When you become a parent, the demands of juggling time with your kids, work, and spending quality time with your partner can be a challenge. In addition, most parents of young children are sleep deprived, so it’s natural for intimacy and romance to decline.
While it’s expected that both sexual and emotional intimacy will die down after kids arrive on the scene, if you make your relationship a priority, it doesn’t have to take a huge dip.
Here are 5 ways to put your marriage first and rev up the passion (even with kids):
- Make it a priority to go on EXCITING and novel dates.
Try something like dancing or kayaking that’s outside of your comfort zone. Make doing activities away from your children a priority even if you have to pay for a babysitter. Or, you might trade off with friends who also have at least one child and are also in need of a break!
- Plan time for just the two of you weekly—no kids.
They won’t suffer if you don’t schedule daily play time. Kids are incredibly resilient and they will become self-reliant if they have down time to play alone, with siblings, or peers. If you have an infant, being away from them for shorter periods can work too!
- Repair from conflicts skillfully.
Conflict goes with the territory in marriage but learn to repair disputes and don’t hold onto anger. Don’t put aside resentments that can destroy a marriage. Learn to air your differences and compromise so you both get some—but not all of the things you desire.
- Tune in to each other’s sexy side.
You can do this by treating yourself to a special night out or a massage. Find ways to tell your partner, “You’re sexy,” while avoiding critique after sex. Take your time to allow tension to build. Our brains experience more pleasure when the anticipation of the reward goes on for some time before we actually receive it. So put on music you both enjoy and light a candle to help set the mood for intimacy!
- Touch each other more.
Most importantly, set up a daily ritual of chatting for about 20 minutes so you can stay emotionally connected. Sexual and emotional intimacy go hand in hand and spending time tuning into to each other daily will help you stay interested in each other sexually. Be sure to touch each other by holding hands or sitting close on a coach while you are talking.
This may sound simplistic, but you can convey love to each other through warmth, affection, and spending time with your partner.
Making your marriage a priority will pay off for you, your partner, and your children. For your marriage or romantic relationship to thrive, it’s important to create daily rituals like spending time together, showing physical affection and learning to resolve or repair conflicts in a healthy way.
Follow Terry on Twitter, Facebook, and movingpastdivorce.com. Terry’s award winning book Daughters of Divorce: Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup and Enjoy A Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship was published in January of 2016 by Sourcebooks.
I’d love to hear from you and answer your questions about relationships, divorce, marriage, and remarriage. Please ask a question here. Thanks! Terry