6 Ways to Stop Being Defensive with Your Partner

Last updated on: September 15, 2024 at 8:23 pm By Terry Gaspard

During tough conversations, it’s helpful to choose battles wisely and to distinguish between petty issues and important ones. Many experts agree that bickering can lead to the demise of a relationship. It’s like chronic warfare that erodes the quality of a relationship and makes it tough to discuss difficult topics. When dealing with differences with your partner, the key is to listen attentively, understand each other’s perspective, reign in defensiveness, and stop criticizing and blaming each other. For instance, Jackson... Read more

4 Ways to Heal From Your Breakup or Divorce

Last updated on: September 2, 2024 at 8:01 am By Terry Gaspard

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While it’s normal to go through a period of self-reflection when your relationship ends, it’s important that you keep things in perspective. Losing a partner, even if you made a decision to end the relationship, can disrupt your life on so many levels because your ex was undoubtedly a part of your daily existence. As a result, breakups can weaken your ability to sleep, eat well, and function at work and in social spheres. To complicate matters, studies have discovered... Read more

6 Ways to Promote a Happy Relationship

Last updated on: August 25, 2024 at 8:35 pm By Terry Gaspard

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Karen, 42, and Kevin, 41, have been married for ten years and have fallen into the habit of bickering about small things and arguing often. On a daily basis, they no longer show appreciation for each other. As a result, their interactions have become more negative than positive and they both reported to me in a couples counseling session, that they would like to experience more happiness in their marriage. Perhaps the first step in overcoming this tendency to be... Read more

10 Things I Owe My Kids After Divorce

Last updated on: August 25, 2024 at 8:33 pm By Terry Gaspard

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It may seem odd that I feel compelled to write about what I owe my kids because they’ve endured my divorce. Yet as an adult child of divorced parents and a mom who has been divorced, it’s my belief that children of divorce are entitled to certain rights. That’s not to say that children raised in intact families don’t have rights – it’s just that children of divorce deserve special consideration. Distinguished divorce researcher Elizabeth Marquardt adds her perspective on... Read more

Infidelity: Does It Have to End My Marriage?

Last updated on: August 11, 2024 at 6:24 pm By Terry Gaspard

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During a couples counseling session, Rebecca, 26, sat on the couch across from Brian, 27, her husband of two years, and spoke about finding out he was unfaithful to her last month. She put it like this: “I didn’t really see it coming even though we hadn’t had sex in over a year. I thought we were just going through a dry patch. But then I found a receipt from a weekend at a resort on Cape Cod and it... Read more

Should Couples Stay Together for the Sake of Their Kids?

Last updated on: August 4, 2024 at 9:25 pm By Terry Gaspard

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By far, this is one of the most commonly asked questions my clients ask me. The reason why this question is so difficult to answer is because every family is different and one size doesn’t fit all when it comes to divorce. Also, the degree of conflict in a marriage plays a large role in children’s divorce adjustment. Whether parents should stay together for the sake of their children depends to a large degree on the level of stress and... Read more

6 Warning Signs That Your Marriage is in Serious Trouble

Last updated on: July 28, 2024 at 6:11 pm By Terry Gaspard

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A healthy, intimate relationship is built on trust and vulnerability which involves sharing your innermost feelings, thoughts, and wishes. It’s important to remember that all couples have perpetual problems. In a healthy relationship, you can develop tools to deal with them, but not necessarily solve all of them. However, sweeping issues under the rug only works for so long. Because when couples have deep-seated resentment, it’s one of the signs your relationship is over and can be a challenge to forgive and... Read more

Mothers And Daughters: Healing Together After Divorce

Last updated on: July 22, 2024 at 7:42 am By Terry Gaspard

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In a culture where girls are barraged with inappropriate images of what it means to be a female, it’s no wonder that bringing up girls with a healthy dose of self-esteem can be a daunting task. This is especially true after they experience parental divorce. Studies show that girls tend to define themselves through relationships and are socialized to be nurturers and caretakers from an early age. Fostering your daughter’s self-esteem and healing after their parents’ divorce is a top... Read more

7 Tips to Help Your Teenager Cope with Divorce

Last updated on: July 22, 2024 at 7:41 am By Terry Gaspard

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The teenage years can be challenging for both a teenager and his or her parents after a divorce. Helping your teenager to make a smooth transition to becoming a more independent person can be complex in a divorced family. Some of the challenges that teens face in divorced families include: going back and forth between two homes, different rules in each house, loyalty conflicts with their parents, moving, dealing with parents dating just as they’re exploring intimate relationships; and possibly... Read more

7 Steps for Couples to Repair After An Argument

Last updated on: July 12, 2024 at 7:06 am By Terry Gaspard

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I’ve often stated that one of the most important elements of a successful marriage is being able to repair your relationship after an argument. By the way, this doesn’t mean that all of your disputes will be solved. It simply means that you can find ways to restore intimacy, forgive each other, and move forward without bitterness or a grudge. Dr. Gottman advises us that couples can live with unsolvable differences about ongoing issues in their relationship as long as... Read more