Quoting Quiverfull: Giving Men’s Rights Activists What They Demand – Sex?

Quoting Quiverfull: Giving Men’s Rights Activists What They Demand – Sex? January 23, 2017

quotingquiverfullby Lori Alexander from The Transformed Wife – Giving Men a Voice on Being Starved For Sex

Editor’s note: As many of you have noticed before most of the men who post on Lori Alexander’s blog are clearly MRA guys. She just made an entire post up of their whining about not receiving all the sex they want upon demand and she ended her post by ordering all women to have as much sex as a husband wants. The type of men she’s ‘giving a voice’ to are the most reprehensible and childish types. Make sure you read through the manifold copious complaints in her original posting.

And, no Lori, sex is not primarily about having sex! Men do not only marry to have a handy-dandy available upon demand vagina to use!

Yesterday, I received a comment on a post I wrote years ago called A Sex Starved Husband. I thought his comment would make a great post so I went to the post and began reading the comments from men regarding the lack of sex their wives are giving them. Ken is mentoring a man whose wife hasn’t given him sex for over six months. I wept as I read these heart-felt comments from them. The main reason men marry is for sex and a lot of it. If they are godly men, they probably dreamed about getting married for years before getting married and being able to sleep every night with one woman they loved above all and having frequent sex, but unfortunately, this isn’t the case for way too many men.

Stop depriving your husband of the sex and intimacy he deserves and is required by God from you.

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Nea

    The hell I’m marrying someone who thinks the main reason to have me in his life is as a personal whore. Pimp your own damn self, Lori, nobody else.

  • SAO

    No wonder the wife opted for separate bedrooms. She should take the next step and get separate residences and last names.

  • guest

    It’s worth reading the comments to that post. I know, you’ll want a shower afterwards, possibly some brain bleach, but the comments she allows, and the support she gives them, all point towards her’s and Ken’s marriage theology. It’s horrific.
    Here’s a little primer….
    Trey says:
    – “Women withholding sex (and not just sex but intimacy) from their husbands is just another way that they are not obeying God by submitting THEMSELVES unto their own husbands in EVERYTHING and are sinfully maintaining that CONTROL for themselves.”

    – “God made sex to be enjoyed by men and women equally. “Most” men are driven to it by their hormones. “Most” women must often (out of obedience) choose to do it.

    And speaking of hormones ladies, if it were not for testosterone and the sex drive that God put into men making them attracted to women for sex, I personally don’t believe that the vast majority of men would choose to have anything to do with women at all. Women are in so many ways different than men and are so confusing, emotional, irrational and so much trouble that without the sex drive, the vast majority of men would not give a woman the time of day.”

    Thank goodness he says this is his personal opinion…..- But Lori agrees:
    “Ken and I have spoken about this and we agree. Way too many wives make their husband’s life miserable.”

    – “Even if you give your husband all of the sex he wants and his physical needs are met, if you do not emotionally participate (rather just give him Duty Sex), his emotional needs are still not met and no intimacy will be created between the two of you. Women, there are no half measures here. You have to give YOURSELF COMPLETELY (physically and emotionally) to your husband for Gods blessings to be realized.”

    – ” If you want their feelings and kind/thoughtful actions to be real toward you, then they require “quality” sex on a regular basis. ”

    – “What do I mean by “quality” sex? You must not just make your bodies “available” to your husband so they can use it to satisfy their physical needs, you must fully (mind, body, spirit) engage in the act with them. Don’t just have sex… MAKE LOVE!!! You must choose (yes it is a mental choice on your part) to become aroused and give YOURSELVES fully and completely to him with no reservation. This level of trust and commitment might take some time and effort to achieve but it is the goal you must never cease in striving for and practice-makes-perfect.”

    And this, because it’s just so unconscionable:

    – “So in essence, the thing that so many women despise about men is the only thing that draws them to you and gets them to marry you and provide for you and protect you in the first place! Then you take it away from them and they are forced to stay married to you because of their commitment to God? ” To which Lori replies “So good and so true”.


    You’d think Ken would see the opportunity and seize it. These disgruntled men need a Godly Mentor to bless them with chastising posts reminding them of their general unworthiness and their duties towards their wives. Ah… hang on. No command to do that in the Bible, is there? Too bad….

  • Aloha

    “Sex, sex? Sex for the poor.
    And please don’t just drop in a few measly bits! Be generous with the needy.”

    (This appears to be Lori’s concept of sex. Something women give, and men take. So odd.)


