Too many of us settle for less than we deserve because we are afraid of being alone. If this is your tendency, gently remind yourself that you are a worthwhile person regardless of whether or not you are in a romantic relationship. In my Huffington Post blog “7 Reasons Why It May Be a Good Idea To Stay Single” I write: “Very few people know how to be alone and do it well. They aren’t happy to be alone. They fear it... Read more
If you are questioning whether you are enmeshed in an emotional affair, it’s important to define what they are. First and foremost, an emotional affair is characterized by an intimate connection with someone who isn’t your partner but the person takes on many of the functions of a partner. For instance, you spend a lot of time with him or her, you confide in them, and you look to them for solace and support. It’s key to acknowledge that in... Read more
Dear Terry, How can my husband and I break the negative ways we relate to each other? There’s a lot of advice out there about being more positive with each other but not much about stopping negative interactions. We are at our wit’s end and considering divorce after 15 years of marriage. But we want to stop bickering and have a happier marriage so we can raise our two daughters in a peaceful home. Please help me if you can!... Read more
Establishing and maintaining trust with your partner can be a huge challenge if you’re prone towards jealous feelings. There are many reasons why you might experience jealousy including past betrayals, insecurity, and fear of losing love. The first step in overcoming jealousy is self-awareness. These feelings won’t magically disappear and they can spell disaster for your intimate relationship. Jealousy is the polar opposite of trusting someone. Taking ownership of your jealous feelings will allow you to face them head on... Read more
Different from a biological parent, a major thrust of being a stepparent is to be a friend to your stepchildren on some level. Not like a school friend, but an adult friend more akin to being a guidance counselor or mentor who is also a parental figure. Most of the stepparents who contact me for support tell me they had no idea what they were getting into. One stepdad, Steve, put it this way, “I was never a father... Read more
Since divorce runs in my family, I’ve always searched for ways to break the cycle. Many researchers such a Paul Amato have documented that there are generational aspects to divorce and that if you are a child of divorce it doubles your risk of repeating this pattern. However, adult children of divorce (ACOD’S) are not doomed to repeat the past and can take measures to reduce their risk such as selecting a partner to marry who compliments them and getting... Read more
There is recent evidence that happy, lasting relationships rely on a lot more than a marriage certificate and that the secret ingredient is friendship. Look for qualities you admire in your partner and remind yourself of these admirable qualities regularly. When it comes to matters of the heart, where admiration and respect are found, love will be sustained. But where these things are absent, love will die. Finding a partner who likes and respects you as much as you do... Read more
There are a lot of feelings and emotions that come with divorce – anger, betrayal, despair, guilt, rejection, uselessness, fear, elation – and they all go with the territory. You may feel confused as you establish your new identity and move on to develop new relationships. It’s normal to desire new intimate partners and to experiment with dating – but be prepared to feel mistrustful and insecure at times. The experience of going through a divorce can change your perceptions;... Read more
When you become a parent, the demands of juggling time with your kids, work, and spending quality time with your partner can be a challenge. In addition, most parents of young children are sleep deprived, so it’s natural for intimacy and romance to decline. While it’s expected that both sexual and emotional intimacy will die down after kids arrive on the scene, if you make your relationship a priority, it doesn’t have to take a huge dip. Here are 5 ways to... Read more
Mistrust can come in many forms, from suspecting your partner of infidelity, to fearing that he or she will abandon you emotionally or physically. Some people who have trust issues become “relationship junkies” looking for partners to be the salve for their wounds. Others freeze out the option of finding love, for fear of being hurt. Even if you find yourself in a reasonably healthy relationship, you may still be unable to trust your partner. Sometimes, he or is simply... Read more
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