What Happens When Your Duties Conflict?

A little while back I was reading an article in defense of Lord Rama. Why in defense? Because there are those who feel uncomfortable worshiping him because of what he did to his wife.

(For those unfamiliar with the story, Rama’s wife Sita is kidnapped and the story of the Ramayana is his quest to get her back. When he finally does, there is no way to fully prove that she has remained “unsullied” by her captor. Even though she walks through fire to prove her “purity”, the people will not accept her as Queen and Rama is forced to excile her)

…She said that she sees me as a liberal who respects the women in his family; then how can I respect Lord Ram, who treated his wife unfairly? She then went on to make some very harsh comments about Lord Ram.

Sadly, it has become almost fashionable in liberal circles to criticise Lord Ram. In Hinduism, we are encouraged to question: Lord Krishna very clearly states this in the Bhagavad Gita. We are advised to form our own opinions on all philosophies and even on God. But before we make up our minds, we are also encouraged to think deeply and examine all aspects of the subject. – http://www.hindustantimes.com/news-feed/amish/devotion-to-rules-is-a-path-to-unhappiness/article1-1198478.aspx

The author, Amish, goes on to say that the translation of Lord Rama’s title as “ideal man” is actually more accurately translated as “ideal follower of rules.”

That is a very interesting and important distinction.

So what do we learn from the life of this ‘ideal-follower-of-rules’?

We learn that such archetypal leaders benefit society as a whole. They create conditions where their people prosper and lead happy, contented lives. It is no surprise therefore that his reign, the reign of the ‘ideal follower of rules’, was regarded as the gold standard of benevolent administration. It was known as Ram Rajya. Sadly, while such archetypal leaders impact society positively as a whole, they tend to struggle with their impact upon their own family. Normally, the ‘ideal follower of rules’ himself, has a rather sad life. – http://www.hindustantimes.com/news-feed/amish/devotion-to-rules-is-a-path-to-unhappiness/article1-1198478.aspx

Amish points out a parallel with Mahatma Gandhi, who worked so hard for Indian independence but whose own family was falling apart and whose children grew up to resent him.

We know that it is our duty to care for our families, for our spouses and our parents and our children. But it seems that sometimes the society as a whole needs a protector and defender and that person is called to focus his or her attentions on something bigger than the family.

Amish makes the point that leaders such as this are important to society as a whole. But is it right for them to sacrifice their family’s happiness and protection for this bigger cause?

I think it must be, since such leaders are necessary. I wonder how one knows if one is called to do such a thing.

I personally start with love and charity at home, expressing my devotion to God through my husband first and expanding from there. I do my best to see the whole world as my family and to serve and protect them all, but my husband is always first in line. I don’t know if that is proper or not.

It reminds me of an old story I heard as a child, that there was a wise man in a village who understood that everyone was under his protection. He worked hard, but then took his earnings and made them available to the whole village, encouraging people to come and take what they needed. His wife complained that there was not enough for his own family and he told her that she should get in line like the others. His wife did not come first, did not come above the needs of anyone else. Was that right?

I don’t know and I’d love to hear your thoughts on the subject!