  • pinkie

    Just get a blow-up doll, people…

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    “I wept as I read these heart-felt comments from them.”

    Weird…all I had the urge to do is vomit.

  • Saraquill

    Or make friends with their hands.

  • Saraquill

    Maybe the reason the wife isn’t in the mood is because she’s married to a turd.

  • Rachel

    How to keep a woman in submission?
    Step 1: Deprive her of an education and any life experience outside of the home so that she won’t learn how to think for herself and she won’t understand the world around her.
    Step 2: Teach her that she is “irrational” and “emotional” BY NATURE (rather than by circumstance) and that the only way she will get a man to take care of her (since she can’t take care of herself due to her silly nature) is to have sex on demand.

    Part of the reason I got into Spanish Literature for my Master’s degree was because I stumbled across the poem “Hombres necios que acusáis” by Sor Juana de la Cruz. She was born a noblewoman in medieval Mexico and joined a convent so that she could dedicate her life to writing. She sharply critiqued how society treated women, and today one of her most famous poems is Hombres necios, where she calls out men for restricting women’s opportunities and then turning around and accusing women of being foolish and frivolous. English translation after the Spanish: https://allpoetry.com/You-Men

    Same problem, different century.

  • Allison the Great

    From a comment from “Trey”

    Women are in so many ways different than men and are so confusing, emotional, irrational and so much trouble that without the sex drive, the vast majority of men would not give a woman the time of day.

    Translation: I really hate women, I hate being around you, but I have needs and it’s a sin if you don’t jump on my dick.

    Just for clarification, I don’t have a problem with sex, and I have a very high sex drive. If a guy I was married to wanted to go at it every night, I’d be overjoyed. I think the problem in these relationships is that there is absolutely NO communication going on regarding the bedroom, and as one commenter L said, sometimes it can be unenjoyable if both partners are not really in it for the fun aspects of it. If you do it out of duty instead of out of, you know, liking to fuck, then yeah, it’s going to get boring and be a miserable experience for at least one party.

    Also, if these people were brought up in the “purity culture”, it’s highly likely that neither party has a healthy attitude about sex. They’re not open to exploration or experimentation. They don’t know what they like because they never masturbated. They don’t know what turns them on as far as fetishes are concerned, because they were never allowed to explore erotica. So take all that baggage and add it to the fact that women are taught that they shouldn’t like sex and they never wanted to do it in the first place because “sin” and throw tedium and a boring lover into the mix and you’ve got a recipe for bad lays aplenty.

  • Allison the Great

    I too find it interesting that they say that we shouldn’t have access to higher education, yet they say that we’re irrational. I’m sitting here thinking “well, there’s a way to fix that, buddy”. Thanks for linking to the poem, it looks like it will be a very good read!

    EDIT: It was a good read! Again, thank you for posting!

  • Nightshade

    Did anyone else read in the comments about the woman whose doctor has advised not to have sex during what is apparently a complicated pregnancy? ‘My husband isn’t too concerned as the evidence that sex will make my problem worse is not that strong, so he still wants to keep at it, just slightly modified.’ WTF??! Does he think the doctor is giving that advice just to deprive him or something? Or does the husband not care about the pregnancy? Does he also claim to be pro-life?

  • Rachel

    Glad you enjoyed it! It truly changed my life.

  • KarenOfRocks

    I avoid the site and the comments, and I expect they’re not terribly explicit anyhow. There are lots of ways to have sex besides the PIV variety. I couldn’t imagine my husband demanding PIV sex if my doctor had advised against it. Perhaps this couple think other ways of pleasuring each other are unGodly or something? I haven’t been exposed to that much evangelical culture, so I don’t know.

    (Also, perhaps my use of the expression “each other” is off base in a QF relationship as well… and that would be very sad, indeed. But I gather the basic Rules of Engagement in my marriage–we both have to want it–are considered outrageous by this crowd.)

  • AFo

    Lori’s an equal opportunity offender here. No, not all men get married for the sole purpose of having sex, and women don’t have to do it if they don’t want to.

    Also, I doubt the men in this crowd would care, but we women are pickier in general about where, when, and with whom we have sex because it’s so much harder for us to get an orgasm. In other words, fellas, if we don’t think you’re gonna give us a good time, we’re not gonna want to sleep with you.

  • KarenOfRocks

    No matter how desperate I might be for male companionship, if a guy I started to engage with demonstrated the tiniest bit of MRA attitude, his ass would be out on the street so fast he wouldn’t know what happened (except for the evidence of my shoe print on it).

