Why Do Christians Leave the Faith? Breaking-up with a God Who Failed Them

November 22, 2011 By 40 Comments

Part 2 in a series on deconversion.

In a study of religious deconversion, we analyzed 50 on-line testimonies posted by former Christians, and in these testimonies we found four general explanations for deconversion. The first explanation, which I wrote about last week, regarded intellectual and theological concerns about the Christian faith. The second, which I elaborate here, regards a failed relationship with God. Almost half (22 of 50) of the writers expressed sentiments that in some way God had failed them by His not doing what they thought He should.

God’s perceived failure took various forms, most of which fall under the general heading of “unanswered prayers.”

One way that people felt that God had failed them happened when He did not respond to requests for help during difficult times. A young man raised in a Baptist church epitomized this feeling of failure when he wrote about God not answering his prayers about family difficulties. He wrote: “The first time I questioned the faith was when my grandmother shriveled up in front of me for 6 month’s due to cancer. I was 13 & my mother & father [were] getting a divorce. My father told me I should have been aborted. I prayed to God but nothing fails like prayers.”

Likewise, a woman raised in a Methodist household described her step-father as “cruel and abusive” to her, and she could not understand why “if God loves me, why won’t he protect me instead of letting this happen to me?”

In a variation of this theme, some deconverts lamented God’s inactivity amidst spiritual
difficulties. A man in his forties, a former elder at a charismatic church, wrote: “In my own life, no matter how much I submitted to ‘God’ and prayed in faith, ‘sin’ never seemed to leave me. Well, what’s the point of being ‘saved’ if you aren’t delivered from ‘sin’?”

A former Southern Baptist described the various good things that God failed to give him: “God promises me a lot in the bible and he’s not come through. Ask and it shall be given. Follow me and I will bless you. I promise you life and promise abundance. Man should not be alone. I have a plan for you. Give tithe and I will reward you. All broken promises. This god lacks clarification. This god lacks faith in me. He wants my faith. I want his too.”

Other writers took a different approach to God’s failures. They too sought God’s help,
but when they did not receive it, they simply concluded that God did not exist. A former member of an Assemblies of God church explicitly linked unanswered prayers and the existence of God: “How many humble and totally selfless prayers offered up to and ignored by the imaginary skydaddy does it take for the average person to finally throw in the towel and say [God doesn’t exist]!!!!” His answer: “Too damn many.”

Still others sought a tangible sign of God’s presence. A former Pentecostal exclaimed: “There were many nights while in bed I would ask God to show me the truth, or give me some type of sign to show that he or she existed. These prayers would never be answered. So I would just go on with my life having doubts.” Likewise, a former Baptist missionary wrote: “I’ve begged God to show himself to me and put an end to my inner torture. So far it hasn’t happened and the only thing I know for sure is that I have unanswered questions.”

I am struck by how much these accounts resonate with sociological theories of human relationships, especially those coming from social exchange theory. This theory describes humans as judging the value of relationships in terms of costs and benefits. One variation of social exchange theory, termed equity theory, holds that people are satisfied with their relationships when they get the rewards that they feel are proportional to the costs that they bear. An inequitable is unstable, and it usually occurs because a person thinks they receive too little for how much they give.

Many of the testimonies given by former Christians described a broken relationship with God as one might talk about a marital divorce. They are emotional, even bitter at times. They contain the language of inequality. The writers did so much for God – praying, attending church, following God – but God did not do enough in return.

Some of the writers were quite explicit about this inequality. A former Roman Catholic lamented God’s inaction during the writer’s teenage years. “I prayed and prayed and things never got better . . . in fact they got worse. So I was like fine . . . this . . . if god can turn his back on me . . . I can do the same [i.e., turn his back on God].”

Based on this explanation for deconversion, Christians pastors and other leaders would do well to teach periodically on how to handle disappointment with God. In particular,
• Why does God sometimes not answer prayer?
• What we can and cannot expect from God?

We noticed that much of the frustration vented toward God in these testimonials regarded events that occurred in childhood and adolescence. This suggests that addressing issues of disappointment with God is particularly important to do with young people.

Part 3: The Problem of Responding Badly to Doubt

Filed Under: Brad Wright Tagged With: 40 Comments
  • Robin Winterlin

    Great thoughts, Brad. As a pastor I applaud your lifting up the need to talk in our cultural context about God, fulfillment, and disappointment. We have a culture of “meet my need, my way, and do it FAST.” The Biblical God never supports such a concept. But that doesn’t mean we aren’t taught to expect this or hold up this type of “fast food faith” in our churches. Also, I noticed how many of the respondents mention an abusive or absent father. They would not self-report this being the reason, but I find, time and again, an abusive or absent father (even if the person does not conceive of God as a father) is a huge stumbling block in their spiritual journey. So much so that it almost always stunts spiritual growth if unhealed. God’s blessings on you as you help us with your research and thoughts, friend!

