Quoting Quiverfull: Men Need to Help Women?

Quoting Quiverfull: Men Need to Help Women? March 23, 2017

by Lori Alexander from The Transformed Wife – Appreciating Your Husband

Editor’s note: This is a good example of thinking your way is the only right way. In the unquoted bit Lori starts off with a story about the television show ‘Candid Camera’ before awkwardly seguing into men going to war, her bad neck and lifting up that case of Costco toilet paper. Some women can pick up things just as heavy as men and it does not make them any less women. Some men cannot do that. Again, it does not affect their status as men. Ridiculous point here.

God created men bigger and stronger for a reason. They are to be the protectors and providers for women and children. God specifically told them that they were to “toil in the soil” to make a living. When Israel went to war, the men twenty years and older had to go fight as protectors of their nation.

I have a bad neck and can’t pick up heavy things so Ken helps me a lot around the house with heavy things and things that need to be fixed. When I go to Costco alone and have to pick up anything heavy (over five pounds), I wait for the first guy to come along. Not one of them has ever minded and even seemed to like being helpful. Just yesterday, I bought a lemon tree there and men were willing to help me get it into my cart and into my car, then Ken helped me get it into the house.

Yes, men’s and women’s physical makeup are different because God created them to compliment each other NOT compete with each other. Appreciate this fact instead of fight it and thank your husband for his strength in helping you with the heavy or difficult things!

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Nea

    Debi has a bad neck too. What’s up with that – actual injury or is she pretending she’s her idol again?

    I’ll let someone else talk about species individuation over species generality vis-a-vis size and strength and ask the question that leaps immediately to mind: if little miss ultrafemme doesn’t pick up anything weighing 5 lb, 1 oz+, does that mean that she refuses to pick up her own children? I mean, they probably got *born* weighing more than that carton of paper towel rolls or whatever she’s standing next to in Costco waiting for a random macho male to flex his muscles over.

    Also – God wants *all* men to till the soil? Then where did all the fishers, priests, and innkeepers come from in the Bible? Did god not *notice* the cities like Rome, Athens, etc. *expressly mentioned* in scripture, with their necessary traders, architects, judiciary, guardians, constructors, sanitation force, merchants, etc, etc, etc?

  • Finding Home

    So… since Lori has a neck injury, the rest of us women are never supposed to lift anything heavy? That’s what I’m getting out of this.

  • Aloha

    I may not agree, but I can’t oppose this belief too strongly: that men were made stronger in order to help women.

    The beliefs that I oppose strongly are that men were made stronger in order to dominate women, abuse women, and push them around.

    If you wanna think that God made men to be your personal laborers, then go for it.

  • ShinyZubat

    I’ll give her that men have the advantage when it comes to building muscle tone, but that doesn’t mean all men take advantage of that. And it certainly doesn’t mean that women can’t build muscle at all. Also come on, 5lbs is heavy? My itty bitty cat weighs more than that. And carrying her around is like carrying styrofoam. If Lori’s disabled, then fine. But an otherwise able bodied person can carry her own toilet paper just fine, thanks.

    “Not one of them has ever minded and even seemed to like being helpful.” Well, yeah. Most people are like that. I’m sure you’d get the same response if you asked women for help too.

  • AuntKaylea

    What about all those babies? How on earth can anyone but a man lift them as they are almost always heavier than 5 lbs?

  • AuntKaylea

    Oops – I just posted the same thing about babies before I read yours.

  • Rachel

    So men never get neck injuries and need help lifting things and getting around? Way to stigmatize disability in men, Lori.

    It’s definitely harder for my dad to ask for help after a neck injury than it is for me (I seem to have inherited his joint condition, so we’ve both had lots of experience with neck injuries). I think it has more to do with society than “manly” vs. “feminine” natures–men just aren’t supposed to ask for help. But I am supposed to do regular weight-bearing exercises to strengthen the muscles and joints. The more I exercise, the less pain I experience in my day to day life, and the less frequently I injure myself. When I am healthier I enjoy showing off, actually! I’m not as strong as some of my male friends but I’m proud of what I have achieved and they encourage me instead of holding their “superior strength” over me.

    Honestly, I have to wonder how much of Lori’s bad neck is a result of stigmatizing exercise in women. Conservative environments tend to be pretty actively against women exercising for various reasons (immodest workout apparel, women are supposed to be gentle and delicate…). But many conditions can be at least alleviated by physical therapy exercises–with the right stretches, you can alleviate pain and minimize progression of many physical conditions. Obviously it’s not a cure-all, but has she at least tried?

  • Rachel

    I guess it depends on what she means by “bad neck.” I’ve had neck injuries before and I just can’t tolerate any weight for a couple of days. But an injury that extreme also affected my ability to walk, dress myself, and sit up on my own. So unless she gives more specifics, who’s to say.

    As to the helping people thing, I get shorter women all the time asking me to grab stuff from the top shelf for them at the grocery store. I reckon for some women, approaching another woman is less intimidating than asking a strange man for help. Maybe I should have been saying no all this time because I’m not a big, tall, strong manly man?

  • Lokis_Child

    God gave her a bad neck so she would have to rely on men to lift heavy things? Why not just make you physically weaker instead of causing you to be “broken?” Sounds like a pretty poor designer to me.

