There are many issues that lead to the end of a marriage. When partners have hurt feelings, it can be a challenge to forgive, let go, and move on. However, problems in a marriage such ongoing high conflict or lack of sexual intimacy seldom develop overnight or go away on their own. Resentment is one of the main problems that prevents couples from having a loving, sustainable relationship. It can be tricky because it often masquerades as other emotions — such as boredom and... Read more
Typically, I explain to couples in my therapy practice who are caught in a pattern of ongoing disputes, that conflict is an inevitable part of an intimate relationship. I also tell them and that one of the main ingredients of a healthy, long-lasting partnership is making a commitment to repair hurt feelings and bounce back from arguments quickly. In over 40 years of research in his classic “Love Lab” studies, Dr. John Gottman discovered that the number one solution to... Read more
There are many theories about how we can improve our marriage and ignite passion. One of the most popular was developed by psychologist Gary Chapman, the author of The Five Languages of Love. According to author Gary Chapman, couples will communicate more effectively if they gain insight into their primary way of desiring expressions of love. They can also request that their partner to demonstrate love in this fashion. He explains that deep inside every hurting couple exists an invisible “emotional... Read more
The way you feel about yourself today is directly related to how you felt about yourself as a child. If you have a limited ability to see yourself as loveable and valued, you must build a positive sense of self on your own. Although your childhood experiences may have helped create the woman you have become, it is up to you to carve out a new story for your life. Take the time to examine how your relationships have played... Read more
Recently, I had a conversation with a client about whether or not soulmates are real. Our discussion was lively and we touched on some interesting topics such as “Is the idea of a soulmate healthy?” and “Do we have just one soulmate in a lifetime?” While my client and I agreed that there are some definite problems with harboring the idea of a soulmate (and limiting yourself to just one), there appear to be mixed messages in the media on... Read more
Forgiving is one way of letting go of your old baggage so that you can heal and move on with your life. It’s about giving yourself, your children, and perhaps even your partner or ex-partner, the kind of future you and they deserve – unhampered by hurt and recycled anger. It’s about choosing to live a life wherein others don’t have power over you and you’re not dominated by unresolved anger, bitterness, and resentment. But often forgiving your ex-spouse or... Read more
Couples who have daily rituals of connection and physical contact have a stronger bond. Make your relationship a priority now and you will reap the benefits of a long-lasting union that will increase your mental, physical, and psychological well-being. That doesn’t mean you have to ignore your children or work. However, daily rituals of connection can give your relationship a boost and it will pay off big time! Here are five rituals to help your relationship flourish: Turn off... Read more
During a recent presentation at National Association for Relationship and Marriage Education Summit, Dr. Scott Stanley presented the latest statistical research on marriage, shedding light on the changing dynamics of divorce in younger generations. While we all know the hard to forget fact that 50% of all marriages end in divorce — and while those numbers justifiably cause concern among couples — it is also true that young couples are increasingly bucking that trend. Indeed, half of all marriages between... Read more
If you think that your new romance or second marriage will be nothing like your former one, think again. A new research study from the University of Alberta showed that over time, couples in new relationships had the same dynamics as past broken ones, after the glow of the honeymoon phase had faded. This eight-year study of 554 people in Germany showed that some relationship dynamics change when we find new partners, but couples are likely to recreate many of... Read more
Many couples are stuck in an unfortunate vicious cycle where one partner become more distant as their partner steps up the intensity of his or her pursuits. Unfortunately, if this pattern isn’t reversed it can damage a relationship beyond repair and lead to breakup or divorce. Kyla, 34, put it like this: “The more I ask Conner to hug me and be more affectionate, the more he pulls away and goes into his shell. I love him and we’ve talked... Read more
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