Quoting Quiverfull: Weddings Are the Pinnacle of a Christian Girl’s Achievements?

Quoting Quiverfull: Weddings Are the Pinnacle of a Christian Girl’s Achievements? March 21, 2017

quotingquiverfullby Unknown at Crown of Beauty Magazine – Altogether Lovely

Editor’s note: This one was hard to figure out what to quote. The beginning where the author calls blogging ‘edgy’. Blogging has been going on since the beginning of the internet, so it’s old hat now. Her gushing over the quicky engagement and marriage of Jill Duggar and Derick Dillard. Or her calling Taylor Swift’s music ‘Old School’ and saying it put her in a ‘nastalic’ mood. But the most disturbing part of this piece that sounds like it was written by a giggling twelve year old is her insistence that getting married is the BIG GOAL of every girl’s life. This is what happens when you isolate a homeschooled girl severely, you limit their dreams, clipping their wings into only having the tiniest of circles. Sad wasted potential that is dead on arrival.

There are many things in life worth writing about and celebrating, but as a girl, WEDDINGS are at the very top of that list.
What could possibly be sweeter than the innocence of a pure white bride, floating down the aisle, preparing to remove the veil and gaze lovingly into the eyes of the man she will marry, vowing her unwavering faithfulness until deaths bitter parting?! Gahhh! Somebody grab the Kleenex box!

Lisa Bevere wrote;
“Women plan weddings, and men plan wars.”

This statement is so true. While men are wired to strategically move forward and conquer the world, women were created to stop and smell the roses, gather an armful of flowers, then decorate the whole house with them! We as women add so much sparkle and beauty, and weddings are like our ultimate outlet for that fun feminine side!  I believe it is because God absolutely adores weddings!

After the decorations are finished, and the fancy pageantry is all said and done…the core of a beautiful wedding is the emotional triumph we feel, when we see that true love wins. Our hearts soar when we connect the words of 1 Corinthians 13:4-6 with the character of Christ…..
……Well, Jill and Derick proved all the haters wrong.
The starstruck lovers made it to their special day without breaking their self-imposed courtship rules, and because of it, their wedding was absolutely, and altogether lovely.

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.

moreRead more by Crown of Beauty

Jana Duggar Waiting For Prince Charming


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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Nightshade

    “Women plan weddings, and men plan wars.” Huh. If that’s true shouldn’t women be in charge of things? I know I”d rather attend a wedding than a war…and I’m not at all a fan of weddings!

  • Allison the Great

    This reads like something written by someone in middle school. Please tell me it was written by someone in middle school!

    If I ever decide to take the plunge and get married, I’m not wearing white. I’ll wear blue or silver or gold or something fun.

  • Nightshade

    Wear jeans if you like. I just got married a little over a week ago, and that’s what I did!

  • Allison the Great

    Congrats! So happy for you!

  • AuntKaylea

    Weddings are not made beautiful by rules or rule keeping. My husband and I wrote our own rather unconventional vows. The minister had to use his handkerchief because even he teared up. I don’t think it was anything profound, but that the love we have for each other is genuine. Authentic love is what is beautiful; not the wedding part of it.

  • SAO

    A wedding is the celebration and public announcement of a serious commitment. The strength and sincerity of that commitment make the ceremony beautiful,
    pageantry is irrelevant. From a pageantry standpoint, taste and money help, the virginity or lack thereof are also irrelevant.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Congratulations! I hope you two have more sunshine than tears through the years. That is awesome!

  • AFo

    I hate to burst this girl’s bubble, but many people are reconsidering and moving away from big fancy weddings like the ones she’s describing. Between the absurd costs, especially in the New York/New Jersey area where I live, the memories of big weddings where the bride and groom were barely be able to enjoy their dinner, and the desire to do something more fun and unique, the big fancy Church wedding is on its way out, and the small quirky wedding is in. I’ve even attended two where the couple privately went to the courthouse with their witnesses, and then just had a dinner/dance with friends and family afterward. What makes a wedding “perfect” is unique to each couple, and building up expectations like this does no good for anyone; this is doubly true when your culture has set up marriage as the be all end all for women, and the pressure is on them to have these fairy tale weddings.

