Crappy Yule Gifts For Pagans You Hate !

Crappy Yule Gifts For Pagans You Hate ! December 13, 2015

Crappy Yule gifts photo by Lilith Dorsey. All rights reserved.
Crappy Yule gifts photo by Lilith Dorsey. All rights reserved.

Happy Holidaze Everybody! I’m so glad to see people are still getting use out of my 10 Easy DIY Gifts For Yule posting, it has received over 2,793 hits already this month alone, and counting, as I write this. There I share lots of simple gifts you can make for your loved ones this Holiday time. However, if you are like me, there is always someone you don’t like very much on your holiday gift list. Maybe it’s an in-law, a random secret Santa person, or your boss, but the holidays have become about giving gifts sometimes, even if we don’t want to do it. Someday I’ll have enough extra cash to buy truly lousy gifts for those who deserve them, but until then I will work on the wish list below.


  • SataNic Cage T-shirt– Nicholas Cage has long been known to have an interest in the Pagan world. His wedding to Lisa Marie Presley was officiated by
    Satan Nic Cage T-shirt listing photo. Photo by Lilith Dorsey.
    Satan Nic Cage T-shirt listing photo. Photo by Lilith Dorsey.

    my Priestess Miriam of the Voodoo Spiritual Temple. I’m not sure if it was his interest in Paganism or his films that inspired this garment. The shirt features the actor with an upside-down cross over his face. The product listing describes the image as “very soothing.” I want to meet these people. You can order yours here.

  • Crochet Dead Cats– The entertaining website RegrEtsy is no longer in operation, but if it was these crochet dead cats may have caught their eye. I’m not really sure why someone would make these, but they seem like the perfect gift for someone you don’t like. In case you were wondering they come in both a one eye and a no eyes option, just hilarious.
  • Zombie Witch middle finger patch – Just when you thought you had see everything, take a look at this double zombie middle fingers patch. It is the artful handiwork of Sarah Rafter. They are the perfect gift for when you want to say F.U. to someone this holiday season, twice.
  • Ding Dong the Witch is Dead gifts– There are a lot of Wicked Witch gifts out there. When I published my 10 Terrible Gifts for Pagans, I listed quite a few. You can still get anything from a Don’t Make me drop a house on you travel mug to t-shirts with a Ding Dong the Witch is dead theme. Some witches embrace the irony of this iconic figure from the Wizard of Oz, but unless you’re sure, or you want to send a not so subtle message I wouldn’t put these under the tree.
  • Glitter– Again depending on the recipient this could be a blessing, or a curse. Many pagans use small amounts of glitter in their candle magick or spellwork, but that’s not really what they have in mind at The site went viral when it first launched, and now in addition to glitter bombs they also have rooster shaped lollipops. These are called cocksuckers, for a not so hidden message about how you really feel.
  • Dead Fish and Dead Wilted Flowers – By definition most Pagans follow an earth based belief system, with
    Sharp Teeth photo by Michael Gil. Licensed under CC 2.0
    Sharp Teeth photo by Michael Gil. Licensed under CC 2.0

    reverence for nature. Imagine the look on their face when they open your gift of a Dead fish and dead and wilting roses from They also carry fake lottery tickets and fake parking tickets if you are interested.

  • Zombie Voodoo Doll– Regular readers of this blog know that Voodoo dolls are for the most part not really used by serious practitioners of New Orleans Voodoo or Haitian Vodou. Sometimes dolls are used to heal, as a stand in for the sick person. They can also be used to represent ancestors, or people who have passed away. They aren’t used for hexing, like in the movies, except as a modern convention. Yet, people keep buying me Voodoo dolls. I guess it’s better than the rubber chickens people used to give me to sacrifice. The Voodoo friend you see in the above photo is sold as a “heart robber.” Sigh.
  • Go Away Evil Floorwash– Traditionally this is used to wash down a floor and/or a person to keep evil away from them. Sending it to people you dislike however, will either help make them stay out of your life, or just be less objectionable. On second thought maybe this one isn’t so crappy.

In any case get your naughty and nice lists ready folks. Is there that special someone who stole your money, or your coven, gave you a headache, or a heartache, or an STD … maybe it’s time to remember payback’s a… witch. Use this list to get started. Please if you enjoyed this post remember to share before somebody drops a house on you!

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