Encouraging Your Husband: Part 2 Dress To Please

Encouraging Your Husband: Part 2 Dress To Please August 5, 2017

EncouragingThere are actually only two posts in this chapter, and yes, the next chapter involves cooking. Plus Nancy also has a chapter on sex. Last week we saw one of them, it was short. The one I am quoting today is l-0-n-g and I’m going to be quoting it in parts. The gist is that this woman’s husband complained she only dressed up for other folks.

This is a series looking at the marriage advice given in Nancy Campbell’s book ‘How to Encourage Your Husband’.

While packing for a move I have turned up are books, terrible idiotic books filled with toxic advice. One of those books is by Nancy Campbell of Above Rubies ‘How to Encourage Your Husband’. I think I ended up with this book in the aftermath of leaving my old church, given to me by one of my former friends that thought it would ‘help’ my marriage since in her eyes my husband leaving our old church meant that I wasn’t doing my job of wife well enough. Reading through this book now I cannot help but laugh at some of the suggestions. The book is entirely written by commenters and comments from Nancy Campbell’s website.

Ask Your Husband

Not every husband desires his wife to wear make-up. Some men prefer their wives fresh-faced. Have you asked your husband how he likes you to look? Many women simply dress to please themselves or mimic the styles of the other women with whom they associate. Does your husband prefer you to wear dresses and skirts or does he love you in the sporty look of pants and jeans? I like to wear my hair up as my long hair drives me crazy while I’m working around the house. My husband likes it down, so before he comes home, I usually take it down and brush out the tangles.

Next week this commenter bashes wearing sweats or fundamentalist cotton jumpers.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Melody

    Shorter version: Be a barbie doll for your husband because that’s what he signed up for…

  • Friend

    Balance is needed, not attempts to please or obey or command. To me it makes sense for each person to have an idea what the partner prefers. The easiest way is to pay simple compliments: “You look nice in that,” “I really like your hair that way,” etc. This signals attraction and continued interest–valuable things over the long haul.

    It’s harder to communicate turnoffs, but that can also be done kindly in a secure relationship: “I know that’s your favorite bathrobe, but would you like a new one for your birthday?”

    I think couples should also ask each other’s opinion from time to time: “What do you think we should wear to your cousin’s wedding?”

  • Chiropter

    This is a case where the base concept could be sound, but I don’t trust the source. Husband has a better aesthetic sense than I do, and there are some clothes I pick because he likes them. I often ask if he has a preference on what I wear.

    That said, I do it strictly because I want to. If I don’t want to dress up, I have no moral obligation to do so. I also have opinions on what he wears or how he does his hair – and he is equally free to ignore me.

    I suspect that in Nancy’s world, none of those ideas would be acceptable.

  • Mirella222

    It’s fine to take your partner’s preferences into consideration when you are doing your makeup, getting dressed, doing your hair, etc. However, this should go both ways; it shouldn’t just be the husband telling his wife what to wear, but refusing to change a thing about his own appearance. And also, you do have final say over your own body; if something makes you uncomfortable, be that wearing a certain style of clothes or wearing a certain hairstyle or keeping/removing various body hair, then you have a right to say no, and should not feel badly about doing so. Healthy relationships include respecting your partner and wanting them to feel happy and comfortable, it’s not just about wanting them to look good for you, so there needs to be balance.

  • Anonyme

    Heh, I was just about to comment that Nancy makes women out to be living, breathing My Size Barbies for their husbands.

  • lady_black

    If I asked my husband what he thought I should wear, he would just look at me funny. I don’t think how I look affects his love for me one way or another. I try to take pride in my appearance, am always clean, but have never enjoyed wearing makeup. I know women who would never let their husband see them without makeup, but after 30 years, he’s used to seeing me that way. I guess he can’t think I look too horrid, LOL.

  • lady_black

    Too much trouble.

  • Sari

    Agreed. My husband has excellent taste in clothing, especially when it comes to what I should wear to formal events. While I have said, “Nope!” to dresses that I do not like, I am always complimented on the dresses that he and I have agreed on (sorry for the humble brag).

    I think that to Nancy a man with good taste in clothes equates to weak at best and homosexual at worst.

  • Tawreos

    I don’t have a big problem with this. When in a relationship I choose to dress in ways that I know my partner likes, and in my last relationship he would do the same. I see nothing wrong with each one trying to please their partner. In this case the problem is that it is all one sided. Nancy really needs to learn the phrase “What is good for the goose is good for the gander.”

  • AFo

    Be stylish for your husband, but hide everything womanly about yourself to prevent someone else from lusting after you. And you’re always “on the clock” so don’t even think about putting sweatpants on for your own personal comfort.

  • Friend

    There are no one-size-fits-all answers. Just like there are no one-size-fits-all pants that don’t make my butt look big. 🙂

  • zizania

    Tell your husband you’d love to see him in a kilt and see how well that goes over.

  • Debbie Holt

    Soooooo VERY TRUE!

  • Debbie Holt

    Very well said!

  • texassa

    These people are mentally ill.

  • EbbyBee

    My husband reigns in my worst fashion tendencies. I’m happy to have his opinion and I value it. But right now I’m sitting here in baggy cat pajamas and no force on heaven or earth could change that.

  • Quinsha

    Mine was married to me in a kilt. I wore a matching plaid skirt. Celtic styled pagan wedding.

  • Lady Alexandra

    That’s the thing. I make sure to get undressed in front of my partners because they like to see my body. (And the uncritical appreciation helps with self-esteem issues….) But I don’t wear what I wear to make them happy. I wear it because it works for me. Now, I know they are both utterly delighted by the fact that I prefer wearing thong panties, but even if they didn’t react that way, I’d wear them because they are more comfortable than a full brief when they crawl up my butt. (sigh)

    One could argue that I selected men who like my style, I suppose. It works for us both.