No Longer Quivering
by Lori Alexander from The Transformed Wife – My Husband’s Past Struggle
Editor’s note: Oh my, Lori is expounding on the point in her book where she says if your husband dies of a preventable illness, or suffers the logical outcome of a bad behavior you are to smile sweetly and leave him to his doom. I get the feeling yet again that if that actually played out in her own marriage she would be pointing at the corpse and yelling ‘I TOLD YOU SO!’
Reading through the entire post I get the vibe that it’s not so much Ken’s struggle as it was Lori’s with the years of nagging. No one, no matter what sex or marital status, enjoys being nagged. Except maybe a few people into abuse and humiliation. The only non toxic bit of all of this is when Lori says you are to mention your concerns a couple of times. Yes, mention it, strongly if you have to voicing concern instead of beating someone up for whatever is going on. Ultimately it is on our own selves to change. No one ever changed because someone was nagging them in my personal experience.
I have been mentoring women for the past ten years and I now encourage them to stop trying to control what their husband watches, what he eats, what he wears, what he does with his free time, where he goes, etc. We are their wife, not their mother. Yes, he may have heart disease and eats terrible. He doesn’t obey the doctor and you only nag him about his eating because you want him to be healthy. However, this is NOT our responsibility unless he wants us to hold him accountable. If not, give up ALL control and you won’t believe the freedom you find in this.
He watches too much television. He plays too much golf. He spends too much money. He drinks too much alcohol. And on and on the list goes. You may have a hundred reasons why you feel justified in trying to change his behavior. I sure know I did! Hundreds, but it still doesn’t give us the right to try and control them. This is not our job. Men are not attracted to their mothers. We were created to be his help meet, not his conscience. Share your opinions with him a few times and then let it go.
He is a man now. He gets to live his life the way he wants to live it. He didn’t marry you to nag him.
You did not marry him to be nagged constantly by him either. That is another one of those things that should hold true for either partner that QF loves to put only on the wife. Leadership is not nagging. Being the spiritual head of the home is not nagging others.
QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.
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