Being Dragged Back to Earth

Coming back home from India has been a brutal transition. I definitely did not want to leave!

Even as I felt the amazing peace of guru darshan, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to hold onto it. My only hope was that it would fade slowly. 

That was not the case. As soon as we got to the airport and were facing cancelled flights due to massive snow in Boston, all my calm evaporated. I made it through that challenge just fine, but it was with my usual spirit and not with the holy spirit of the guru that had been uplifting my mind and behavior.

It was gone and I can’t remember what it felt like. I only remember that I told myself in that moment that it was the best feeling in the world and I had to make it part of my life more often.

Here at home I am happy to be reunited with my dear husband. I am happy to see my friends and indulge in my hobbies. But I miss India already. I miss the spiritual energy in Sringeri that I can’t seem to manifest at home.

The depression that had evaporated in India came right back like it had been patiently waiting for me to return. 

I felt like Sringeri changed me and yet I can’t see any evidence of it now. My habits, my thoughts, my behavior are much like they were before I left: clouded by misunderstanding and inability to see the world as it really is. 

Yet I do find myself more confident in my convictions and so that is perhaps a change that my time in Sringeri brought. I also have come to understand how very important meditation and inner spiritual work is. I have a tendency to think that I’m doing just fine. I’m more spiritual than some and less spiritual than others but I’m doing okay. Now I realize that my spirituality needs a serious commitment. Too often I am lazy with it and I waste some of life’s amazing opportunities. 

It has been hard to come back.

I wish there were a way to bring India and home closer together. I wish it didn’t take thousands of dollars and days worth of hours to get to Sringeri. 

Moving to India is extraordinarily tempting. It’s something that we might consider in the future, maybe for retirement. I don’t know. What keeps me in America is my family and my friends. I don’t want to be so far away from them. I want my best friend’s daughter to grow up with me in her life. And we’ve bought a house here. We are settled here. 

For now I will strive to get back to India as often as possible and we’ll keep our eyes open for what life has in store for us in the future!