Jenny, 42, and Sam, 43, sit on the couch in my office and discuss their disputes about their two young children, chores, and finances. Sam says, “it seems like I can never do enough to please Jenny. She wants me to do more chores, make more money, and buy her a bigger house. Meanwhile, she took five years off from teaching to have our kids and our income was cut in half. I am glad she’s been able to raise... Read more
Do you ever wonder if you’ll get out from under the shadow of your parents’ divorce? Do you worry about repeating the patterns of the past? The challenge of creating and maintaining a healthy, long-lasting relationship is where your parents fell short. But you have an opportunity to learn from their mistakes and build the kind of relationship that eluded your parents. There are many reasons why adults raised in divorced homes get stuck in the past and have... Read more
During tough conversations, it’s helpful to choose battles wisely and to distinguish between petty issues and important ones. Many experts agree that bickering can lead to the demise of a relationship. It’s like chronic warfare that erodes the quality of a relationship and makes it tough to discuss difficult topics. When dealing with differences with your partner, the key is to listen attentively, understand each other’s perspective, reign in defensiveness, and stop criticizing and blaming each other. For instance,... Read more
In a culture where girls are barraged with inappropriate images of what it means to be a female, it’s no wonder that bringing up girls with a healthy dose of self-esteem can be a daunting task. This is especially true after they experience parental divorce. Studies show that girls tend to define themselves through relationships and are socialized to be nurturers and caretakers from an early age. Fostering your daughter’s self-esteem and healing after their parents’ divorce is a top... Read more
Mistrust can come in many forms, from suspecting partners of infidelity, to fearing that they will abandon you emotionally or physically. Some people become “relationship junkies” looking for partners to be the salve for their wounds. Others freeze out the option of finding love, for fear of being hurt. Here are 5 smart ways to repair broken trust: Examine your mistrustful thoughts. Ask yourself: is my lack of trust due to my partner’s actions or my own issues, or both?... Read more
As a therapist, many parents complain to me that there is too much conflict and they are going in different directions. As a result, communication between members can be ineffective. This is especially true when parents are trying to raise children and teenagers who participate in afterschool activities. For instance, Alana, 46, a single mom with three children, ages ten to fifteen, wants her kids to get along better, stop bickering and arguing, and to be more respectful to... Read more
Despite the fact that financial issues and money problems are the number one subject couples argue about and a leading cause of divorce, there are few studies that address the issue of financial secrecy or financial infidelity. The reason why many people keep secrets about money is fear of being abandoned, shame, and fear of being vulnerable due to past betrayal by a parent or partner. According to researchers, romantic partners aren’t always honest about money in their relationships, but... Read more
Brian, 58, and Alyssa, 52, a couple who I counseled recently, came to my office looking to deepen their connection. They were remarried two years ago and they live in a blended family. They were both unhappy and experiencing increased stress following Allysa being laid off from work several months ago and Brian feeling burdened by working long hours and dealing with financial pressure. Alyssa put it like this, “The last three months were very challenging because less than two... Read more
The key to successful single parenting is to reflect daily upon the importance of preparing for your new life and accepting that change is necessary. It’s important to adopt a positive mindset and to set a good example for your children by using effective coping strategies. It will take time for you and your children to adjust to your new lifestyle but maintaining an optimistic outlook will help ease the transition. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and acknowledge when... Read more
Are you at risk for being in an unhealthy romantic relationship? While some men engage in one-sided or unhappy relationships, this experience is more common for women. If you are wondering if you are wasting time with the wrong person, you probably are and need to listen to your instincts. Many women in unhealthy relationships find themselves attracted to a partner who are their opposites or who they aren’t compatible with. Compatibility is about sharing common values and goals, having... Read more
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