The Heinous Detestable Act – Sexual Hangups in Evangelicalism

The Heinous Detestable Act – Sexual Hangups in Evangelicalism December 17, 2019

We have to talk about sex again in Quiverfull marriage. Why? Because there are few things in marriage that impact happiness levels than a good sex life that satisfies both partners. This is just another area that Quiverfull seeks full control, the bedroom, when it should genuinely only be between the husband and the wife, not the husband, wife, church and cultural enforcers.

It’s not like they can agree on what constitutes a good healthy marital sex life either. You have guys like Vaughn Ohlman of “What Are You Doing?” that seems to spend way too much time thinking about teenagers having sex, pushing marriage as young teens to keep everyone pure as the driven snow from the demon of lust.

Then you have guys like Larry Solomon from Biblical Gender Roles that seem to believe women never have sexual pleasure so it’s okay to rape your wife after she’s said no for the millionth time. Just do not look at her sinning weeping face while you force her to have sex with you. Larry also believes that porn is okay and if you’re a single woman who wants to be a prostitute that perfectly fine. Oh, and that fathers own a daughters virginity.

These two guys almost completely represent the rainbow of sexual thought in Quiverfull.  The main point being ‘Poppa gets laid like he likes it upon demand and to heck with anyone else.”

What about the ladies I hear you say. Well, that’s where it gets decidedly weirder.

Nancy Campbell (Above Rubies) and many of the other female cultural enforcers, even Debi Pearl (No Greater Joy), skirt around the subject, rarely covering it in any detail. Just saying “Do it when he wants with a smile!” To deny a husband sexual relief when requested and to fail to be joyous about it is a sin according to these ladies.

Yesterday Lori Alexander started bashing oral sex. Not surprising. I would venture to guess in the World According to Lori it is lights on, many on top, get it over with quickly sex only. Lori said that no one talked about oral sex, or even knew it existed until the Bill Clinton and Monica Lewensky scandal but now public schools are filled with oral sodomy galore.

I am roughly in the same age group as Lori, attended private religious schools yet knew about all those things by 1972. But I did live in the hotbed of sin that is South Louisiana instead of a wealthy sheltered community in California. Did Lori genuinely not have friends, or go hang out at the mall, or go to sleep overs? Kids back in those ancient times traded knowledge of sex and the like hanging out together.

Lori behaves as if no one heard of these things before Clinton. Which is pretty funny considering recent archeological digs in Roman ruins have turned out remains of brothels that predate Christ with  painted signage displaying sexual acts like oral sex and the prices for services. As King Solomon said, there is nothing new under the sun.

What was interesting about that is that the toxic borderline red pill guys that follow her around were just not having it at all. There was pushback in comments, her Facebook page and the chatroom along with other places. One example:

and then we circle back around to anal sex with Lori Alexander defender and a recent NLQ commenter Silence DoGood who went crazy:

Lori went on to claim that public school is a free floating sea of oral sex. The entire thread on her blog is filled with enormous amounts of fear, lies and hysteria.

What never occurs to Lori is that every couple’s sex life is their business. As long as they are satisfied by what happens in their bedroom it is literally not the business of her, or me, or anything else. Every couple is uniquely different with differing needs and wants. Swinging from the chandeliers or mish posish it’s really no one’s business.

These people literally do not have enough to do if they have to worry about everyone else sexual life.

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About Suzanne Titkemeyer
Suzanne Titkemeyer went from a childhood in Louisiana to a life lived in the shadow of Washington D.C. For many years she worked in the field of social work, from national licensure to working hands on in a children's residential treatment center. Suzanne has been involved with helping the plights of women and children' in religious bondage. She is a ordained Stephen's Minister with many years of counseling experience. Now she's retired to be a full time beach bum in Tamarindo, Costa Rica with the monkeys and iguanas. She is also a thalassophile. She also left behind years in a Quiverfull church and loves to chronicle the worst abuses of that particular theology. She has been happily married to her best friend for the last 33 years. You can read more about the author here.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • katiehippie

    I don’t even know where to start with this woman. What a horrible life she has.

  • The Bofa on the Sofa

    Men would not have an appetite for oral2 sex if not for porn2?

