Victoria, 36, and Thomas, 37, had been attending counseling sessions for over six months and when I asked them what they were doing to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year. They both paused and said they weren’t sure. What followed was a discussion of the lack of intimacy and appreciation in their marriage over the last ten years. Thomas reflects, “It doesn’t seem to matter what I do, Victoria’s never happy. Last year, I took her out to dinner to her... Read more
In recent years, there has been a shift in the landscape of family life in America. The share of US adults currently married has declined modestly from 58% in 1998 to 53% in 2019, according to the Pew Research Center. Also, the share of those living with an unmarried partner has risen from 3 to 7% in the same time period. The same study found that married people are more satisfied with their relationships than those who cohabitate. Why do young... Read more
Whether parents should stay together for the sake of their children depends to a large degree on the level of stress and disruption in family relationships that often go along with an unhappy or conflictual marriage. One show size doesn’t fit all when it comes to divorce. The degree of conflict in your marriage matters a lot and high conflict between parents is detrimental to children. An important question is: would the well-being of my children be enhanced by my... Read more
During a couples counseling session, Becca, 36, and David, 38, discuss their ongoing problem with communication and how they argue about how to discipline their two young children. David reflects: “I love Becca and she’s a great mom but she is too easy going with our kids. She gives in a lot when they want to read an extra book at night, for example, which makes their bedtime too late. She says I don’t understand the value of reading but... Read more
Dear Terry, After fourteen-years of marriage, I’m at the end of my rope. My husband, Ryan is gone a lot and even when he’s home, he’s watching sports. It seems like we have the same arguments over and over again. There’s not much joy or love left in our marriage. Mostly, we argue about our kids, Tyler, 6, and Jessica, age 3. Since Ryan gets home late from his job as a store manager, he mostly wants to play with... Read more
While many couples see remarriage as an opportunity to start fresh start and a new chance at happiness, the statistics reveal a different story with the divorce rate for second marriages being 60-67% compared to about 50% for first marriages. Why is this so? There are many reasons and most of them involve blending people from two separate worlds and adding children to the mix. Add to this financial stress, differences in childrearing and discipline, the stepparent’s role, loyalty issues,... Read more
It’s no surprise that most people abandon New Year’s resolutions fairly soon after making them. In fact, studies show that there are many impediments that prevent people from keeping them such as being unrealistic or making resolutions that are too much of a stretch or vague. If you find yourself recycling a goal from last year, consider crafting a new one or editing an old one. For instance, Shelly, 48, crafted the same goal every year of losing 20 pounds... Read more
Kyla, 35, sat on the couch of my office telling me about her unhealthy relationship with Keith, 38, and how after ten years, she was still living with him and putting up with verbal abuse and disrespect. Kyla put it like this, “I’m not sure why I’m still with him. The put downs have gotten worse and my self-esteem is at an all time low. The other day I was driving the car and took a wrong turn (because it... Read more
According to the American Psychiatric Association, anxiety disorders affect about 30% of adults in the US during their lifetime, making them the most common mental health disorder. Typically, anxiety is defined as a feeling of worry, panic, or fear that can manifest itself in physical symptoms such as trembling, breathlessness, sweating, numbness, or having hot and cold flashes. When someone is experiencing a panic attack, they may also feel like they can’t breathe and that they are going to... Read more
There are many reasons why people strive to be friends with their ex after a breakup or divorce. Certainly one of the main reasons is that they have unfinished business that they hope to resolve. Our they may want to keep the non-intimate part of the relationship going because they have caring feelings toward their former spouse. Finally, some people feel guilty about leaving the relationship. However, the reality is that it’s usually problematic for ex-spouses to maintain a friendship... Read more
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