As a marriage counselor, my bias is obviously in favor of couples seeking counseling to improve or save their marriage. The truth is that there are many factors that can impact the potential success or failure of marriage counseling for any given couple. Understanding these influences is important in determining whether or not seeking therapy for problems in your marriage is the best decision for you. Findings from a study in the “Journal of Marital and Family Therapy,” report that... Read more
Dear Terry, I have been married for thirteen years and Derrick and I have three children, ages six through fifteen. We’re both in our early forties and got married on the rebound twelve years ago. This is my second marriage I have a fifteen year-old from my first marriage who lives with us and two younger kids. My first marriage ended badly due to infidelity and my ex cleaned out our bank account. The first few years of my second... Read more
By far, this is one of the most commonly asked questions about divorce. It’s a complex and controversial topic and there are no right or wrong answers. The reason why this question is so difficult to answer is because every family is different and the degree of conflict in a marriage and post-divorce relationships play a large role in children’s adjustment. For the most part, divorcing parents haven’t been getting along for some time prior to separating and their adversarial... Read more
Dear Terry, My marriage has been a challenge from the beginning. My husband Ben and I are both in our late forties and come from dysfunctional families. His parents’ divorced when he was eight and his dad left and never looked back. While my parents’ stayed together, our house was like a war zone and I never knew what to expect. My siblings and I are close but I don’t see my parents much. I want my marriage to Ben... Read more
Julie feels some resentment and anger towards her husband, Evan, since she discovered he purchased a new motorcycle and kept it a secret. Over the past month, Julie has shut down emotionally and she’s been giving Evan the silent treatment. However, she loves Evan and wants to accept his apology because she believes he is remorseful about his actions. When Evan was able to confess his wrong doing and ask Julie to forgive him, it had a positive effect on... Read more
Dear Terry, I was divorced about four years ago and have recently begun dating a kind gentleman who has two children. My two kids, Kevin and Elisabeth, are twelve and fifteen. Kevin seems to be making a better adjustment to my divorce than Elizabeth and he spends most weekends at his dad’s house. Elizabeth doesn’t usually want to go to her dads and she doesn’t particularly like her stepmom who is new in her life. She was close to her... Read more
Mother’s day is a great time to reflect on how my relationships with my two daughters has changed me. When I was young, I made lists of the things that I would teach my daughter – if I was lucky enough to have one. However, it struck me recently how much my daughters have taught me about love, letting go, imperfection, and resiliency. Being a mom has always felt like an honor, a gift – something to be grateful for.... Read more
Dear Terry, I’ve been married to John for ten years and I’m worried because we’ve lost the passion and loving feelings we used to have. There’s something missing from our marriage and I don’t know how to get it back. Here’s the problem – we’re more like roommates than lovers. We’re hardly ever alone and when we are, we mostly talk about our kids, Jessica and Thomas, who are three and six, and we rarely discuss our relationship or have... Read more
As a new columnist for Patheos.com, I’m excited to share my perspective about improving relationships, marriage, and remarriage. Many individuals and couples contact me feeling pretty desperate, they wonder: what can I do to save my relationship, marriage, or remarriage? The good news is that if you’re willing to put effort into changing your outlook and take responsibility for your part in breaking the cycle of unhappiness, there are things you can do to get a fresh start. 8 Things... Read more
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