It’s scary to admit doubt.
I don’t want anyone to think me less of a Hindu because deep in my heart I have fear. I wonder if it’s all true. I wonder if I’m wrong and death will be nothing but an ending or an emptiness.
Some people seem so very certain of their Gods and their beliefs. I wish I could be that way. I wish I could rest in the certainty that death is only a new beginning. But I’m afraid.
It’s frustrating that there are no solid answers in this life. We have no proof of any purpose here or any continuing after. Just rumors, myths, and wishful hoping.
I know for myself that I can’t live without the hope. And so I continue to practice putting my faith in the Gods, believing that this life has meaning, believing that the soul exists and that it is not tied to the body.
Of all the religions and belief systems in the world, Hinduism has always been the one that made the most sense to me. It best fits what I see of the way the world works. The philosophies and practices bring me peace. But that doesn’t mean I am without doubt.
I wish so much that I could know for sure. Without that knowing the fear of death gnaws on me constantly. I cling to the words of the sages and the words of Lord Krishna that there is no death and there is nothing to fear. But it is so hard to fully internalize that and have trust.