis updated her list of Lenten movies. I see that Into Great Silence isn’t on there, but we can still be friends.

Tom McDonald has a review of the history of Lent and its affiliate observances. (Hint: Tom’s your guy for cool history stuff.)

Dave Armstrong writes about the Biblical Evidence for Mortification and the Biblical Evidence for Lent. I see more and more Protestant congregations going Lent-y, so that tells me he’s not the only one.

Melinda Selmys throws down the gauntlet. If your Lent is too easy it’s your own fault, and she’s available with a list of penances guaranteed to pull you out of your pit of self-indulgence. She’s not kidding, either.

But suppose you actually stink at penance. Here are my tips on thwarting the meat demon, and here are more strategies for meatless Fridays, including some comments on continuing throughout the year.

Regardless of where you scourge yourself on the penitential spectrum, here are my thoughts on how to choose a decent penance for yourself.

If you are looking for books to read, I stand by this list. One of them has already been pulled back out again for the third or fourth year in a row. On that list is Father Longenecker’s Gargoyle Code, and since then I’ve also read Slupgrip Instructs and heartily recommend it as well, if you are the right reader.

Meanwhile, last year’s thoughts on penance:

If you want to know what you love, look at what you are willing to suffer for.

The suffering we accept willingly is the most honest of measure of who we are and what we are about.

Here’s my defense of Ashtags, which you shouldn’t indulge in if you are prone to vanity. But if you wish to assure you friends that yes, you’re aware of your wretchedness, there you are. When they hit the “like” button, you’ll all know exactly what it means.

That link also has the Dies Irae on it, which maybe they’ll play at your church tomorrow. If not, the Internet is here for you. You’re welcome.

And with that, I really must go put away my Christmas decorations.

What’s with all those very small boys with candles? I’m seeing a theme here. We make it tame by calling it “Light of the World.” But really, it’s about setting things on fire, isn’t it?

Me with ashes on my forehead, 2015. — Last year’s ashes. Father was totally on his game.

Does Eating Doritos Make You More Human?

Last updated on: February 9, 2016 at 12:17 pm By Jennifer Fitz

We watched most of the Superbowl (go cats!), the Downton hour excepted, and we thought the Doritos commercial was sorta funny. NARAL was mortified at the way the commercial “humanized” the baby on the ultrasound, and the counter-reaction seems to be missing something important in that protest: the Doritos.

Let’s take NARAL at their word, for a moment, and examine what it was about this ultrasound that was different from every other:

The baby expressed clear personal preferences and acted on them.
The baby was able to physically obtain and consume a Dorito.
The baby was able, of his own volition, to go fetch more Doritos.

Babies in the womb usually don’t do these things. They will respond to pain, suck their thumbs, and even interact with the outside world, but not in the way the Doritos baby did. Ordinary babies will be some months older before they start grabbing your snacks from you.

When NARAL speaks of the commercial “humanizing” the baby, we can reasonably conclude that they object to the baby being shown as more capable than an ordinary baby of the same age.

This inference is consistent with the entire ethic of death. Those who are pro-infanticide (“post-birth abortion”) argue that a newborn is hardly more autonomous or capable than the same child just a bit younger (or the same age) living in the womb. Those who argue for euthanasia will cite the loss of “quality of life,” by which they mean loss of the ability to do things like eat Doritos. People, ones you know, perhaps even the person that you are, will openly express that they’d rather be dead than rely on some kind of alternate mode of nutrition that strictly precludes the eating of Doritos and other chewed-and-swallowed items.

Fundamentally, NARAL and a sad chunk of western society do in fact believe that the ability to consume Doritos is a distinguishing feature between those who possess the whole set of human rights and those who are disposable at best.

The Velveteen Baby

Another view of “humanization” espoused by NARAL is the wanted-and-loved test. The parents in the commercial obviously want this child, so it’s a real live human. Babies who aren’t, like my daughter’s stuffed hippo, doted upon by loving parents, are just so much fluff on the shelf. Donate ’em, sell ’em on eBay, toss ’em in the trash. Whatever you need to do to clear the clutter.

Syrupy children’s storybooks notwithstanding, stuffed animals don’t turn into real live animals because you love them. They are stuffed animals that you dearly love. Real animals don’t turn into pretend animals because you don’t love them. An unloved, unwanted pet still deserves humane treatment. Baby dolls aren’t real babies. Real live human babies aren’t any less human just because you find them intrusive. They don’t become less-human because you are less human in your love for them.

The Humanization of You

You, reader, are a human being. You might be a terrible one, but you’re human all the same. You possess intrinsic worth by the mere fact of your existence. But it’s possible you could be a better human than the one you are just now.

Part of the humor (childish though it was) of the Doritos commercial was the conflict between the wife so wholeheartedly invested in the arrival of her baby, and the husband who was more interested in his bag of chips than his own child. The Doritos company would like you to absorb the message that Doritos are such a fine product it’s understandable a man might find them so compelling.

