Quoting Quiverfull: Build a Good Relationship With Your Child Before Abuse?

Quoting Quiverfull: Build a Good Relationship With Your Child Before Abuse? June 27, 2017

copeyhorses1by Michael Pearl from No Greater Joy – The Two-Brained Kid

Editor’s note: Oddly enough in the last bit of this of mules and children Michael never goes to his obvious usual solution – beating the mule/child to make them behave. This is one of those rare Pearl pieces where Michael gives non-toxic advice. Yes, it is important to establish a good relationship with your children, but that does not include physical violence, the thing lurking just below the surface in Pearlworld.

So, now that I have described your situation exactly, what can you do to reverse this trend? Start by convincing your child that you have goodwill toward him, that you are delighted with him, that he makes your life full and rich. You can’t do this in times of confrontation. You would look and feel like an imbecile if you started warm, fuzzy talk with him when the kid simply needs rebuking. In the good times, take your child by the hand and do something fun together. Enjoy his projects. Laugh at his antics. Call someone else, and let your son hear you tell them how smart or strong or tough he is. Be creative in devising ways to be pleased with your child.

Remember this well: As a parent, it is your responsibility to cultivate a mutual feeling of goodwill between you and your children. When your child can relax in your presence, then—and only then—you can train him in obedience that leads to character. When your relationship gets confrontational, the only thing you can communicate is that you are tougher than he is. He needs to be assured of your toughness, but it is pitiful indeed if that is the sole basis of his obedience.

So let’s finish where we started. A child (and a mule) has two brains: an Acting (thinking) Brain and a Reacting Brain. The reacting mental state is not a trainable condition; the thinking brain is. So learn to think and act; don’t wait until both of you are reacting. Don’t let your son grow up to be a mule, for you already know what that is like.

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.

moreRead more by Michael Pearl

Of Mules and Children

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Nea

    As a parent, it is your job to get your child to drop their defenses and trust you before violently violating that trust.

    This is also the advice Debi gives when trying to decide how to punish a child for masturbating: gently get out of them what gave them the idea, then use that to determine the length and severity of punishment.

    No wonder their kids are wrecks.

  • Saraquill

    Add psychological abuse to make the physical more “effective?” May he never step outside without a bird crapping on his head.

  • Tawreos

    Reading some of the advice that Pearl and others like him give to people makes me wish I had gone into the mental health field. Parents that follow his advice are going to end up with kids that need a lot of help down the road. I hope they get it.

  • Mel

    Perhaps a better way of looking at this is that Pearl is dictating how to create honeymoon periods for child abusers – you know, just in case they can’t figure it out themselves.

  • AFo

    “Mimic a healthy relationship with your kids, but never let them forget who’s boss and what happens if they get out of line”

  • Rachel

    “So now that I have described your situation exactly…”
    Awfully self-assured there, aren’t we?

  • Anthrotheist

    Be creative in devising ways to be pleased with your child.

    Really? You have to devise ways to be pleased with your child? This reads like a how-to guide to being a sociopath.

  • Nea

    The Pearl kids themselves – Mikey’s living legacy – are utter messes, each and every one. Unable to hold jobs outside the family cult and in at least one (and possibly two) cases not just poor but third-world poor.

  • SAO

    The goal of sensible parents is to raise children who make good choices. Training them to obey is preventing them from making choices. When I was having difficulty with my daughter, a school counsellor asked, ‘what is more important? What you want or your relationship?’ Pearl chooses his wants over everything.

  • Friend

    Regarding “‘what is more important? What you want or your relationship?'” … I’m sure that was an excellent question in your situation, but what a lot of parents want is a good relationship–so the distinction is lost. Moreover, from the parent’s perspective, the good relationship might have to include the child’s obedience, maturity, wisdom, achievement, etc.

    As kids work their way through the teen years, parents need to develop healthy detachment. This can be painful and scary for parents and kids alike, especially since parents and children are closer than they were a generation or two ago.

    It’s hard for parents of older teens to make the transition from guide and advisor to peer and listener. One phrase that sometimes helps is for a parent to say, “I have complete confidence that you can figure this out.” That’s also not a bad thing for a son or daughter to say to a parent.

  • Allison the Great

    These people shouldn’t even be allowed to look at a picture of a kid, much less be in the same room with one or, Odin forbid, have one under their care.

  • Allison the Great

    Michael Pearl is a goddamn sociopath. The guy liked to go and “hunt” animals just so he could hurt them. He didn’t use the meat or anything, he just let the carcasses rot and kept on killing them. This guy is beyond fucked up.

  • Cryny

    Why limit it to the outdoors? May he be lulled into a false sense of security of having a roof over his head and get crapped on anyway.

  • Nightshade

    The first paragraph overall actually isn’t terrible. If only he could have stopped there, without using that relationship-building as a way to find excuses for punishing a child.

  • Quinsha

    May the bird of paradise fly up his nose.


  • What the… Seriously? I thought I had read everything Pearl, but this one is new. Where did you read this?

  • Nea

    Somewhere here as an excerpt.

  • Nea

    With guns far too powerful for the prey. He’s just all about proving he’s a man by hurting what he knows can’t actually hurt him back.

  • SAO

    A good relationship requires mutual respect and understanding. If you are defining a good relationship as your kids acting/being a certain way, that is not respecting who they are. Further, it is a conditional relationship.

    Obedience is crap, certainly in the teen years. Particularly because there are times when you are going to do something that is wrong. If you focus on obedience, you won’t apologize. I find it hypocritical that so many parents demand an I’m sorry from their kids, but never offer one themselves.