Women Are Like Lollipops in a Sweet Shop?

Women Are Like Lollipops in a Sweet Shop? May 9, 2019
Imagine this screen cap from “Willy Wonka” is Michael in college examining his women options.

This comes from another one of those letters the Pearls claim to get that they publish in No Greater Joy magazine with some pretty bizarre answers. This month most of the magazine revolves around Michael answering questions. This question is how do you do choose a wife. Michael starts out describing women as lollipops at the store.

Michael thinks the college aged writer didn’t write this letter, but that his mom did. Knowing how false almost all of the Pearl letters seem I would not doubt this is another cut, paste and write what you want self-penned letter.

It seems very odd that most of the content of the May/June 2019 is Michael-centric. Almost as if they are eager to show off the trained pet monkey that is the centerpiece of the organization. Most odd. Must keep money machine going.

Listen to Michael wax rhapsodic about his college years in details none of us needed to hear if we hope to keep our breakfast down.

This sounds like it was written by your mother, not a young man in college overrun with pheromones and hormones. When I was in college, I fought a continuous battle of self-restraint. I was a country kid in a candy store. I had a quarter to spend, and I took every opportunity to do some window shopping. It would be years before I would spend my only coin, but it was burning a hole in my pocket every day with the very thought of finally choosing among the lollypops.

He paid a whole quarter for Debi? Hey big spender!

I could not take the rest of the article seriously after Michael’s rant about women as lollipops. We’ve heard him describing women who have had sex as ‘Pre-licked Candy Bars’ and a host of other terrible things.

There’s just something about comparing living breathing women with thoughts, feelings and agency as a brainless inanimate consumable object that is so wrong. It speaks to a woman having no choice in the matter, picked, unwrapped and consumed by any guy with the lust and the quarter to take her home.

Objects are also not equal to the people consuming them.

No wonder all the fathers in Michael’s brand of religion are so zealously guarding their daughters. If their daughters are like lollipops anyone can have them.

Much of Michael’s advice on finding a wife is pretty standard. In fact, Michael says one of the most common sense things out of his mouth ever. To wait until you finish college before seeking a wife. Not a bad plan. You’ll want to be sure your education is out of the way before taking on a life partner.

But his insistence that a missions trip is the best way to get to know someone intimately is pretty bad. It is not an environment that leads to the kinds of interaction you need to determine if that other person is right for you. Too busy, too many others and being so far out of your element isn’t a comfortable or relaxed place for romantic thoughts.


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About Suzanne Titkemeyer
Suzanne Titkemeyer went from a childhood in Louisiana to a life lived in the shadow of Washington D.C. For many years she worked in the field of social work, from national licensure to working hands on in a children's residential treatment center. Suzanne has been involved with helping the plights of women and children' in religious bondage. She is a ordained Stephen's Minister with many years of counseling experience. Now she's retired to be a full time beach bum in Tamarindo, Costa Rica with the monkeys and iguanas. She is also a thalassophile. She also left behind years in a Quiverfull church and loves to chronicle the worst abuses of that particular theology. She has been happily married to her best friend for the last 32 years. You can read more about the author here.

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