    These men need to get over themselves. No one, not their wives, partners, pretty women on the street, whoever, owe them the mud on their shoes. Proper marriage (which is not confined to two people of the opposite sex) consists of joining together in a mutually supportive relationship that involves intimacy and producing mutual pleasure and possibly offspring. In practice, members of healthy relationships compromise on how, when, and how much sex happens, because it’s rare for any two individuals to have the same sex drive–and even if they did, Life gets in the way of sex, especially if family obligations are involved. When a marriage or partnership is working, everyone will get, perhaps not as much sex as they want, but as much as they can reasonably expect. If that isn’t happening, maybe the relationship needs work… and guys, it takes two to compromise.

    (That isn’t intended to be an ableist statement, but I’m kind of ignoring long-term special circumstances for the sake of this argument right now; a relationship where a partner becomes untreatably incapable of having sex is a different discussion. When the issue is short-term, true adults suck it up and cope with the temporary loss of sex.)

  • Astrin Ymris

    Um, Suzanne, I think that you mean that marriage is not primarily about sex. Just sayin’.

    I understand the error! These grown-up toddlers’ whining can make your brain bleed. ;-D

  • Astrin Ymris

    This is why the CPM campaigns so hard against masturbation– if men could satisfy themselves, they’d have no excuse for rape, sexual harassment, or emotionally-blackmailing women into providing sex on demand.

  • Astrin Ymris

    Any man who despises women like this needs to remain single and unattached. If he can’t square masturbation with his conscience, he should remain celibate.

    Better yet, he should get himself to a psychologist for intensive therapy. It’s possible that he could be helped, if he’s willing to change. Admittedly, it’s not likely since MRAs think that they are awesome, and the problem is with the women who inexplicably refuse to fawn on them, vying for their masculine favor. But if they’d go to therapy, at least there’s a chance.

  • Julia Childress

    Actually, Lori came right out and told her to be creative specifically, “hands and oral”. Surprised that she was that specific.

  • Joy

    Exactly what I was thinking!

  • Anonyme

    Does it never occur to them that the secret to better sex is not telling women that they have to put out on demand? How “into it” can a woman get if she’s made to feel it’s a duty? Yet some of the commenters say that women don’t put enough emotion or affection into sex.

  • Nightshade

    Surprised me too!

  • Nightshade

    Lori actually did suggest alternatives, which as Julia says was a surprise! Another reader says, and I quote: ‘If the doctor says that sex would be dangerous to you or baby, you should appeal to your husband not to engage in intercourse with you until it is safe. And then work on other ways of satisfying him (hands, oral, etc) during the time that intercourse is not safe for you. If your husband insists on intercourse, which hopefully won’t be the case…’ then goes on about refusing until the risk is past. One would think that being ‘pro-life’ would mean avoiding activities that could put the baby at risk, and insisting wouldn’t be compatible with loving his wife, as he’s commanded to do in the Bible. But hey, this is a man’s world we’re talking about, and I’m just a woman, what do I know? /sarc

    It’s amazing to me that this is even an issue!

  • TLC

    This made me gigglesnort! Thanks!

  • TLC

    Before I went to read Lori’s post, I checked my food journal to make sure I could have at least one glass of wine, because I knew I would need it. I can and now I do.

    After reading all that, it breaks my heart to see these women reduced to receptacles for penises and sperm. Just things to be used. “Perform, damn you!” I think circus animals get more respect and care. The man demanding sex from his wife who’s having a dangerous pregnancy should be jailed for assault and child abuse. “But honey, two blow jobs a day isn’t good enough!!! WAAAAAAHHHH!!!! It’s all about meeeeeeee!!!!!”

    And then there’s the link to the sickening, hypocritical post about how Melania Trump is a Proverbs 31 virtuous woman. Please tell me how her pornography fits into that? Or how you excoriate “liberals” for wearing shorts, but posing nude is OK?

    Time for that glass of wine.

  • Jo

    Who are these men that comment on Lori’s blog – isn’t it weird that Dave is always hanging around attacking his wife -isn’t it weird for blokes to have such interest in a women’s blog. And that Lori always posts things that make women look bad but rarely (never) writes about women being treated badly (Dave wouldn’t like that).

  • Aimee Shulman

    gee how shocking that men who marry mainly to have someTHING to stick it in, and view sex as something that women “give” to men, rather than something that a couple does TOGETHER as an expression of mutual love and affection, might end up with wives who are less than eager to sleep with them. now I wonder what a man could possibly do to make his wife WANT to sleep with him? Certainly not treat her as a human being worthy of tenderness and respect, of course, that would be asking far too much.

