No Longer Quivering
by Michal Crum of Warhorn and ridiculously rubber-stamped by Tim Bayly, he of the thin, weak, easily-threatened masculinity – BAM!
Editor’s note: Oh brother! So what all are we supposed to do and be in Quiverfull according to the cultural enforcers, cheerful, modest, sacrificial servant husbands and children, but we’re not allowed to be best friend to that same husband? While I will agree with the author that to have a happy and healthy marriage one does not need to be joined at the hip 24 hours a day, it is important to be friends on a deeper level than you are with many of your other friends.
On a side note: Nary a peep from Bayly et al about the demonic nature of man rompers. They have deeply disappointed me.
The fact is, marriage is so much more than friendship. I am 100% in favor of spouses being best friends. If your marriage is also your closest friendship, that’ s fantastic. But trying to upgrade the status of “husband” by adding “best friend” is kind of like saying, “Yeah, she’s my mother. But get this—she’s also my hairdresser!” My husband is many things that a best friend can never be. He is a provider, a protector, a lover, a father to my children, a comrade in arms. And unlike “best friend,” “husband” is an exclusive label.
Friendship is a good base for a healthy marriage. But when we make “best friend” a prerequisite for our spouse, we’re usually setting unhealthy expectations. A husband cannot and should not meet our every relational need. Women need girlfriends—someone who can understand the struggles that are unique to being a woman, from bad hair days to bad PMS days. I have sisters and friends and best friends, and my marriage is happier for it—because I’m not an emotional leech on my husband. I don’t expect him to nod sympathetically at just the right moment, or help me pick out a sexy pair of mom-jeans. And he has friends, too (yay!) which releases me from any obligation of watching kung fu, helping him move a washing machine, and (for the most part) discussing the intricacies of computer coding. And for that I am thankful.
QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.
Read more by Tim Bayly
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