Answering ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’ – Am I Flirting or Not?

Answering ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’ – Am I Flirting or Not? October 5, 2017

AnsweringAnother young woman being told she’s too forward and flirty for being comfortable enough with guys to talk to them like a human being.
Another installment of giving better answers to the questions asked at Debi Pearl’s site message board for the book ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’. Many young ladies ask questions on all sorts of different subjects brought up by the book. There was just one big problem,many of the answers stray into either the outright bad and emotionally unhealthy to dangerous. Yes, typical Debi Pearl borderline abusive. Here’s what we’re going to be doing here at NLQ. Every week, once or twice a week, I’ll be posting up one of the questions from the message board and ask you, our readers, to answer that poor soul’s question in a way that is logical, rational and the best possible solution, in other words 180 degree turn from Debi and friends answers. As always  all spelling and grammar in the posting is unchanged from the original author.

Am I flirting or not?

I’m an outgoing girl, and i only grew up with guys which is why I’m very comfortable around them. When I was younger I only wanted to hang out with guys , and thankfully that changed.

But I’m still comfortable around guys and talk with them (not privately just when we are in groups) Some people see this as flirting and have given me warnings. other people say that I’m being friendly. i would appreciate your thoughts. Im a go to gal. And I don’t want to become a grabber.

No one bothered to answer this young woman. What would you tell her?


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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • texassa

    You are becoming a young adult and are old enough to make decisions about your behavior and interactions for yourself. Are you flirting inappropriately with these young men? Only you can answer that question! You have spent your childhood being taught right from wrong from your parents, teachers, and church. You read blogs like this one for guidance. Now is the time to take that information you have been given and learn to think for yourself. How do you believe you should interact with others? What are your intentions, and are those intentions acceptable to you? Often times people will comment on or criticize what others are doing in an effort to make themselves feel important or superior. It’s also possible these people are envious of you for some reason. You cannot change how you live your life anytime someone disagrees with you. Are you flirting? You already know the answer to that question. I would advise you not worry about what others think.

  • AFo

    I’d say she’s a normal person. I know plenty of girls and women who were/are more comfortable around guys. It doesn’t make you a slut, and it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. Relax and enjoy your friends.

  • mashava

    Got to love how talking to guys is flirting. And by love I obviously mean hate.

  • Tawreos

    Sounds like you are comfortable with who you are and like to be around other people. Enjoy your life, it is off to a good start.

  • Anonyme

    A member of the female sex wanting to be happy and self-fulfilled? Gotta nip that in the bud.

  • Iain Lovejoy

    “Some people see this as flirting and have given me warnings.”
    If these people are women, they are probably jealous, either those of your own age who are afraid to or don’t know how to relate to members of the opposite sex as human beings, or older women who didn’t / couldn’t at your age, can’t do now and don’t see why you should. If men, they are frightened, because if women started to see that they were allowed personalities of their own, where would it end?
    What you are is a normal, well adjusted human being, capable of interacting normally with other humans (of either sex).
    And also, so what if you are flirting? A bit of mild flirting is another normal piece of human behavior by which people find out if they are attracted to each other and / or practice for interaction with members of the opposite sex with whom there is real attraction going on.
    A word of warning, though: if you are dealing with fundy / quiverfull males you need to be cautious. While most may be sensible and OK, some may never have been properly taught about consent, some have often been taught that any sexual feelings they have are not their responsibility but those of whoever they have the feelings for, and the division of women into a strict category of virgin / slut may mean they decide that any form of friendliness from you which they misinterpret as sexual interest indicates you are a “slut” who has sex with everyone, and that therefore they are entitled (because you have “provoked” their feelings) to have sex with you, and get angry if denied.
    (I may be OTT with the warning, but if you are moving in circles where you get people warning you about flirting and are writing to Debi Perle for advice, such men / boys are a potential hazard.)

  • The Jack of Sandwich

    Has to defensively point out that she doesn’t talk to guys ALONE. That would be horrible, no she just talks to guys when she’s in a group!

  • lady_black

    It’s a valuable skill, being able to relate to 100% of other humans and not just the ones with the same anatomy. It will serve you well. Keep up the good work, and spend less time worrying about what other people think. They don’t matter.

  • guerillasurgeon

    Forward? Who says forward any more? I haven’t heard forward used in that sense since about nineteen fifty-seven.

  • Rizdek

    Not enough info. What’s she doing or talking about when she’s with the guys. Perhaps she is flirting. But what’s wrong with flirting?

  • Delilah Hart

    If other people think you’re being flirtatious, that’s their problem, not yours. If someone gets the wrong idea, kindly inform them that just because a woman is friendly doesn’t mean she wants to fornicate.