  • http://www.briercrest.ca/facultyprofile.asp?facultyName=CharlesHackney&facultyId=132 Charles

    I find it discouraging that equity theory works as an approach to relationship functioning. I see it as a consequence of our culture’s emphasis on individual satisfaction as the standard for evaluating how well thing function. Blaine Fowers, a psychologist at the University of Miami, published a book a while ago on his work in marriage counseling (I had to get the book if for no other reason than the title: Beyond the Myth of Marital Happiness). Being neo-Aristotelian in orientation, Fowers wants to ask the teleological question: what is the purpose of marriage? Why be married? What are you two trying to accomplish? Fowers found that the majority of clients hadn’t ever thought to ask that question. Getting married is just something that you’re supposed to do. Probing deeper, Fowers found clients to hold an implicit “telos”, namely that the purpose of marriage is their own emotional satisfaction. That being the purpose, a marriage is then evaluated as functioning or malfunctioning based on how personally satisfied the individual is. This is why equity theory works. People can then take the same attitude to other relationships, including the relationship with God. The “telos” of being religious is my own satisfaction. If I get what I want, then the religion is working. If I don’t, then it’s not working. This attitude can be held, even though it is in direct contradiction to the clear statements in the Bible and various theologies that my satisfaction is not the “telos”, and that God doesn’t promise sunshine and roses every day of my life. If we latch on to pseudo-Christian doctrines such as the prosperity gospel or (Christian Smith’s term) moralistic therapeutic deism, of course we will be disappointed when life takes a dump on our heads!

    On a more lighthearted note, I addressed some issues like these (from a psychological more than sociological standpoint) as a guest author over at the “Cheese-wearing Theology” blog in an examination of the Sci Fi TV show “Firefly”: http://cdntheologianscholar.wordpress.com/2011/03/06/firefly-and-the-psychology-of-religion-complete-series/

    Gordon Allport argued that magical thinking (prayer is about manipulating God into getting what I want) is a characteristic of religious immaturity. Successfully navigating struggles such as those you describe can be a time for spiritual growth. Failure to successfully navigate them can lead to despair and deconversion.

  • http://sandwichesforsale.blogspot.com DagoodS

    I wrote a blog entry responding to some of this. I’m not expecting a reply—I just like to know when others utilize my blog entries, and figure politeness demands I return the favor.

  • http://Facebook Kathie

    Well, this is my feeling on this Really” important question. God has had so much mercy & love for his children through out my life time, especially in my bad times when I couldn’t see it, till later I realized how he blessed me & took care of me & my loved ones. This kind of question doesn’t surprise me though as we get closer to his coming… The enemy will put doubt in your minds against the Lord our God. Enemy wants to kill and destroy that’s his mission for you everlasting pain. I Thank God for his only begotton Son who gave his pure life, so that I can Choose” to believe in him. We all have trials& tribulations…..

  • http://paimeiitguy.wordpress.com Lui S

    A timely devotional series from my pastor on “unanswered prayers” – “O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest.” Psalm 22:2

    For reflection, prayer, and repentance:
    1. Are we praying and asking for the “wrong” things?
    2. God’s answer (or non-answer) isn’t “final”.
    3. There is good in suffering, even if we don’t understand God’s will in this and why.
    4. Remember the type of relationship with God is not where we demand or dictate to Him. God is sovereign and in control always.

    I believe it comes down to obedience and faith – are we mindful of this?

  • http://www.seekingfaithfulnessblog.blogspot.com Holly

    Well, yeah. Those can be “toughies” to answer.

    It takes a reframing, a moving from “Why did this happen” to “Look at what He brought me through!” It takes moving from feeling so alone, to being able to see the ways God was truly with the individual. How do we know what he has saved us from? What could we have learned from the struggle if we had stuck with it? Where would we be right now, if we had?

    I think, maybe, that this reveals how very, very important it is for us to live in community (although, yes, everyone says this…) We need each other, we need stronger “others” to interpret God’s action and movement and involvement in our lives for us. Isolation causes such problems, as do inadequate engagement/answers from clergy, trusted and involved friends.

    I am sorry to comment so often – the things you write about fascinate me, however. The “testimonies” are so….sad.

  • http://adamjcopeland.com Adam Copeland

    Thanks for this post, the previous, and the forthcoming. Are you planning to publish these in a journal article? I’m referring to them briefly in a paper and looking for the best citation.

    • http://www.brewright.com Bradley Wright

      Hello Adam, If it’s an article aimed at the general population, you can simply refer to this blog. If it’s in a scholarly article, could you send me an e-mail and I’ll send you the full citation. (I’m traveling now). Thanks for citing it!

      Brad

  • http://www.juliaduin.com Julia Duin

    As the author of the 2008 book “Quitting Church,” I have deep sympathy for people who’ve left the faith. Face it, folks: The Bible makes many promises. Jesus’ ‘blue sky’ promises in all four gospels that basically say if we ask something in His name we will get it, don’t work. And no, He didn’t attach caveats to His promises – like so many pastors do – either, ie it has to be in God’s will, etc. etc. No, Jesus just outright said He was going to the Father basically so that whatever we asked, especially if we asked in concert with each other, would happen so that God would be glorified. I agree with the findings of the writers here that disappointment with God and unanswered prayer are uppermost in our minds but do we ever hear honest sermons about this that have some teeth? Never. It’s the big elephant in the middle of the room and after awhile, people decide they can’t live a lie. Or that if Christianity isn’t working for them, there’s nowhere to go to process this or ask questions without some nasty criticism. So they check out completely. And the biggest faith crises aren’t with the 20-somethings; it’s with the 40-and-over group; those believers who have hung in there until they can’t hang anymore.

