Raised Quiverfull: Relationships with Siblings

Have any of your siblings (or perhaps even parents) left Quiverfull/Christian Patriarchy ideology? How do you approach the relationships with siblings who have not?

Joe:

I would say half of my siblings have left and the other half still hang on to a little bit of the ideology or envelope themselves in it.  All I can do is communicate factual and logical information to them.  Recently, my brother left a Gothard law college because of facts I led him to and others have begun to vaccinate their children.

Latebloomer:

None of my family members are still involved the movement, although my mom is the closest one.  She is the only fundamentalist left in the family, but she generally avoids bringing up religion in person because hearing different opinions makes her very uncomfortable and sad.  However, she still wants to have a spiritual influence on my life, so she often sprinkles her emails with unnecessary and vague references to Bible studies, trust, and prayer.  I just ignore it.

Libby Anne:

Yes, several of my siblings have left Christian Patriarchy/Quiverfull ideology. They’re still Christian, but have rejected patriarchy and all that it entails. They’re awesome, and I truly feel I can let my hair down around them. As for my other siblings, the approach I take varies. With those who are adults, I try to maintain a sense of harmony, stating that I disagree with this or that but leaving it at that. That generally works, though it can sometimes be tense. With those who are still underage, though, I have to be more careful. They’re not MY children, and it’s not really my place to try to subvert my parents. Instead, I try to just be there in case they have questions or need my help in some way. They know my beliefs are different, they know my lifestyle is different, they know I’m available, and that’s enough.

Lisa:

None of my siblings left (that I know of). Since I don’t really have any contact with them, I don’t know what’s going on with my siblings and their beliefs.

Mattie:

I have one sister who is still strongly for courtship and emotional purity, etc. She’s still fairly young, so I expect that she’ll gradually relax her views over time, or if not, she’ll go that route and not really involve her other siblings in that process. I try to avoid pushing her buttons when we’re together, and try to remind her that she is beautiful and smart and can do whatever she wants to do with her life, and that her college options don’t need to be limited to just Bible schools.

With my very young siblings, none of this comes up or is an issue. I’m sure we’ll have conversations about these things years later, but not now.

Melissa:

All of my adult siblings have moved out of the Quiverfull/Christian Patriarchy, and my parents have moved in that direction as well. I am not sure of my Dad’s positions, but I have seen my mom change some of her beliefs on submission and birth control, and get involved in a more mainstream evangelical church.

Sarah:

My parents have almost completely left the QF/PF mindset. My 10, 13, and 15 year old siblings are all attending public schools.  My siblings all wear what they want, listen to what they want, date who they want, and have plans for college. My parents no longer spank my siblings either, which is a huge relief to me. They are still clinging to anti-feminist, anti-gay, anti-medicine, anti-birth control stuff they believed before. But as a whole, things are so different there that I find it hard to really grasp what has happened.

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