  • Aimee Shulman

    “Ugh, women, literally the only thing that men consider to be of any value about you at ALL is the fact that they can use you for sex, and you have the GALL to be turned OFF by that?”

  • Emersonian

    I find it also fairly bizarre how often it’s phrased as the woman “giving” her husband sex. Call me nuts, but I was raised to think that sex was something two people did together, simultaneously. Not just the woman going, “here honey, have some sex. I wasn’t using it anyway.” What an awful way of looking at something that should be mutually pleasurable.

  • guest

    The “godly Titus 2 woman” only wants to help women understand how ungodly they are and how badly they need her advice, so she’s invited men to help her carry out her mission.

  • KarenH

    Which is why I have done all such men a huge favor and resolved never to marry. I provide for myself and I am quite happy and safe and content. You all you poor little menfolk don’t have to put up with me. Win/win.

  • Christine Sarah Pike

    It’s almost as though she really, really hates women. It’s terrifying that someone so brainwashed and abused has licence to go out and attempt to abuse other women with her poisonous ‘advice’.

  • Saraquill

    I have the feeling that there are women here who wouldn’t mind jumping on that guy’s dick– with soccer cleats.

  • Nightshade

    Lori says she and her husband agree with that specific comment. I’d feel terribly sorry for her being trapped in marriage to a man who doesn’t even like women, if she weren’t so hell-bent on forcing other women into the same crap life.

  • Nightshade

    That bothers me too. I don’t ‘give’ my man sex, I participate of my own free will. It’s an activity, not an obligation.

  • Evelyn

    My ex husband married me mostly for sex and lots of it. That’s a big part of why he is my EX husband.

  • paganheart

    I have a close friend whose ex-husband spouted sentiments like “Trey’s” on a regular basis. That’s one of the reasons he became her ex, after a miserable five-year marriage. After she left him, he had a nervous breakdown, basically disappeared for a couple of years, and eventually resurfaced and came out as gay. He is now remarried to a man, and is apparently a much happier and more well-adjusted person than he was a decade ago. In fact, he and my friend have since reconciled and consider themselves friends. She was even a guest at his wedding.

    In other words, if men like “Trey” really hate women that passionately and find them that repulsive, maybe they need to take a long, hard look at themselves…I’ll bet at least some of them are so deep in the closet, they know the way to Narnia.

  • Allison the Great

    It’s a huge part of purity culture. When I was going to those Christian high schools, the “talk” was basically telling the girls that we have to give them sex. They basically implied that we’re just “there”. I think that’s what they think a woman’s attitude about sex is supposed to be. She has to be demure in the bedroom, if she’s into it she’s a whore.

  • Allison the Great

    This !

  • Allison the Great

    It’s odd that this guy says that women are “irrational” when he’s such a crybaby.

  • texassa

    “The main reason men marry is for sex and a lot of it.”

    You are hanging out with the wrong kind of people.

  • texassa

    These people are disgusting to the core.

  • texassa

    The MRA guys ought to all become gay, pair up with each other, and leave the rest of society out of it.

  • texassa

    If these toolbags weren’t so selfish and immature, they could realize that their wives would want to have sex with them if they enjoyed it. Who wants to do something unnecessary that they don’t enjoy? If your wife doesn’t like having sex with you, you’ve given her no reason to enjoy it, idiot.

  • gimpi1

    That was my thought, Well, that, and a devout wish for brain bleach. Or a strong drink….

  • gimpi1

    Yes. Do the women of the world a favor and leave us alone.

    We’re fine. We really can earn our own money, protect ourselves and do our own thinking. In fact, we usually prefer to. We don’t need you for anything, so if all you want is easy sex, find some peace with celibacy and we’ll get the time of day without you.

  • gimpi1

    I’ll join you in that wine… your last paragraph is a great example of the hypocrisy many conservative Christians are indulging in regarding the Trumps… We should indulge in something, too.

    Wine sounds good.

  • TLC

    That night it was a lovely Joel Gott sauvignon blanc. Tonight it will be Mondavi Meritage, because I am preparing to fire my biggest client and am scared to death, even though it’s very necessary. Or maybe I’ll open rococo left over from New Year’s. . . . .

  • Astrin Ymris

    But… but… that implies that men should consider women’s wishes and desires to be just as important as what men want!/sarc

  • Astrin Ymris

    All the upvotes! I just love a good Villain Redemption story. ;-D