Could I ask you a question:
What stops you from finding and maintaining balance in the holiday season?
Recently I surveyed a group of people and asked them this question. Maybe you can relate to some of their answers.
They are different ages, from different backgrounds, living in different parts of the world. The only thing they really have in common is that I know them.
Their responses are varied. Some said finding balance during the holiday chaos is not difficult for them; some are not very concerned about balance, others are already in a particularly balanced place right now.
Others described the obstacles that many of us feel at this time of year.
1. Time Pressures
The challenges people talked about the most were the pressures of time. Holiday activities, the urge to complete tasks at the end of the year, and the need to travel long distances create even more stress than usual. Listen to this, does it sound like you?
I am often feeling overworked and overwhelmed and behind schedule. As much as I love my job, I find it difficult to enjoy the holidays because I have to deal with final exams and grades submissions between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I often feel as if I am behind schedule entering into the holidays, so I feel guilty if I am not working constantly.
We all have full, very busy lives; the holidays add more layers to our already busy schedules. In essence, holidays become the opposite of what we need them to be. Another response . . .
I must admit the holidays are tough for me. While most people think of positives, my mind is filled with scenarios of stress.
For many of us, the holidays mirror and magnify the struggles we experience during the entire year.
Somewhere along the way, I’ve lost the sense that I know who I am and where I am going. I’ve been “discerning” my vocation for years–and I feel like I’m more confused now than when I began. At the moment, since I can’t figure out what I should do with my professional life.
Note that even people whose work relates directly to the deeper meaning of the holidays find themselves overwhelmed.
The challenge of this season is that there are more ropes pulling you in more directions. Church is always busy, but now we add in family – mine and my wife’s – and my wife’s employer holiday events and the community opportunities and suddenly we are pulled in many more directions. The busyness is the distraction. I rarely have time to be “in” the season because I am too much “about the business” of the season.
2. Financial Pressures
After the pressures of time and responsibilities, people talked about how commercial and consumer-oriented we make the holidays. Listen to this . . .
I stress over getting Libby too much or not enough. I am pounded by news of other parents burying their kids in avalanches of gifts and their kids bragging about how much they got (“Oh, you got one of those? I got 20.”) Today I think I have it licked but every year, the closer Christmas gets, I feel pressure to rush out and buy more. All this and I know in advance that only 1-2 gifts will have any staying power for her.
People told me, no matter how much we can afford, no matter what our budget is, the relentless call to spend more during the holidays rains down . . .
What I want most is to share the spirit of the holiday and see how I can lift spirits rather than just put items under a tree. I think the main distraction is the material aspect of the Christmas holiday rather than spirit. Looking for a spirit filled holiday, and spirit filled life.
3. Family Pressures
Family pressure also increases during the holiday season. Interestingly, many people I talked to did not experience all of these pressures as burdens.
One reason I never get much done is that I’m spending a lot of time sitting on the kitchen floor making faces with the most wonderful toddler in the world, jumping on the couch, hunting down swings, examining things on the floor, and snuggling. And I wouldn’t trade those things for the world.
People did, though, talk about the pressures of meeting expectations, the need to travel and make an appearance, and the challenges created by an extended network of family relationships.
4. Pressures of the Past
The holidays often awaken the ghosts of the past, which can add stress, too . . .
I go to AA this time of the year. Though I’m not an alcoholic, I’ve got a great group of friends there. I desperately need the support, especially this time of the year.
People talked about how their past experiences shape their view of the holidays. Some people talked about how difficult the holidays were without people they loved who are no longer with us.
For me the challenge of the holidays comes with emotions tied to the past. Certain songs or events can trigger painful memories and in some cases regrets.
The people I talked with were courageous and forthcoming. Many people also expressed concern that they had missed the point of my question, or not really answered it. That was not the case. Their answers informed us AND clarified the struggle most of us face at this time of year.
How We Can Find and Maintain Balance in the Holiday Season
It is easy to forget that things have a beginning and an end; they are designed so we can pause, process, and reflect. Without a practice of reflection you will not process your life and your year, and you will not fully experience the joy of holiday.
It is possible to learn to practice breathing and reflection, even in the stress of the chaotic holiday season.
I would appreciate the opportunity to help you begin 2014 having reflected on 2013 and learned the lessons it has for you.
I have created a course of action that will help you make these holidays your best in a long time. Click here for more details.
What stops you from finding and maintaining balance in the holiday season?
[Image by Evan]
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