  • Mary

    My leaving the faith did not have to do with prayers not answered, however, I did notice that despite all the people in the church praying for those with cancer or terminal illnesses never were any healed. I hear Christians share answer to prayers that really do not appear to be any different to unbelievers. My heart breaks when I see the mothe’s in Africa holding their babies and begging god to give their children food and yet still the babies dies. I hurt for the young child raped by an adult, the people killed because of earthquakes, and I think if there is a god he/she could have done a better job when creating this world.

  • DoOrDoNot

    Sermons, Christian radio, Christian books, and Christian friends repeatly offer testimony and encouragement that God is with us and loves us and back this up with story after story of God’s intervention or appearance: a healing, a whisper in the ear, a vision, an open parking space! Is it any wonder that those with unanswered prayers and no experience of God’s presence would then doubt His presence or love for them?

  • http://paimeiitguy.wordpress.com Lui S

    The Book of Hebrews anyone? Certainly these issues aren’t new just for today’s believer. Being a Christ follower is tough going, hard work, and that’s not inconsistent with all that Jesus promises and gave to us. In return, what we get is immeasurable and eternal. We need to take care not to “use” our humanity to understand or judge God’s will for it will always be a limited understanding, IMO.

    In any event, I’m glad for this blog and this series. This is one of those proverbial elephants in the room that needs to be tackled head on – sooner, rather than later.

  • Christy

    I think you are being overly reductive in your interpretation. I’m a deconvert myself, and I think it’s a much deeper issue than unanswered prayer. (And I’m not an atheist – Christianity and atheism are not the only two options.) I was a Christian for years after I stopped asking God for stuff. For me, I got tired of pretending the Christian narrative made any sense, and pretending that I knew what everyone else was talking about, this personal God who spoke to people and saved them and had a plan and was intimately involved in the world, this God who was supposedly with me, even though I had no experience that that was so. I realized that the fear of going to hell was the only reason I was still in the fold.

    I experienced Christianity as psychologically and spiritually destructive and alienating for the first 32 years of my life – I attended 2 Christian colleges, worked at a third, was a youth pastor for a bit, raised my own support, went on mission trips. I volunteered in youth groups, faith-based organizations, did small groups, spiritual direction, retreats, and have interacted with a wide spectrum of Christianity – so I feel like I gave the God of the Bible ample opportunity to demonstrate his presence.

    Is my perspective influenced by my crappy childhood? Of course – just as I’m sure your perspective is influenced by your experiences. I know a whole lot of Christians with bad or absentee fathers. If bad daddies caused deconversion from Christianity, churches would be much emptier than they are.

    There are a number of people for whom Christianity just doesn’t work, and a few sermons on unanswered prayer aren’t going to change that.

    • http://www.brewright.com Bradley Wright

      Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Christy. I realize that it goes beyond just unanswered prayer, but what you write sounds a lot like some of the narratives that we read (and wrote about)… reacting to not experiencing the presence of God. Good, and sad, point about if bad fathers caused deconversion….

  • Allie

    I believe a HUGE reason why people leave the faith is because of ego. As sinful humans, we don’t want to give God any control over our lives. This may sound harsh, but it is the truth. A lot of deconversion ‘testimonies’ that I have looked over and examined over the past year and a half (most, if not all of them on the internet) are very self-centered and have a lot to deal with hubris, or intellectual pride. We want to have control over what God does in our lives and how much He is involved. Maybe the reason why God doesn’t our prayers directly is because we ultimately want to be glorified, not God. The main idea in Christianity is that you cannot work for your salvation, that salvation comes from God alone so that way He is glorified.

    I’ve been going through doubt (it’s mainly a result of depression and anxiety that I’ve been dealing with and ignorance of the Bible, not so much intellectual issues) for about a year and a half and I have been struggling with hubris. I am a discerned person by nature and it’s hard for me to trust people, including my family members, and it affects my prayer life and relationship with Christ. I’ve realized that I have been quenching the Holy Spirit, which is causing my anxiety and my thoughts to go crazy, and not letting God have control. Quenching the Spirit is the most damaging thing to one’s faith in Christ as well as being way too concerned about what others think of my faith, and sometimes blowing it way out of proportion. I’ve doubted my salvation ever since I was saved and it was because I quenched the Holy Spirit. I wanted to share Christ with my unbelieving friends and wanted to do it perfectly, but I thought about the worst case scenarios, so I avoided sharing my faith. God does not expect us to be perfect but expects us to be real and to give Him control. This reminds me of 2 Corinthians 12 where Paul is talking about the thorn in his side and he asked God to take it away three times. God didn’t take it away because he wanted Paul to understand that God would be glorified in his weakness and he had nothing to worry about. I tend to worry a lot and I shouldn’t.

