If the NRA were a Religion

If the NRA were a religion (and let’s face it, it is the only religion many people ascribe to), they would be members of the Hellfire & Brimstone camp. The ones who are always yelling in your face, spitting all over the first two rows as they toss out dire predicament after dire predicament. They would be the ones instilling the Fear of God and unknown boogey-men within others.

If the NRA were a religion, its members would be stockpiling toilet paper, buying up all the granola bars, and squirreling away antibiotic as they prepare for the Armageddon to end all Armageddons.

If the NRA were a religion, their worship music would stir the congregation into a frenzy. Their songs would instill in those worshipping a sense of righteous indignation and a determination to protect their own from demons unknown.

If the NRA were a religion, they would be a mega-church run by a charismatic beloved pastor whose congregants cling to the outrageous things he says because there’s enough fear twisted into his lies that it passes for truth. Outlandish! declare the non-believers who always leave the mega-church shaking their heads in disbelief.

If the NRA were a religion, they would be dogmatic about their doctrine, convinced that their way is the only right way to God. Every Sunday School teacher, every Training Union leader, every pastor, every elder, every deacon would be well-armed and well-versed in the necessity for that.  Preschoolers would be given pop-guns and water pistols and encouraged to play nicely. Children would stand before bemused congregants and loudly march to I’m in the Lord’s Army!  And all the people would laugh and applaud and shout “Amen!”

If the NRA were a religion, their celebrity pastor would live in a gated-community. He would travel with an entourage of thick-chested men. He would hop around the world in a private jet owned by the church. He would have his own TV station where he would preach about all the ways in which assault weapons build a better nation and save the righteous from the impending damnation of the unrighteous, and where he could beg for more money to fight the good fight for the good people, God’s chosen, who, left unarmed, will always be at risk of evil-doers.

If the NRA were a religion, members would be encouraged to raise holy hell against anyone who dares to suggest that arming a nation may not be what the founding fathers had in mind when they enacted the Second Amendment. Congregants would be schooled in who in Congress is a true believer like them and who is only a poser. They would gather together at shooting ranges and at gun shows across this nation and talk about all the ways in which their religion is maligned by liberal media. Church members would be encouraged to bad-mouth anyone who doesn’t believe the same as them — to regard those who don’t buy guns, who refuse to arm themselves, or to prepare for the coming apocalypse fools of the worst sort, deserving of the impending destruction coming their way.

If the NRA were a religion, their evangelism efforts would entail big-dollar advertising. They would employ only the best public relation teams Wall Street had to offer. They would appear as goodwill ambassadors at every tragic shooting across the land, preaching their doctrine of “This is why we must arm each man, each woman, and each child..”.

If the NRA were a religion, their foundational  verse would be: “For God so loved the world that he gave us all these firearms, so that whosoever arms himself should not perish but have everlasting safety.”