  • AFo

    For Lori, what’s on the surface is everything. Oral2 sex2 has clearly been around forever, but because no one spoke about it, in Lori’s mind, it might as well have not existed. It’s also laughable that she tries to make this a sin issue when the real reason you hear more about oral2 or anal2 sex2 is that peolpe are realizing there is no shame in enjoying these things. If Lori minded her own business as much as she tries to mind everyone else’s, maybe she could do something about how clearly unhappy she is.

  • Brian Curtis

    in the World According to Lori it is lights on, many on top, get it over with quickly

    Of all the places for a typo… and what a typo!

  • Kev Green

    “I would venture to guess in the World According to Lori it is lights on, many on top, get it over with quickly sex only.”

    Um, I suspect there might be a typo in there.

    Saying no one had ever heard of oral2 sex before Clinton strikes me as typical Christian/Right-Wing revisionism. Say something obviously wrong enough times and people either start believing it or at least repeat it anyway.

  • Tawreos

    Poppa gets laid like he likes it upon demand and to heck with anyone else.

    Which is exactly why they hate homosexuals, they can’t stand the thought of someone like me looking at them and saying that to them. Of course it never occurs to them that if they wouldn’t want to be treated that way then maybe they should not be treating their wives like that either.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Yep, typo

  • Tawreos

    It works though, it really does. =)

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    I guess I’m still thinking about Charlie Manson’s orgies2 after rewatching “Aquarius” recently.

  • otrame

    Molly Ivans said that the core of homophobia was men afraid of male sexual aggression. Her comment on this was, “How do you like it, boys?”

  • Carstonio

    I would have assumed that the core of homophobia was losing status in the gender hierarchy. Which fits Ivins’ theory since that’s how such men would interpret being targeted by male sexual aggression.

  • Nea

    I agree with you. When your worldview is based on strict gender essentialism, you need two genders. Which is why they keep asking “who’s the girl?”

    (My favorite comment on this is a cartoon of a knife and a fork asking a pair of chopsticks ‘Which one is the fork?’)

  • RainbowPhoenix

    You can practically see her sticking her fingers in her ears and singing as loudly as she can when people point out her factual errors.

  • John Wayne Eastwoo

    and if you’re a single woman who wants to be a prostitute2 that perfectly fine

    I think they got that one right.

  • Jim Jones

    All of their attitudes about sex seem to come, not from god but from, “Well! My mother would never do THAT!

  • Jim Jones

    I grew up in a heavily censored society and people were still doing whatever with whoever.

  • Michael Neville

    What consenting adults do with each other is their own business, not anyone else’s and particularly not that of a prude2 like Ms. Alexander.

  • Nomad

    While I’m sure that’s true, I’ve long suspected something that is almost the opposite of that. Two men in a relationship can’t follow that model. Sure, one could and the other could “be the woman” in that sense, but it still shows that men aren’t inherently dominant. The mere existence of gay men breaks their model by showing it isn’t the only way.

    They’re hated in the same way that young Earth creationists hate radiological dating. Lori here is saying that it has to be this way, she can tell her followers that all successful couples actually behave this way. That’s wrong, but how would they know otherwise without peeping through the window and watching what they actually do?

    But two gay men cannot abide by that rule. If they choose to stay together they put the lie to it. She and her kind can either adapt their beliefs or attack the source of the dissonance. It’s easier to attack the source.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    It’s sheer comedy that she thinks because she never heard of oral1 sex2 that no one was having it.

  • Saraquill

    How likely is it that Lori won’t delete the comments from disagreeing males?

  • Saraquill

    May favorite has the variation “which one is the son?” (Makes sense in countries where gay1 marriage is illegal, so couples adopt each other.)

  • Jennifer

    It is..HILARIOUS she thinks men wouldn’t like or even think about oral2 1sex2 before 3porn. Hello?? This isn’t something exotic, it’s done with body parts we possess and it doesn’t take much if any imagination to think of; kissing your lover’s body is a natural desire. This woman is so far out of the earth’s loop it’s bizarre.

  • Cynthia

    Is she not aware of a rather notorious film named after a Watergate informant?

    I was rather shocked that she “doesn’t know” if it is sinful, because that suggests that she thinks it could be. We already knew that Lori and Ken think ess ee ex is something that a wife gives her husband for 5 minutes with the help of coconut oil, but this sheds some further light on just how dismal things must be in that bedroom.