    • http://(none) Sam

      You do have a significant point , Allie. I am a cradle Catholic and I have never entertained any thought of leaving the faith and the one time I was asked were I to do that was when I was asked by a non-Catholic who upon learning I was a Charismatic Catholic, asked me when I was going to leave the Church. My response was that I would have to give up too much by leaving. My personal observation over the years has been that many times persons are drawn away because of poor catechization with the consequence that they are unable to discern/understand what they are giving up. (A lifelong study of our Catholic faith is necessary for the proper practice of it) about 30 years ago I was probably on the verge of despair over a personal situation, was storming Heaven with MY solution when God intervened manifesting His love for me and everyone, showing me that I needed to be able to honestly to Him: “OK Lord, whatever way You want it to be, that’s OK with me!” The situation was resolved within the next few weeks. WE cannot and must not try to manipulate/order God to do what we are asking for. I was at an intercessory prayer meeting where on woman emphatically said “we order YOU!” Man can only propose but God disposes according to HIS plan for our lives. The down side of free will is that because of concupiscence, we can make wrong choices that can lead to loss of Heaven. God bless……

  • BJ

    In addition to God Himself seeming not to answer prayers, or at least not do so in a way that we like, I am becoming a borderline Christian because of the way fellow believers have treated me. In sixth grade, my teacher accused me of lying about my salvation, because I was not getting good grades, and I was bullied by fellow believers at that school and church. Thirty years later, I still remember those small things, and ask–what possible benefit could God have intended for me in all that? Or for the teacher and students, fellow conservative believers all, who behaved so badly toward me? In my work and personal dealings today, I have found fellow believers to be no better and no worse than anybody else.

    I believe we as Christians have a duty to watch out for and care for each other, above and beyond the norm, almost as much as we do for our own families. We can also be resources for each other, providing meaningful assistance and encouragement that the rest of the world does not provide. I wish that would be what people think of about church, first. Today, I donate to Christian causes, but only those that give practical assistance to people in need, and do not make it contingent on any faith discussions, etc.

    I am a teacher today, and I am grateful for my experience in the Christian schools–a great reminder of who I do not want to be in dealing with my high-risk/high-need students and their families.

    Thanks for a thought-provoking discussion.

    • Leorah

      I’m not sure if you’re going to read this a month after the fact, but I just came across this discussion tonight. (And what a help it’s been to me!) I wasn’t going to add a comment–it was enough just to read everyone else’s and know that I wasn’t alone in these feelings–but something that you said just reached out and grabbed me.

      You asked, “What possible benefit could God have intended for me in all that?” I think you may have answered your own question a little further on: “I am a teacher today, and I am grateful for my experience in the Christian schools–a great reminder of who I do not want to be in dealing with my high-risk/high-need students and their families.”

      As someone who was bullied horribly by other kids (Christian and non-Christian alike) throughout my school years and then got entangled in an abusive relationship at the age of 19, I used to ask that same question. And then a few years ago I realized that because of what I went through, I’ve been able to be a source of encouragement and advice to others who are or were in the same circumstances. I love that I’ve been able to help people in this way! I finally feel pretty much healed from what I lived through as a child and adolescent, and yet the lessons I learned from it are now multiplied for others.

      From what you said, it sounds like maybe God is using you in a similar way. Because of what you experienced, you’re more sensitive to the needs of your students as well as to those who are disadvantaged and suffering in other ways. It’s so special that you can make a difference in their lives!

      I’m here for the same reason everyone else is; I have a lot of doubts. But one thing I’m pretty sure of is that, with time and prayer, God can heal our early wounds so that only the wisdom gained from them remains to help us and those around us in the future. I’m going to pray that God will start to heal the pain caused by the damage that was done to you as a young person so that the hurtful legacy of that will fade away and only the compassion and understanding that you learned from it will stay with you.

  • Lee Picton

    Maybe people are leaving the faith because the message to its members can no longer be controlled by the clergy. People do their own research on the internet and come to the entirely rational conclusion that there is no god at all. Shit happens, and no deity is involved, because there is no evidence for any gods.

    • almamu

      How can one gain true knowledge or reason/rationality from the internet? How can you say that there is no evidence for God, given that the name for God, YHWH, or I AM implies that God is self-existent and self-evident. YHWH (God) is the only God who exists. Idols, however, do not. Atheism is self-deceiving, and there is no evidence for atheism being true. There is, however, irrefutable evidence for the existence of God, and the Christian faith. Christianity is the ONLY faith actually based on evidence and Truth.

  • rebbecca

    GOD will fight 4 me all de pain i hve knw isnt tamperer all u dat hve hurt me so much dat i hve made me cry dat brought sorrow 2 my heart im nt goin 2 fight im goin 2 wait 4 de day u die nd see were u land 2 u call ur selves Christians u dnt knw wat de meanin of Christianity is u acted as if u care bout me nd my sis wen u see anothers . u r heartless im nt goin 2 say much but ders goin 2 be a day u need us nd me nd her r goin 2 help use but wre nver goin 2 forget wat u hve done 2 us 4 as long as we leave

  • Jeff

    I spent 17 years as a christian and in the end there are multiple reasons that I walked away: Everyone thinks they have the truth and the holy spirit is leading the way; the bible has errors, contradictions, and is not inerrant (please spare me the “apparent” contradictions speech); christian families are no example of love, but of rules, depression, and frustration; prayers are not answered.