  • Julia Childress

    This is how so many of these girls are raised. They are kept as perpetual children. If you ever saw the duggar or bates episode where the females went camping over night, and listened to Erin Bates talking about Chad, it was like a middle school sleepover. Then when she painted her and Chad’s bedroom Barbie pink with frou frou stuff all over, you just know that she still thinks like a little girl. The fancy wedding is the culmination of the upbringing when the little girl fantasy comes true.

  • Mel

    I grew up in a family who loved multi-player war-like games including capture the flag and a game where the kids tracked the adults who were hiding called manhunt. Believe me, the ladies in our family could plan a war if we needed to.

  • Mel

    Congratulations!

  • Joy

    1. How old is the author?

    2. Does the author realize that after the wedding day comes a marriage, which requires commitment and hard work? It’s not all unicorns pooping rainbows.

  • Anonyme

    What did Jill and Derick “prove” to the “haters”? Everyone outside of the cult kows that Derick was hand-selected by Jim Bob, as it was and will be for all the girls. Granted, Jill seems to really love Derick but still…there were no great obstacles to the altar.
    Also, so! Many! Exclamation! Points!

  • TLC

    Yeah, well, Josh and Anna Duggar didn’t break their “self-imposed courtship rules”, either, and we’ve all watched that disaster unfold. Don’t swoon too soon, silly girl.

  • SHANA MARIA VERGHIS

    So what you are implying is that it all goes downhill after that.

  • A. Noyd

    Wouldn’t the corollary to “God absolutely adores weddings” be that god also absolutely adores war, seeing as it’s the “ultimate outlet” for dudes’ supposed inborn strategic conquering side?

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    No, that’s not the implication. But… if you spend years fantasizing about your big day, building up in your mind as being the ultimate goal of your life once the flowers wilt, you’ve unwrapped all the wedding gifts and reality sets in there’s going to be let down, a ‘is this it?’ that implies you’ve got your major life achievement behind you, instead of it being one great day among many along your journey. That’s a lot of pressure, unreality and expectation to put on someone so sheltered and immature. Another reason why there are more divorces in the church than out among those outside the church.

  • Jennny

    I agree, I’m grateful that we were counselled to think in terms of the next 50yrs together, the ‘marriage’ and not just ‘the wedding,’ that one huge day! And we are still together after nearly 50yrs!

  • yulaffin

    Do they not allow comments on their articles? Maybe they don’t want to get an earful from people who “did everything right” but were brought up short when reality hit.

  • paganheart

    Congratulations and many blessings! 🙂

  • Ruthitchka

    Gee, I’m like, feeling totally “nastalic” right now. ( o ;

  • AuntKaylea

    Congrats! And best wishes for a beautiful life together.

  • paganheart

    I saw a TV report recently about a study indicating that the more money a couple spends on their wedding, the more likely they are to end up divorced. There were several possibilities cited as to why: perhaps couples who have the money to blow on an elaborate wedding are more likely to have the means and ability to get divorced later if things go south; perhaps spending ridiculous amounts of money on a wedding indicates a couple who don’t think long-term or understand how to manage money, and money problems are known to be one of the biggest causes of divorce; or perhaps it indicates that at least one party has ridiculously high expectations of marriage and views the wedding as a pinnacle event, disregarding the hard work that has to happen after the party’s over in order to make a marriage successful (which sort of sounds like this poor blog author.)

    My sister was one who always talked about her “dream wedding,” and when she married her first husband, she had an elaborate wedding (six bridesmaids in godawful dresses, including yours truly) at a destination resort, complete with a dress that cost about $1,000, a sit-down dinner reception with a band and dancing for 200 guests; and a week-long honeymoon in Hawaii. All together, the wedding cost about $40,000 (much of which was actually footed by the groom and his family, who were quite well-off.) Less than a decade later, she spent nearly that much on lawyers for a very contentious and nasty divorce. When she remarried a few years ago, she and her husband opted for a quickie elopement in Vegas.

    My husband and I just celebrated 23 years of marriage; it hasn’t always been easy, but we are happy. Our wedding took place at the courthouse before a Justice Of The Peace, with a couple of friends as witnesses. My husband wore his only good suit; I wore a gypsy-type skirt and peasant-type blouse I paid 50 bucks for at a secondhand store. Our “reception” was dinner at our favorite Mexican place, followed by a honeymoon night at a local bed and breakfast. The next day, we loaded a van and moved for my husband’s new job. (We had been living together for several months and knew we’d get married eventually, but his job, the move it required and the benefits it offered sort of forced our hand.) Six months later, we went back to my hometown so my parents could throw us a belated reception at a restaurant owned by family friends, but it was much less elaborate than my sister’s first wedding debacle.

