How Do You Curb Desire?

Being away from my usual distractions I was able to see more clearly how desire keeps us chained. I saw a sign at a temple that said “As long as there is desire, you cannot escape the cycle of birth and death.” But how can you break that chain?

Desire is SO powerful and our lives train us to increase desire. I feel like every time I’m looking at a group of things the expectation is I’m supposed to be picking which one I most want. In every down moment it’s like I’m supposed to be thinking about what I want next.

One desire follows the next in an exhausting tableaux. One is hardly satisfied before there is another.

I lived a few days at the Ramanasram in a little room like a monastic cell with just what was in my carry-on suitcase. It was peaceful and lovely and a relief. I couldn’t live that simply all the time but it felt good to do it for a few days. Not that I was free from desire even during that time. There was still the “what do I desire from this experience?” “What do I desire to bring back with me emotionally?” and the usual “What do I desire to eat?” “Do I desire to go out to the town and buy some gift or token or thing?”

Then there was going to darshans with my guru and admiring other ladies’ clothes. I find myself thinking that I should add a half-saree to my wardrobe. Maybe in yellow.

The first time I noticed it was when we were supposed to get a commemorative coin for the Shishya Sweekara. This was a thing that I didn’t know about five minutes before but now I wanted it. It seemed like a really cool souvenir to have. I get trying to figure out how we were supposed to get it but we never were able to. And then I was frustrated with myself that I was disappointed. I was there to focus on my inner journey not to come away with some token thing. Why was I feeling disappointed?

I spent more money than I should have during my time in India. I spent money that my dad generously gave me. I got the Saraswati murti that I wanted and I got some gifts and I got some great books and CDs for worship. But it was still stuff. It was still standing in a store and thinking about which I want.

And I’m so sick of it!

Back home I’m right back to which book do I want to get and which video game do I want to save up for and what groceries do I want and what on the menu at the restaurant do I want and what piece of clothing do I want to buy and what new thing do I want to acquire.

In some ways I think there is a comfort in that familiar gentle longing of what the next thing is on my wishlist that I’m working towards being able to purchase. My mind does not want to let go of that behavior!

But my mind is so distracted by that and in the meantime always wanting something else doesn’t lead to being happy. Plus it keeps my mind from engaging with what’s most important in life. It can keep me from digging into the self-examination that enlightenment involves.

And always wanting something will keep me stuck in this cycle, not allowing me to move on to the next stage for my soul.

I must find a way to silence desire for at least short periods at a time.