We spend most of our lives avoiding pain. Anything we can do to sidestep suffering, we will do. The path of least resistance. The path of ease and comfort. Even if it leads to apathy, we want to avoid struggle at all costs. Conflict is the most awkward kind of suffering. The suffering of relationship. Conflict is the word we use when struggle is no longer solely internal. Conflict is a group activity. And since it is a kind of... Read more
Confidence is an elusive character trait. We either lack it altogether or we play at it with a sort of narcissism that is, in some ways, sadder than admitting our timidity. True confidence is not about arrogance. It is not about feeling right and sure all the time, as we too often imagine. We gain confidence by learning how to accept reality and be a consistent person. Even so, this is easier said than done. 1) Source of Acceptance Our lack of... Read more
Our pasts are as complicated as our present. Maybe even more. What we have been through forms and shapes who we are. The relationships around us inform our perspective and our values. The shape of the past is like a mold. It shows us boundaries, consequences for crossing those boundaries, and the parameters for truth. What we have been through communicates to us how the world works. For better or worse, it establishes patterns in our lives. It sets up a specific worldview.... Read more
There are two kinds of things we are talking about when we use the word “romance”. And since definitions matter, we need to differentiate between what we mean here. Most often, we are talking about the warm, fuzzy feeling of newness. You’ll see a lot of blogs about how to keep the romance alive. It fades because it isn’t new forever. And we’ll talk about that more. The other kind of romance is a truer definition. It is one based on... Read more
There are few things humans do quite as well as distraction. We set out to do something. But a new thought comes into our head. A friend stops by our office. We start to second-guess ourselves. The knot in the pit of our stomach tells us we’re going to fail and make a fool of ourselves. We see something easier. A bell or whistle or YouTube video covers some base desire that masks a base need. Distraction is not all... Read more
There are only two options when a tragedy strikes; it can strengthen relationships or destroy them. So many couples break up in the aftermath of a tragedy. The deep pain of sorrow makes day-to-day life challenging. It is like an earthquake that shakes the foundations we are standing on. It feels unstable and unreliable. We scramble to figure out our footing. We will do just about anything to get ourselves back on track. In a relationship, it is important to... Read more
There is nothing quite like traveling together. For most couples, it gives a focused time to be with one another that can be challenging during day-to-day living. But many people leave their vacations more exhausted than when they left. Many spend their time away at each other’s throats. Kylie and I travel all the time. Probably too much. We travel for work and for fun. And we have discovered that traveling together has its unique pitfalls and opportunities. Here are... Read more
There are all kinds of things that slow our progress, halt our growth, and interrupt our development both in relationships and as individuals. Fear. Laziness. Obstacles without and within. Just to name a few. One such hindrance is this aching suspicion that we are wasting our time. That we are chasing after the wrong thing and our vision is either a) impossible and silly, b) won’t really satisfy and will lead to disappointment or C) completely incorrect and will end in... Read more
We were very lucky early in our marriage to be introduced to the value of goal setting. As simple (and to some, maybe cheesy) as it sounds, goal setting is essential in a relationship. Something within us knows this. Which is why #relationshipgoals is a trending aspect of our modern culture. We usually use this to reference some sweet or adventurous moment we see in others we want to replicate. But it points to the desire within each of us to... Read more
There are few things we want more than vulnerability. We want to be consistent and true to who we are. Our world is a mash up of factors that keep us from the truth. We believe lies, chase mirages, and confuse acceptance and approval. Vulnerability is the key to community. It is a key to many internal ills as well. But it comes at a price. There are reasons vulnerability is so illusive in our world. There are reasons we talk a lot... Read more
Victorious Living
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