Encouraging Your Husband – Be a Slave?

Encouraging Your Husband – Be a Slave? December 7, 2017


I’ve taken a month long break from Nancy Campbell’s book ‘How to Encourage Your Husband’ by the commenters on Above Rubies her website. I was not entirely sure if I would continue it, or if it would be possible under the new changes to Google and the changes with their SEO rules.

But I cannot abandon this book halfway through when it’s filled with childish babbling and simple things many of us do without Nancy standing over us with a plumbing line switch insisting we grovel and behave like slaves. Most of us manage encouraging our spouses with dignity and without debasing of self. Not all of Nancy Campbell’s commenters are capable of that.

Today’s comment is by a lady that thinks all of her husband’s ideas are just so wonderful and she has to do them all instead of perhaps only doing the ones she wants or are practical. It reinforces the toxic trope that whatever the man wants he gets no matter how much it puts a woman out.

He Knows BEST!

I asked my husband how I can best encourage him because I thought he would know best! He answered, “By loving on me, hugging on me, speaking nicely to me, making biscuits and corn bread for me and looking sexy for me”

Notice that this list is not reciprocal in the least, plus all of the things he requested are all actions that touch his senses of hearing, feeling, eating and looking. I’m not even sure what he means by ‘loving on me’?

moreRead more Encouraging Your Husband

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • quietglow

    “Loving on” is a regional way to describe giving affectionate attention. It can easily be nonsexual… like, if I heard someone was loving on a baby or a small dog, I would expect to see them talking to said being affectionately, and hugging or patting. Now that I think about it, it’s usually in a caregiver context. (“The little girl was in the corner loving on her doll” means she was rocking it and singing to it, for example.)

    Usually if a spouse wants this they can just snuggle their partner and see reciprocation…

  • SAO

    If you actually want to encourage someone, you notice good things they do and comment on them.
    Speaking nicely should be a no-brainer and loving and hugging someone should be expressions of your love, not a duty or “encouragement.”

    Let’s say your husband is feeling discouraged because he hates his job or salary. Will “loving on” him and looking sexy for him do anything for that? No. Encouragement might be to figure out how to juggle his job, your job, the kids and his taking some classes to be able to get a better job. It might be talking his looking for a new job and would you be willing to move for it. Those are real things and real discussions.

    Baking biscuits, speaking nicely, and giving him a hug are pretty much the same as patting a disappointed kid on the head.

  • Saraquill

    He wants an Oedipal sex bot.

  • Saraquill

    I rather prefer the way I encourage my husband. It involves supporting his studies and telling him things like “Believe in the me that believes in you.”

  • Jim Jones

    > Nancy standing over us with a plumbing line switch insisting we grovel and behave like slaves.

    Sounds like a kinkster to me.

  • quietglow

    Without any context, I would basically read this as “would you act like you liked me?”

  • bekabot

    By loving on me, hugging on me, speaking nicely to me, making biscuits and corn bread for me and looking sexy for me

    Please note that these are only five or six things and don’t amount to a life’s devotion, so that even if a wife does them all and even if her husband gets everything he wants, she’s going to be left with a lot of time on her hands.

  • Raging Bee

    It’s an attempt to normalize THEIR kind of power-exchange, which is more like just plain abuse than BDSM.

  • Shan

    Ours is a drill that will pierce the heavens?

  • Saraquill

    The BDSM erotica I like to read is big on consent, negotiations and aftercare. I’m not sure Campbell is aware they exist.

  • Raging Bee

    Of course he’d never sully his heart by reading such dirty stuff! Heaven forefend!

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Then you’re going to love/or be nauseated by the Biblical Gender Roles post going up at 5pm est. Larry is claiming, and I quote directly from him ‘The way to a man’s heart is through his penis’ Larry gets so explicit in his quirks and kinks that it’s almost unreadable. I had to rewrite his requirements as comically as possible to stay on the safe side of Patheo’s no dirty words rule.

  • Raging Bee

    Without even trying to honestly understand any of those impulses. That, IMHO, is the sickest and most harmful aspect of all this.

  • Almost a chimp

    My wife begs to differ. She insists that the way to a man’s heart is directly through the ribcage. Going in via the penis is just too long-winded and messy, and requires a blade longer and thinner than the one she prefers using!

  • quietglow

    Also, I told my mother about this as a bit of dialect curiosity, and said “it’s got to be Southern, he asked to be baked biscuits and cornbread.”

    “Good! Sounds like a cheap date!”


    “Just open a box of cornbread mix and ‘honey, I’m off to the movies!'”

    She and my dad have been happily married for a long time now. They both cook.

  • Delilah Hart

    Her husband sounds more like a child than a man.