    Everyone thinks they have the truth: “If you just come to our church or denomination you’ll hear the truth” Christianity is so divided it’s not even worth talking about. It has been hijacked by educated men who have a desire to rule over people and make a living. Just ask any christian if what they believe is right. There is no way to study the bible and come up with a clear understanding of what is the right way, none.

    So you know, I’m not some schleprock that never picked up his bible. To the contrary, I spent all my years as a christian devling deeply into scriptures, denominations, cults and the like. Yea, I ask the holy spirit to help me understand the scriptures and blah blah blah. The more I sought out the truth, the more I moved away from christianity. Take off the rose tinted glasses and look at christianity as you do every other religion in the world.

    Contractions, Errors, Inerrant: No current translation of the bible is without error, be it “copyist errors” or certain chapters that are in one translation, but not the other. Oh, that’s right, the original manuscripts were without error. Really, can you produce one of those for us to examine? There are so many areas in the old testament where numbers are different and contradictory, and their all brushed off as “copyist errors”, Excuse me, “ERRORS”. I also know thelogian’s arguments for contradictions, “if there is any reasonable explanation, then it’s not a contradiction”; that’s bull and you know it. Did Judas hang himself or fall headlong and his guts burst out? Oh that’s easy, he hung himself on a tree on the edge of a cliff and then later fell off, hit a rock, and then his guts burst out. (where is that in the bible?) How about this, one of them got it right, the other one got it wrong. The resurrection stories of all gospels are impossible to reconcile. I realize some apparent contradictions can be reconciled, but there are others that cannot, and the story has to be stretched really hard to make it work. Shh, we can’t tell anyone that or they might not trust the bible anymore, and we’ll lose our headcount at church. I’ve been very involed in churches and headcount is important, so don’t lie about it.

    Christian famlies: I have worked with more children from christian families that are an absolute disaster than I want to talk about. There is no joy in being a christian, but their life is very full or rules and regulations, do’s and don’ts. After reading some of Paul’s writings it is easy to understand why. Every time I move to a new neighborhood, I easliy find out where the christians live. “oh we don’t do that”, “our kids can’t do that”, “your kids can’t play with our kids” and on and on it goes. A majority of the time they are the worst neighbors and not well liked because they are so judgemental of everyone else and the word gets around. No, their not hated because of Jesus, there disliked because their morons and think their better than everyone else. They think they are the police force in the neighborhood. I was the most unhappy person on earth as a christian. Oh, I thought I was happy and serving Jesus, but the burden of all of the above and no answered prayers after 17 years was to much for me to bear anymore.

    Prayers: Here is my question for you, why doesn’t God heal alzheimers, down syndrom, amputees? No, he always seems to heal, cancer, or stomach problems, or any other things that can be healed medically or can’t be seen. I’m not saying he cant heal anyone, I’m saying it is always something like this, “Georgie had cancer everywhere and now she is healed” Of course that was after 5 rounds of Chemo and surgery. “My back pain is gone and the lord healed me” Christians will make anything an answer to prayer. I was in the hospital the other week with my wife. She was being operated on. I did not pray at all and everything went well. I heard a lady aside of me talking to someone on the phone about her son that was operated on that morning also. She said, “everything went fine, the lord answered all of our prayers”. Really? So if she wouldn’t have prayed the kid would have died, or what was she talking about? I didn’t pray and everything went fine also. I am so tired of hearing that every prayer is answered, either yes, no, or later. Jesus said anything you asked for in his name and he would give you. “Ask and the door will be open, seek and you shall find…” God said he would give good gifts to his children, and that if man who is evil gives good things to his kids, why wouldn’t he. The problem is when prayers aren’t answered than christians come up with all kinds of excuses; you didn’t have enough faith, he answered no, it has to be his will, and on and on it goes. Give me a a break people.

    I put my heart and sould into christianity and it as a whole failed me. No, I wasn’t looking for massive miracles, gold falling from the sky, christians walking around on clouds of loviness. What I found was that non christians as a whole were more loving and caring than christians. Christianity was hijack and made into something it is not supposed to be. I am much happier not going to church and having to deal with uptight, arrogant, judgemental, depressed christians all the time. Life is good, people are important and should be loved. We are not low life little sheep that are horrible and evil all the time. There is nothing you can say to me that I haven’t already said to many people, or have already heard, so forget it. You, christians, have failed miserably. Your no example of what Jesus was supposed to be. I am positive you will get on your soapbox and tell me how wrong and arrogant I am. No, actually I am very pissed off that I spent so many years following this and was completely let down. Why don’t you just delete this post so no one sees it and begins to question things; headcount, it’s all about headcount, remember that.

    • almamu

      The fact is, there are NO contradictions in the Bible. The contradictions assertion is only a myth made up by those in order to persuade Christians to abandon their faith. The ‘contradictions’ are only misinterpretations made by unreasonable skeptics. The reason why you left the faith is because you believed lies in this world. Those who pride themselves on their morality are fools. All people are evil. I’m a Christian, not religious, and I’ve been humbled by God during my own season of doubt. Even though the ‘contradictions’ have been resolved, its really depressing that skeptics still assume that there are errors in the Bible. There are none. They are making claims about the Bible which are not true and claim that the writers of the Bible are out to brainwash everyone without evidence. There are people, much more intelligent than you, I’m afraid, that have debunked any claims on contradictions. You fell away because you fell under pressure coming from unreasonable people. That’s the ultimate reason why people fall away. You feared man instead of God and now look at you, making a fool of yourself by asserting things which are not true.

