Lori Alexander of The Transformed Wife is on Twitter posting domestic violence victim blaming. She says that disrespectful women get beaten and submissive ones do not basically. Days like today I wonder if it’s Lori’s brain tumor talking or did someone haul her down to the local Sherwin-Williams, stick her head in the paint shaking machine and turn it on high. This is sick, most people don’t victim blame so readily unless something is quite wrong inside themselves.
That is not even remotely true. If a man is abusive to start with it’s not going to matter what type of women you are. Reading through reams of research on the issues of spousal abuse at universities and government agencies the thing that leaps out about domestic partner violence isn’t the victims. The victims embody every type of woman you could imagine. The only thing that even slightly lined up in a pattern are the batterers, the men. Almost to a one the warning signs in their personalities could be tracked, not the personalities of the victims.
It would take too long to list all of the legitimate studies that disprove Lori’s claims. From articles on PBS.com, to research papers at places like Fullerton.edu and other educational facilities, to copious amounts of materials at government agencies that study abuse. Google it. There is so much material out there that disproves what Ms. Alexander is stating here!
No matter what claims Lori makes they are not supported by any research at all. Lori has spun this up out of her own misogyny, jealousy of other women, hatred, and need to blame others. This is particularly loathsome to say during domestic violence awareness month.
This jumped out at me from the list of warnings of what to watch for in a man:
Tell me this is not the M.O. of just about every single Good Christian Patriarch we cover here? It’s listed as a huge predictor of future domestic violence.
But tell me this list of red flags does not line up with the public behavior of a certain older female cultural enforcer:
- Controlling Behavior
- Unrealistic Expectations
- Blames Others for Problems
And don’t you dare experience anything negative and not smile and submit in the world of Lori or she will still shame you. You aren’t allowed your own pain in her world. Only a man’s pain matters. Not yours. There is no room for anything negative.
But here’s the thing, a loving just God would not blame you for your own pain. There would be no shaming, no blaming, only grace and mercy. Love, not this boatload of shaming.
Please know if he’s abusing you it’s not your fault. You don’t deserve it! You didn’t bring it on yourself. You don’t have to dismiss and minimize your pain. Ignore the Loris of this world and get help. Everyone deserves a life free of violence and abuse.
RAINN – 800.656.4673
The Hotline – 800.799.7233
ETA: It’s approximately 2:11 in California and Lori Alexander has just pulled this tweet down, and deleted all the responses. I guess that’s what happens when other ministries start rebuking your words.
ETA2: It’s up again.
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