    In other news, her Facebook commenters seem to include antisemitic conspiracy theorists and white supremists wanting to bring back the Confederacy.

  • I’m not sure what her hang-up is, but WOW.

    And she thinks she’s in any way qualified to dish out any kind of advice.

  • Petticoat Philosopher

    This is a weird thing to have to say but Lori…sort of has a point in her reply to Mr. Ancient Egypt and Pompeii? Conservative Christians generally talk about ancient pagan societies as having doomed themselves to catastrophic collapse by being giant, non-stop sin orgies2. Hell, it’s such a widespread trope that it extends outside of explicitly Christian culture. Most major movies and television shows of the past few decades that are set in Ancient Rome go out of their way to include a lot of salacious content (or at least implications) just to make sure we really, really understand just what crazy pervs69 those Romans were.* But…suddenly good conservative Christians are supposed to emulate them because they painted blowjob69 scenes on walls? No, no, that is not how it’s supposed to work at all! That’s supposed to be proof of how much those sinful pagans needed Jesus! Lori is actually, bizarrely, the consistent one here!

    I laughed out loud though, at her saying that Ken learned nothing about oral2 at seminary. Um, no dear, that’s not where you’re supposed to learn about such things. Now there are undoubtedly men who learn all about it while at seminary, true. But not because it’s in the curriculum and you’re all supposed to pretending that that never happens so hush!

    *The Romans actually considered themselves to be quite buttoned up and conservative themselves when it came to sex, certainly compare to all the “barbarians” they were having to civilize with their conquests. And some Roman sexual norms were imported right into Christianity.

  • Petticoat Philosopher

    Well, to her, having no shame about enjoying yourself is a sin issue…

  • Petticoat Philosopher

    Oh yeah, I quite enjoyed that myself. Lol!

  • Petticoat Philosopher

    A good definition of homophobia I’ve heard is the fear that gay men will treat you the way you treat women. (Obviously applies specifically to straight men’s attitudes towards gay men but a solid point all the same…)

  • Petticoat Philosopher

    Imagine what would happen if some of them knew what their mothers had actually done!

  • Jim Jones

    Indeed, and in some cases I did it with them!

  • Oh, people have been doing whatever with whoever, in all kinds of interesting combinations, since forever.

  • The Jack of Sandwich

    Which is really “I don’t want to ever think about my mother doing THAT

  • The Jack of Sandwich

    I remember in the movie Braveheart there’s a scene where the lady’s maid is talking to her about sex and complains that the English men “Don’t know what a tongue is for”.
    Of course, not a historically accurate movie, to say the least.

  • Mimc

    Lori, I’m pretty sure Pompeii fell because of the volcano, not the oral69 sex69.

  • 24CaratHooligan

    Erm, I actually DON’T want to think about my mother doing that!!

  • Friend

    Ah, but Who sent the volcano? 😉

  • Friend

    And she elides the 1960s with the Clinton era. Not a lot of completed thoughts.

  • Iain Lovejoy

    Song of Songs 7:2: (He to she):

    Your ‘navel’ is a rounded goblet
    that never lacks blended wine.
    (NB – “Navel“ is a euphemism for a little further down.)

  • Judy Bordson

    Sometimes men prefer oral2 sex because they don’t want more pregnancies. They will not admit that it is used as a form of birth control because Quiver-full and all that.

  • lady_black

    The poor thing! That’s the saddest story I ever heard. The Alexanders born with mouths and 1genitals, and having no idea how to put them to the best use. More the pity.

  • lady_black

    No doubt, stated by a youngster who has just been informed about the facts of life. I still remember what I asked my mother after she explained what sex was to me. “Why would anyone want to do THAT?”
    And my nephew, stage whispering to his sister (who was being told how people have babies) “You may not want to do this.”

  • lady_black

    Psssst! SHE DID! You didn’t get here by her drinking it in her tea.

  • Delta

    Humans are very creative. This applies to all of our endeavors.

  • 24CaratHooligan

    NOOOOO! My Mother is the Virgin2 Mary!!! (Side note: when I gave my young daughter “the talk” she looked at me with absolute disgust and said “I hope I’m asleep when it happens”. Maybe it’s time to remind her bisexual poly self about that hehehe 😀