    • almamu

      As I was re-reading your comment, I noticed how HATEFUL you sound. You set a definition of a contradiction which is not the actual definition. The errors you talk about have nothing to do with Christian doctrine. Our faith is on the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ but the Bible is inerrant in the original manuscripts, like you said. How can you honestly say that the resurrection accounts cannot be reconciled? All four accounts say he was risen from death and that was confirmed by eyewitness testimony of His resurrection. The ‘contradictions’ surface because people take things out of context, over-analyze, and place things in Scripture which are not in Scripture in the first place. Keep in mind that the Gospels were written by four different people within about 10-20 years after the facts they describe (given that there is a 1st Century fragment of the Gospel of Mark being discovered, I could make the assumption that the Gospels were written earlier than we thought). There are real scholars, like I’ve said before, who have dealt with all of the apparent contradictions in the Bible, scholars who are much more aware and educated on the subject matter than you.

      From what I’ve observed with people like you (such as John Loftus and many others) is that they make up flat out lies to make it seem like the church was out to get you but when the real truth comes out, it seems that the person who leashes out all sorts of hate on the church was out to conspire against God’s people in the first place.

      “I am much happier not going to church and having to deal with uptight, arrogant, judgemental, depressed christians all the time.”

      Hahaha….this is hilarious.
      This sounds a lot like you. And given your entire rant was about attacking the church and how you’re so much better without Jesus Christ, I can make the conclusion that you’re a self-righteous, ignorant, religious (yes, I said, religious) fool. You’re being irrational and just plain arrogant.

      “Shh, we can’t tell anyone that or they might not trust the bible anymore, and we’ll lose our headcount at church. I’ve been very involed in churches and headcount is important, so don’t lie about it.”

      It would be very interesting to ask someone in your church about how important headcount is. I thoroughly believe that you’re making that up. The thing about apostates which really is hilarious/ ticks me off is that they fabricate in order for people to feel sorry for them. Many of John Loftus’ former colleagues recount him being very self-righteous and hateful and people still wonder why he left the faith. He, too, is a habitual liar and plays mindgames with Christians.

      I really wish, as a Christian, that I could feel sorry for you but when you make as many errors in your judgement and your ‘reasons’ for leaving Christ behind are as dubious as they are, all I can do is shake my head and pray that you reconsider what Christ has done for you.

      • Anonymous

        @almamu Why are you attacking him (Jeff) with no compassion? You yourself went through a period of doubt as you stated. You show no compassion and mercy. I have been a Christian for 6 years and want to throw up how ‘christians” come across. They are some of the most dangerous people. Yes, I am a spirit-filled christian who walks with the Holy Spirit. We sound like psychopaths most of the time.

    • Joy Bell

      Hi,
      Read with interest your reasons for ditching Christianity.
      The Judas Question puzzled me, but the answer is to do with Judas fighting, not the Judas who betrayed Jesus in the Bible.
      In the Apocrypha we find Judas fighting and his guts being spilled out, this is Jewish History.
      With regards to Christian famlies being awful examples, yes, I agree it’s a sad fact, but we could argue these are not Christian.
      If to be a christian means living a life of Goodness, Gentleness, self-control, there are people who do not do this and yet claim to be Christian.
      My husband lost his finger in a saw, the end of his finger was covered in saw-dust, the surgeon could not put it back on, we prayed, my husband’s thumb grew back!, but he is still an Atheist.
      I think true faith is something deeper and richer but not a one size fits all doctrine.
      My husband is a lovely, true and faithful person, I am a Christian he is an Atheist, but we have a good solid relationship built on love.
      Love is what Christanity is, being kind to your neighbour and love breaks down barriers and stands up for Justice.
      Love is Sacrifice of one’s own needs to help another achieve their goals, and they the same.
      Love isn’t fear or force, which sadly seems to be modern day Christianity, and has nothing to do with mercy and understanding.
      Prayers are not always answered, the world is imperfect, troubles come, they will come , the odd miracle is like a diamond in the rain, but we still get wet.
      After losing all my family and being spritually, emotionally and sexually abused by so called CHRISTIANS , and losing my faith too, but finding Jesus again and recieving healing for the hurts which took many, many years, I can understand very well how people lose their faith.
      The Bible’s main message is about Salvation, and it runs through every story, wether you take the imagary literal or not, Salvation is the Key. It is a tribal, bloody and difficult book, written by men who were trying to find the way to Salvation, just as the world is today. God is still in Control
      even when it seems all hope is gone.
      (PS During these last few days my husband is begining slowly to come back to God again, and he left God around forty eight years ago, the Patience of God is amazing, and Love is always patient)
      Bless you.
      Blessed are the pure in heart,
      for they will see God.

  • garyk

    This question came up again tonight between my wife and I. We’ve tithed, we have been generous, we see the promises in Malachi 3:10, yet within the last two years our “fields” — our livelihoods — have not been protected. Our home is gone. Our income is gone — many possessions sold or given away. We ask “why?”