    TL, DR; it is not the wedding that matters, it’s the marriage, and you’re in trouble if you think it’s the other way around.

  • AuntKaylea

    Not to mention that the rigid segregation, intrusion of parents into a relationship, and lack of emotional connection prior to marriage sets the marriage up to struggle.

  • AFo

    Oh I know all about having the big s**tshow wedding only for the marriage to crash and burn. I have a second cousin whose wedding was the most over-the-top extravaganza the family has ever seen. It easily cost upwards of 80 grand. Less than a year later, her husband came home and announced that he was moving out since he had found his “soulmate.” I don’t even know if they’d finished paying off the wedding by then. The good news was that the divorce was pretty quick and painless since they had no kids and had yet to combine many of their assets. Clearly, somewhere along the way, they got so wrapped up in planning this huge wedding that they never realized they had grown apart.

  • Anonyme

    Sadly too many people (especially women, if I may be honest) fail to recognize this. I witnessed this first-hand with my older sister. She had to have everything absolutely PERFECT and HER WAY. When my mom suggested a small change on the invitations and also wanted to invite her (my mom’s) friend, my sister threw a hissy fit. She wanted to control the ENTIRE wedding, even though my parents were footing the bill except for the wedding and bridesmaids’ dresses. Then Sister bought me earrings to match the said bridesmaids’ dresses, and when she found out I don’t have pierced ears anymore (I let the holes heal over because I didn’t want to fuss with earrings anymore), she threw another fit. My aunt even spent an hour trying to turn them into clip-on earrings.
    Five years later, she divorced. I don’t know all the details but I have a feeling, based on her behavior over the years, that really she only wanted a princess party and a lot of adoration. I mean, if you’re so obsessed with your wedding that you bitch at your own sister over a little thing like earrings…

  • Anonyme

    I thought the line about the “innocence of a pure white bride” was actually a dig at non-virgins, not just about tradition, since we all know a bride only has worth if her vagina is untouched. *barf*

  • megaforte84

    I was glad we went small.

    We were careful to keep me hydrated the morning of and fed in the week before (I have a history of appetite loss under stress, so me barely eating the day before was a known possibility). What we couldn’t have predicted was the adrenaline crash immediately after the vows meaning I could barely stand much less walk until it was time for the caterer to start packing up tables. Everything was fine except my knees, but I really needed those. The cake-cutting nearly turned into a Bride Down home video as it was even though we were rushing to keep me upright and I survived the first dance by reducing it to glorified rocking in place while leaning most of my weight on him.

    If we’d picked a larger venue had our hearts set on a proper-proper first dance, everything could have degraded into horror stories very very quickly. As it was, it was hilarious even in the moment and the physical limitation was just something everyone worked around.

  • megaforte84

    My family history includes someone having concerns at the last minute and going through anyway because DEPOSITS, only to be physically abused at the reception and separated within a month.

    ‘Never plan a wedding you can’t walk away from and never think your family cares more about the hotel reservations than your wellbeing’ has been the passed-down wisdom ever since.

  • megaforte84

    I wore pants. They were cream-colored, but they were pants.

    (So much better than needing serious help getting dressed or going to the bathroom. I only had a matron of honor and two female family members present so there was no way we could manage serious contortions. I didn’t even realize that benefit until the day of.)

    Congratulations!

  • Jewel

    Talk about Bridezilla!!

  • Jewel

    Not to mention, it sounded racist (“pure WHITE bride”), although probably not intentionally.

  • Jewel

    If God “absolutely adores weddings”, Adam and Eve really got jipped, being the first couple and all.

  • I have a lot of problems with that sentence, including linguistic ones…

  • Draco Malfoy

    That’s so pathetically sad. Weddings can be nice, sure. However, there is so much emphasis on the wedding that people often forget about the actual marriage. I see so much delusional, puerile, and unrealistic thinking and expectations with these sheltered little girls. I greatly admire my own grandparents that got married in nice suits at the justice of the peace without all of their family in attendance or breaking the bank. They were religious, but it wasn’t about the wedding.

  • Delilah Hart

    It would seem to me that the wedding is the easiest part of a marriage. Holding it together is the hard part, and that’s where the success or failure comes in.