Nothing Says Lovin’ Like a Lesbian Minister With an Oven

Speaking generally there are two kinds of Christians: Those who believe homosexuality is an affront to God, and those who don’t.

Speaking personally there are, to me, two other kinds of Christians: those who bake and mail me cookies, and those who don’t.

The only Christian who last week happened to bake and mail me cookies was Anita Cadonau-Huseby. I’ve never met Anita; I do know she follows my blog. After reading my recent posts, Question of the Week: Does My Wife Have Cancer?, Waving Into the Dark, and God and I Discuss My Wife Having Cancer, Anita was moved to show her love and support for my wife and me by baking and sending to us an assortment of cookies that were so delicious they’d make Mrs. Field stick her head in the oven.

Anita runs two websites, Grace Unfolding: SisterFriends Together, and The Passionate Plate. “Grace Unfolding” is a site of prodigious resources that exists “to provide a safe and welcoming online faith community for lesbian, bisexual, questioning and transgender women.” “Passionate Plate” is Anita’s personal blog, in which she explores her relationship to food and shares her journey toward a slimmer, healthier her.

Here’s another picture of what Anita used to look like:

But now, thanks to dieting, exercise and (as she requested me to add) God’s help, she looks like this:

Which I think conclusively proves that dieting and exercising can, in fact, turn one blond.

When I emailed Anita that on my blog I was going to share photos of the cookies she’d sent me, she wrote back to say, “The cookie unveiling will be appearing on your blog? I am both thrilled and yet resigned to the fact that someone will assume that gifting cookies is the way we gay people recruit others to our side. No small relief to me that I didn’t make you any rainbow-colored cookies.”

That Anita. Skinny—but still funny!

So, as to my Greatest Mail Day Ever:

Delivered unto my door was this:

Which I opened to reveal this (which is a letter telling us what eight kinds of cookies were contained in the box—white chocolate macadamia nut coconut cookies, chocolate cinnamon refrigerator cookies, snickerdoodles, white chocolate cherry bars, chocolate butterscotch toffee walnut blondie [!] bars, shortbread, triple-layer rice krispy treats, and the completely killer nutella oatmeal thins—and thanking us for letting her share her affection for us in this way, if you can believe the sheer graciousness of this woman):

Beneath the letter were these most Excellent Cookie Containers ever:

Which I immediately attacked with a screw driver to unveil this:

Then I went out to my garage to put my screwdriver back. While I was gone somebody (whom I’m pretty sure was the mailman) broke into my house through the front door, because upon returning from the garage I was traumatized to discover this:

Luckily, though, there were enough cookies left for me to readily dispose of these dramatically gnawed ones without in any way subsequently feeling deprived. Whew. I’m definitely going to have to have a talk with my mailman, though. Could that guy be more of a loser?

Anyway, lemme ask you: Do you think that when I got the box of cookies from a woman whom I know to be a lesbian Christian minister, I, as a good Christian, should have:

A. Refused them on the spot (and thus totally made the day of my miscreant hog of a mailman, but whatever)

B. Opened them, looked at them, ignored their delectable waft, and thrown them into a pit in the ground in which I’d started a fire

C. Eaten them and repented

D. Eaten them and waited for my waistline to exact its own cruel punishment

E. Searched in the Bible for anything Jesus might have said about Christian lesbian ministers baking cookies for people they know through the Internet

F. Shared the cookies with my conservative Christian next door neighbor friends and only after they’ve scarfed on them remember that in telling them about Anita I never mentioned she was a lesbian, and then wonder if I should tell them that, and then feel bad because secretly I kind of want to just to see that look on their face

G. Opened the box, eaten the cookies, shared the cookies, reveled in the spirit in which they were made and given, and figured that if contained anywhere within that experience was a lesson that God wanted me learn, he’ll let me know what it is.

You tell me, if you want. I’m listening.

(The follow-up to this post is today’s Helping Christians Be Bored About Homosexuality Since April 2007.)

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