Quoting Quiverfull: Stop Judging Potential Suitors?

Quoting Quiverfull: Stop Judging Potential Suitors? May 9, 2017

quotingquiverfullby Debi Pearl from No Greater Joy – Do You Want to Get Married?

Editor’s note: Debi continues on in her theme that women in the 20 to 30+ year old range who’ve been carefully homeschooled are driving men away in droves by judging potential suitors harshly. Then she orders you to stop that, giving simplistic suggestions on how to overcome a lifetime of judgmentalism. Oh Mrs. Pearl! Thanks for the laughs.

Let me warn you: you have been nurtured into the image of a Pharisee. It is now part of your character. For the rest of your life, your initial and natural response will be to judge the motives and actions of your husband and those around you. You will look down on lack of decorum, silly comments, or irreligious decision, and you might be totally correct, but who are you to be the keeper of the gate? Your whole life has schooled you to judge. If you see your fault and would change, you must begin schooling yourself in mercy and grace.
Mike has always described girls who men find most appealing as “vulnerable.” They are not guarded. They don’t appear to be weighing the motives of others. The gate to their soul is open. Their eyes are alight with interest and curiosity. They appear to be having fun and living in a state of serenity. They are wise and discerning but not critical or judgmental. They don’t think of themselves as better than those around them.

Practice makes perfect. Practice having a merry and thankful heart (open, non-judgmental spirit). Most people have practiced hitting the notes of bitterness, sourness, hurt feelings, and frustration so long that their soul finds the discordant (disparaging) notes easily, almost without thought.

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.

moreRead more by Debi Pearl

Homeschooing the Wrong Way


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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • SAO

    Of course, Michael Pearl, a classic abuser, finds ‘vulnerable’ women more attractive. That’s what abusers look for.

  • Saraquill

    “Your whole life has schooled you to judge.”

    Debi does not believe in self awareness.

  • Aloha

    ‘Mike has always described girls who men find most appealing as “vulnerable.” They are not guarded. They don’t appear to be weighing the motives of others. The gate to their soul is open. Their eyes are alight with interest and curiosity. They appear to be having fun and living in a state of serenity. They are wise and discerning but not critical or judgmental. They don’t think of themselves as better than those around them.’

    That was quite a paragraph. I might point out that there is an intermediary stance between being super-protected and being super-vulnerable. It’s called being real.

  • Aloha

    Double-like on that one!

  • Mirella222

    Women are not one-dimensional, and shouldn’t have to be. Sure, sometimes you are going to be fun, and sometimes you will be curious, and sometimes you will be able to be wise without being critical. But not always. Sometimes you are going to be too angry or sad or disappointed to be a lot of fun. Sometimes you are going to be completely disinterested in a topic and won’t be able to muster up curiosity. And sometimes it will be impossible to be wise and discerning while also being uncritical. And that does not make you less worthy of love or respect or happiness. Women do not have to pretend to be manic pixie dream girls in order to be deserving of love and companionship.

  • AuntKaylea

    Wow. “Who are you to be keeper of the gate?” I am the only one who can say “yes” for myself and “no” for myself. In fact, Scripture tells me to “let my yes be yes and my no be no.”. I’m the only one who can give consent for me.

    Who am I to be the keeper of the gate? I am a daughter of the most High, chosen before the foundation of the world, created in His image and likeness to walk in the good works which Christ Himself has ordained. I have been gifted and equipped and charged with stewardship of myself, my talents, my future.

    Who am I to be the keeper of the gate? I am one who is trying to speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of the poor and needy, who sees that my trading is profitable, who aspires to strength and dignity, and saves so that I may laugh at the days to come. I attempt to speak with wisdom. I am worth more than rubies. And I alone have the responsibility as an adult to be “the keeper of the gate” to my very self.

  • texassa

    “Mike has always described girls who men find most appealing as “vulnerable.” ”

    Girls should not be dating men. And if the author is simply using the word “girls” to refer to over-18 adult women, that is very telling about how this person (and their circle of influence) views women.

    I do not doubt that some men prefer women who work hard at “appearing to be having fun” and who ensure their eyes are projecting the right amount of innocent light to attract a potential husband. That’s perfect. Because that is the kind of man I wouldn’t want as my partner anyway, so really it’s making good use of everyone’s time that these men may not be interested in me.

  • AFo

    Sooooo, if I’m understanding this correctly, Debi is upset that women raised in the homeschool movement are wary of men…after the homeschool movement, of which she is a part, taught them and made them believe that men are basically animals who will rape a woman without the slightest provocation. You can’t have it both ways, Debi

  • Mollywog

    For the love of um…. kittens? “you have been nurtured into the image of a Pharisee”. Presumably, if anyone is listening or reading her hateful spews they were brought up the same way that Debi advocates, no one in the real world would be paying any attention except in the way that we do. We’ve seen what “they” say about needing to find a Godly man. So yeah, if she ended up that way, guess who’s to blame?

  • gimpi1

    Wait, the Pearls are calling for people (well, just women) to be nonjudgemental? Did I just see a pig fly by?

    So, don’t judge potential husbands. Just judge women who work outside the home, women who wear pants, women who wear short skirts, women who don’t marry, women who don’t have kids, women who don’t home-school, women who vaccinate their kids, women who take their kids to the doctor, women who … well,women.

    I assume men are supposed to continue being judgemental jerks and parents are still to assume their kids are bundles of sin and his followers are still supposed to assume that everyone not in their sub-culture is awful. After all, we wouldn’t want to go crazy with nonjudgementalism…

  • gimpi1

    “Girls should not be dating men.”

    Oh, good catch. And darn good point. Well spotted.

  • And the culture which she helps perpetuate, and says nothing actually critical about it.

  • This is beautiful!

  • AuntKaylea

    Thank you!