  • Nea

    I think the message, garbled and illogical as it came out, is “I have an injury that reminds me of God’s truth that I’m just a weak woman anyway. And it’s so fine to have random men be chivalrous to me that I literally stand around and wait for it.”

  • Lokis_Child

    I have serious issues with that viewpoint as well.

  • Julia Childress

    I’m not really sure what her point is – should women only ask men to help them lift things? I’m nearly six feet tall, and as Rachel also noted below, I get asked to reach things on high shelves on a regular basis. I always offer if I can see someone struggling to reach something. I have even had men, who are using the motor carts, ask me to reach things for them and I have helped people load stuff into their cars if they looked like they needed help. Isn’t one of the points of being a Christian to look for opportunities to serve others? Help is help. I’m not sure why this has to be boiled down to gender roles.

  • Nightshade

    She also says ‘Now imagine if a woman was limping and unable to walk and went up to another women and said the same thing. Would the women respond in the same way? Would every size, age, shape, and race pick her up and carry to her destination? No, the majority of women aren’t strong enough to carry another woman very far. They would most likely tag down the first man that came along and ask for his help.’ Ummmm, no. A person of less physical strength wouldn’t necessarily have to pick her up and carry her, s/he can assist with support and wouldn’t have to just stand around and whimper helplessly until a big, strong man comes along.

  • AFo

    Lori’s making it sound like the only reason women should get married is to have someone around to carry heavy things. Forget about love, commitment, and growing old together, just make sure he’s muscular.

  • Nea

    So many evangelicals make marriage sound like a horrific sentence. “He tells you what to do even if he’s a jerk or breaking the law (as long as it’s not God’s Law).” “Be incompetent. If you’re not incompetent, pretend to be incompetent or his dick will fall off.” “Put out with a smile no matter how you feel because his hardon is more important than you.” “He’s there to be obeyed and flattered, not to actually love you.”

    Love and honor from the male side of the equation? God forbid!

  • zizania

    Don’t people get stronger by using their muscles? I’ve dislocated my shoulder a couple of times, and I know that there are certain positiions I shouldn’t put it in, but that doesn’t stop me from lifting cartons of books at work or heaving around 50 lb. bags of produce at my volunteer job. By the way, a large percentage of my fellow volunteers are middle-aged women. I admit I tend to use my husband for reaching stuff down from high shelves, but that’s just because he’s nearly a foot taller than I am. (And he’s the one who insists on putting the stuff way up there in the first place.) I’ve no patience with women who think they just have to smile prettily at the nearest man and he’ll do all the grunt work. Give me a break!

  • SAO

    Unless the man is very strong and experienced (as in a firefighter with specific training) he should not pick up an adult woman unless she is small enough to qualify as a dwarf. He should not, for example, pick up a woman who is 95 pounds. I’ve certainly seen trained, strong, male home health aides decide not to lift a 100 pound man who had no ability to help them, but to call for fire and rescue instead — where the man would be lifted by *two* men.

  • Nightshade

    I wasn’t even thinking that way, but true, Lori seems to be assuming that every man can just pick up a woman and carry her around, while a woman who can’t do that is just weak. She’s either not aware of any other options, or is deliberately ignorant of any facts that contradict her pre-determined notions. I’m guessing the latter is more likely.

  • Friend

    “I have a bad neck” therefore all women have a bad neck. Sheesh.

  • Kathi

    My favorite part of that post was how men are so strong they’re better suited for bull riding than women. Never mind that there are countless studies out there about how bull riding is more dangerous than football, hockey or boxing. All sports that men primarily participate in. I truly do not understand her line of thinking with this example.

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    I’ve gotten in trouble for climbing up shelves to get what I need which for whatever reason is on the very top shelf in stores, and this is after never being able to find someone who actually works at the place until I have ungracefully scaled the two lowest shelves to swipe a package with a sweeping motion into my cart and jumped down. I’m impatient and don’t like asking random people shopping to help me when they’re undoubtedly in a hurry too.

    Seems like men are more interested in watching me climb than offer assistance. Weirdos. 😛

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    I’m pretty sure I’m carrying around at least 5 lbs in my bust, and one of the things I’ve learned how to adapt to is getting 35 can packs of soda at Costco from the shelf to my cart to the trunk of my car all on my own – along with toilet paper, paper towels, the gigantic size of laundry detergent,, and a lot of other stuff that is pretty heavy. It’s all about balancing the weight so that gravity does the hardest part for you, and taking advantage of whatever solid surface you have nearby.

    I’m only 5’1.5″, but I would be mortified to stand around waiting for someone male to notice me and offer assistance. I also don’t have time for that nonsense.

  • pl1224

    I’m a special education teacher, and in my field we have a term for Lori’s particular disability–it’s called “learned helplessness” and is frequently used by students to manipulate others into fostering said helplessness. Lori is a supposedly fully-abled adult–albeit with cervical vertebrae issues–and should know better.

  • Evelyn

    A gallon of milk weighs more than that, too! A limit like that is a serious disability and I think we would have heard about it before, because it would cause trouble everywhere, not just at Costco.