Let’s consider a contrary message: You are more of a man if you are able to set aside the Doritos.

We humans become more fully what we were created to be when we learn to prioritize rightly. When we are more selfless, more giving, more kind, more generous, more patient, more industrious . . . we are more human. That is, we live out our human mission more completely. We become more of the person we were meant to be.

And thus an ironic edge to NARAL’s protest: It is precisely in caring for those who can’t grab their own chips that we become more human ourselves. The lie our culture wants you to swallow is that those who depend on you for help are somehow getting in the way of your leading a fulfilling life. They are supposedly dragging you down.

But it’s quite the opposite. In learning, through years of hard practice, how to behave like a mature human being, you become more yourself. Your friends and family and neighbors, with all their weaknesses and demands, are the instruments of your humanization.

Pootstert the purple hippo dressed up and sitting in a cardboard carseat. — Dearly loved. Still just a stuffed purple hippo.

Photo copyright Jon Fitz.

Lent in the School for Evangelization

Last updated on: February 8, 2016 at 4:43 pm By Jennifer Fitz

We Catholics like our programs. Love our programs. So here’s this program we have starting this month, and the whole Church is enrolled. It’s called “Lent” and it features prayer, fasting, and almsgiving. That’s the theory, anyhow.

During Lent your parish is likely to take on some kind of other program as a sort of evangelization-thingie. Small groups (I approve), or a parish mission (ditto), or some other worthy pursuit. These things are good. But what if your parish isn’t doing one of these programs, or you try it and nothing happens?

You need Lent 1.0. The original Lent. The prayer, fasting, and almsgiving edition. Here’s Msgr. Gorski, veteran missionary, writing way back in 2002 on what propels missionary work. It’s not the fish fry:

During my time here I’ve become more convinced that the secret of renewing a parish is to have a lot of people praying for the parish. When I’m preaching and doing appeal work for St. James or Zorritos my principal appeal is not for money, but for prayer. Without the prayer the money won’t accomplish much and with the prayer the money will be available.

. . . When you pray for a parish asking the Lord to renew, convert, redeem, heal, save, forgive, and transform a people you don’t have to twist his arm. You’re only asking him to do what he most wants to do. After all that’s why he shed his blood and died on the cross.

I’m grateful to the many people who are praying for us. I see the Lord responding by providing for the needs of the people in so many ways that I can’t.

For example, family catechetics is a major parish program. Mandated by our archbishop, the parish gives weekly training to small groups of parents for almost two years. During this time the parents are teaching what they learn to their own children preparing them for their first communion in which the parents usually received communion with their children. This means giving the Sacrament of Reconciliation to about a thousand children and parents spread out in about 20 towns and villages hours apart. This doesn’t include hundreds of reconciliations for confirmations, retreats, workshops etc.

As I’m the only priest in this huge parish I face this challenge, praying and hoping some help will arrive from somewhere. Last time I met a former St. James priest on vacation in Lima. He came up for a week and a half and we traveled all over the parish reconciling over a thousand people. He said it was the best part of his vacation.

This year visitors from the states told me of a fine priest from Nigeria working in the states. He wanted to improve his Spanish and help on the missions. He has given us a month of intense work and invaluable help reconciling hundreds and hundreds of people apart from Masses, counseling and other help. He leaves next week with the prayers of a grateful people.

Yesterday we went together to give the Sacrament of Reconciliation to the people of La Cruz. Nothing special was going on just an announcement of the sacrament in the parish bulletin.

We began together at 11 a.m., and he told me he would continue, as I had to leave at 12:45 p.m. for a luncheon meeting with the bishop. When I got back to the rectory in the late afternoon I discovered he’d been reconciling from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. — six hours nonstop. People are praying for us and the Lord sends us prodigious workers.

You can read other installments by searching The Catholic Miscellany for “Gorski”. Harrowing tales of every sort. But the foundation in every case is prayer. If you doubt Msgr. Gorksi, check out Becoming a Parish of Intentional Disciples, where you can confirm that yep, what works in Peru is the same method, the only method, that works in the good ol’ US of A.

And why shouldn’t that be the method? What on earth do you think you’re doing evangelizing anyway? Selling cookies? You want to persuade people to hand over their whole lives to a deity you can’t be bothered to spend a little time with? A deity you aren’t sure can really do much for you parish, compared to what your amazing plans will accomplish?

Yeah. Ha. Caught. Humans. We’re so dumb sometimes.

Every Lent, properly pursued, is a return to Evangelization 101. Prayer, fasting, and then the rest becomes self-evident. When you let Him, God writes big.

I like this cat photo. I was going to search for a nice moody Dutch-mastery prayer-picture. But I think a cat in the snow embodies today’s message as well as anything. Photo by Von.grzanka (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 or GFDL], via Wikimedia Commons

PS: If you want to talk small discipleship groups, yes, I’m a believer: