Helping Christians be Bored by Homosexuality Since 2007

A conservative Christian emailed me yesterday to share his idea that I should “back off from writing about the gays so much.”

So I did the only thing I could do.

I had him killed.

Hey, you’ve got your friends. I’ve got mine. That’s all I’m saying.

No, but this quarrelsome query (oh, that Daniel Webster! what a gay lexicographer he was!) was prompted by my recent post, Nothing Says Love Like a Lesbian Christian Minister with an Oven, in which I wrote about a dieting, exercising woman whom, I think you’ll agree, set a very clear example for all of you by baking and shipping me cookies.

“What is it about you and gays?” wrote my conservative correspondent. “Why is it so important to you to write so much about them?”

What a naive question. Isn’t it obvious that I write about gays and lesbians because they bake and mail me cookies? If you want me to write about you, you make me cookies. That’s been my motto ever since I first learned, back in kindergarten, about Dick and Jane having the runs.

Oh, no. Now I’ve taken up all this room with these stupid jokes.

Time for … Succinct Man!

The reason I wrote about Anita the Christian Lesbian as I did is because I think it’s critical that whenever any one of us straight folk think, talk about, or talk to any given homosexual, we are very careful to move to the forefront of our hearts and minds the truth that a homosexual’s sexuality means absolutely no more to their overall understanding of who they are, or how they experience the world, than any other person’s sexuality does to them.

It’s so easy for us to forget that though a person may be gay, that’s not all they are. They have whole other humongously complex lives that have virtually nothing to do with their sexual orientation. Just like straight people do. Just like everyone does.

Gays and lesbians spend every bit of their lives as bored as anyone else does, is really the thing. Being gay doesn’t make you exotic, or talented, or interesting, or anything. It just means that when it comes to .. well, you know.

I have a lot of conservative Christian readers, which I hold as an honor. And what I’m saying here has nothing to do with the question of whether or not God automatically condemns to hell the unrepentant homosexual. That’s a theological question I’ll for now let other people argue about.

All I’m saying here is that the reason I wrote about Anita in the manner I did was to say, “Here. Let’s look at this woman. She isn’t just a ‘lesbian.’ She’s someone who cares. She’s funny. She’s smart. She long ago decided to make the point of her life honoring Jesus Christ. In the war she’s been fighting all her life against food and her body weight she’s recently proven victorious. She’s humble. She works hard.  She’s generous. She’s in a loving, committed relationship. She’s articulate. She’s careful. She’s the infinite number of other things she is. She’s a whole person.”

I get that a lot of Christians believe that Anita Cadonau-Huseby is going to hell. I understand that if God wants that, that’s what’ll happen. That’s really none of my business. None of what happens to anybody beyond the grave is my business.

I just want we who are still here on earth to remember that if it ever happens that we have to let go of the hands of the likes of Anita as she begins her fall backward into hell, we won’t be releasing just a ‘lesbian.’ We’ll be releasing into hell a sister.

One of our own.

It better hurt us like that.