    I cannot answer this. Yet, when I look back I remember when God did answer a particular prayer, or kept a promise. I have written some of these many, many times He helped in our family Bible, because when I am feeling my lowest, it is like I don’t even remember all the blessing He did give. These prayers and miracles, what were they?

    He saved my life once when I was lost in the ocean and I cried out. He saved my business in three minutes. A partner called to tell me he was not going to honor his promise. It would have been my financial ruin. I cried out to the Lord in a knee-jerk reaction without even thinking to do it. Three minutes later, this partner call me back to change what he said 180 degrees.

    Years ago I almost lost the house, yet he saved me and my family — literally poured out manna from heaven. He miraculously saved my wife and I from a car wreck where we both should have been killed. Not a scratch on us, nothing. He has answered prayers for health and healing. He has answered our prayers we’ve prayed for our children and grandchildren, for our friends and other people.

    All I can say is go over all the promises He has kept and all the prayers He has answered. It is humbling. Even in our losing our home, a friend called me and told me God said a house he had intended to rent was, instead, “mine.” He didn’t want anything for it. No rent, nothing. “Use it for as long as you need to get back on your feet. God told me, like Job, you would be restored. I am like one of Job’s friends, to give to you to help restore you. Don’t thank me, thank God.”

    Still now, my income is zero and all I try to do has come to nothing. Yet, people call me and say, “God told me to help you.” And, they seem to be working on it.

    Like Moses in the desert. He held up the staff and told them not to look at the snakes biting them, but to look at the emblem, and they would be saved.

  • http://www.gwern.net gwern

    I am struck by how much these accounts resonate with sociological theories of human relationships, especially those coming from social exchange theory. This theory describes humans as judging the value of relationships in terms of costs and benefits. One variation of social exchange theory, termed equity theory, holds that people are satisfied with their relationships when they get the rewards that they feel are proportional to the costs that they bear. An inequitable is unstable, and it usually occurs because a person thinks they receive too little for how much they give.

    I’m a little flabbergasted by this description. Are we reading the same testimonials? Your own quotes speak of how the writer ‘never’ had prayers answer, ‘always’ saw them fail, and ‘nothing fails like prayer’ with God ‘not showing himself’ ever. None of them say things ‘well, God granted my prayer to make my cat well, but what has he done for me lately? I guess I’ll just stop believing in him, that’ll show him!’

    This is not a case where one receives ‘too little’, these are cases where the person is receiving nothing, and are closer to evidentiary than commercial issues: if an appearance or granted prayer is evidence that can convince you to believe in God, then no appearances and no granted prayers must be evidence to convince you not to believe in God.

  • Hee Lye Lim

    This is a God sent Blog. Thank you Lord.
    The main stumbling block to Christianity, at present, is that the leaderships have decimated the the Body of Christ, with many members, into diversed shapes and sizes. The Church of Christ Jesus is His Body and NOT huge, beautiful, expensive buildings called “Churches”. The teachings and practices are exactlly a copy of the Old Testament. Those days the Leaders of the Jew ruled and oppressed the ordinary people who depended so much during the various worship Feasts. Power, positions, respect, money, etc. are in high demand for religious services rendered, Do we now see any similarity?
    Is it “To God be the glory!” or “To men and women be the glory”? Take a good look around us……..and what do we see? Does the world see and hear Christ Jesus through His Church in our midst, in good and bad times? We had the “Acts of the Apostles” . Now is the”Acts of the Body of Christ”! Beloved brothers and sisters in Christ, all over the world, LET US ARISE AND MOVE WITH PASSIONATE ACTS OF LOVE, PEACE AND JOY OF THE LORD
    AMONG THE NATIONS!
    We pray that Abba Father, in the Name of Jesus, by His Spirit gives all of us revelations of “The Great Commandants”, “The New Convenant” and “The New Commandment” to guide and lead us, enpowered with the Gifts of the Holy Spirit. To God be the glory! Amen.

  • DEL

    As an adult with Aspergers syndrome, a form of autism, I don’t approach faith in an emotional manner. Having recently re-evaluated my involvement in church and christianity, I decided to leave both. The preponderance of false doctrines and hypocritical christians has overwhelmed me, and I’m not able to justify my beliefs any longer.
    For all of you apologists for god I say let god speak for himself. Let him explain the genocidal horrors he expected his “chosen people” to commit. Let him explain how an omnipotent being can allow millions to starve and suffer regardless how much they pray to him. Let him explain how his most faithful servants such as Joel Olsteen and Joyce Meyer can live like royalty. Let him explain just why I should believe in stories of talking snakes, talking donkeys, man-eating fishes, magical fruit trees, global floods, a 6000 year old earth, and a flat earth. People don’t deconvert from christianity only because of unanswered prayers. We are wearied of intrusive church members, parasitical clergy, and being required to check our intellect at the door every single time we enter a church.
    I discovered that once I started asking the hard questions how quickly I was rejected and ostracized by the church. We Aspies aren’t known for being tactful but we do ask honest questions and expect honest answers. What have I discovered about the majority of christians I have known? Judgemental, petty, dishonest, hypocritical, unloving, and superstitious. I don’t need that in my life.

  • Lee

    I am a deconvert. I am one based on logic and some emotion. I am simply tired of feeling so bad about things that I can’t change, feeling condemned for those things constantly, praying and waiting on God to change my heart. I have been waiting for now on 10 years and it hasn’t happened yet. If doing the same action repeatedly results in failure, but I keep trying anyway the short answer is that my action is crazy. I have concluded waiting on ‘God’ to be insanity. I have instead decided to live with my heart as a guide and not some book. I focus on treating others fairly, with tolerance and respect, and being honest in all things. Not to do harm to anyone else, and taking direct action to change my behavior. It has been a liberating experience. I now live in the present, enjoying and embracing the moment. I am no longer trapped in chains of shame and helplessness. Christianity just didn’t work for me. I used to believe Christianity to be an exclusive path, now I am not so sure.

  • Wayne Pruski

    I am very disappointed in where “faith” has brought me. I want to provide an example of the lack of power I experienced in Christianity….
    I have a mental illness, passed down from my mother’s side. I also have an addiction passed down from my father’s side. Both of these ailments have cost me tremendously.
    I became a Christian in 1996 and followed the christian faith vehemently for 10+ years. I was “discipled” by many older in the church – served in ministry for 10+ years – even worked for the church at times. One talent I have because of my bipolar is memorization. I’ve memorized over 2,000 bible verses – always putting my hopes into the Word which could save me. Well, as I said, my life, because of my mental illness and addiction has eroded over the years. My health became so bad last year, that I was hospitalized because of a mental breakdown. All the while “praying”, “reading the Word”, “spending time with God’s people” and “serving”. I was so distraught at the mental breakdown, I decided to do an experiment – as I went through my 4 month long hospital program, I would not even consider anything of faith or religion or the bible. I would simply be treated by medical knowhow. Do you know what happened? I got better!!! For 4 months of the program, I did not dabble in addiction, and my thinking was clear. I even met someone and we started dating! Something I had “begged” God for 10 years prior. I wasn’t laiden with guilt and a daily “carrying of some unforseen cross”. Ok, double blind test – I got out of the hospital program, returned to my church, and now, after 4 months of following the “teachings” guess what? I am back to being miserable, my addiction is back in full bore, the girl is gone from my life, and I feel guilty and ashamed all the time again! Wow! Thanks christianity!

    • Patience

      It is hard to understand why when you went back to your church you fell as we do not know what kind of teaching you are subjecting yourself to. But just from reading your comments I do feel there is something not right with it and why the program helped was that you simply rested and lived your life when you decided to go into the program.

      Listen Christianity is not meant to be so complicated. It is simply a friendship with God. Talk to him, enjoy Him, take your medicine. Don’t beg and beg and beg for what is yours. Sounds like there is a striving mentality in your church. I would back away from the church, dust off your bible and take sometime to refresh yourself privately with the Lord, no conditions, no strivings, no imaginary cross (which He didn’t give you)…just talk to Him, listen to some lovely music and smell the roses.

  • MeToo

    I know how you feel. I have prayed, helped many people, did everything I know to do for “GOD”, and after over 25 years of praying for deliverance from physical and mental problems, God has seeming failed me.

  • samuel

    am a christian i love GOD cos he is mysterious, i love Jesus cos he is so real to me more than the bible; i am in an intimate relatioship wit the holy spirit cos he reveals the death, burial, resurrection of JESUS to me more than the bible’ i love this world cos it is full of probelms that makes it possible for me to look up to jesus for the heavenly mansions john 14vs2. i hope is built on nothing easy but on jesus the solid rock other grands is sinking sands. religion is not from God. relationship is what GOD wants from us. isaiah 9vs6. Jesus the prince of peace.all my deconverted friends God is always right take it or leave it. Jesus i love u weather u bless me. heal me’ deliver me or not. the bible the only book that carries the hope of humanity john 4vs24 worship God wit ur spirit not ur head; intellectual ability, oh people of God an eroneous definition of faith is one problem some are having hebrews 11vs 36 to40 is my definition of faith in this last days peoples love for christ are failing. u are a spirit u have a soul, and u live in a body 1thessalonians 5vs23 let nt the desires of ur body kill the purpose Jesus has for ur spirit and soul 2corithans 5vs8.from nigeria u guys are blessed in Jesus mighty name

  • Patience

    I don’t have all the answers and I have had my deep doubts and fears as well. I honestly think every Christian will at some point or another face doubt in their faith walk. It is always the threshold to the next level of maturity, where you either chose to believe him because He is or not. It is a crossroad for many when everything is striped away in some sense and it is now a simple question of, “was it about me or not?” But I am still a Christian and what I have found out after coming through the valley of doubt is I had to rework my theology in many cases. I now just rest in Him, know He knows better than me, want His will not mine and through it all, have made up my mind to follow him whether i have answers or not. Let us not forget that those that came before us many times were burnt for the faith, sewed asunder, fed to lions, martyred. We are promised a spiritual kingdom, here and now we are to rest and submit.

    Maybe modern christianity prepares us for getting something from God and we forget that many of the witnesses from the past served God, ‘no matter the cost.’ The life we live we live not for ourselves as we are crucified with Christ but we live for Christ. If we are to walk through the fiery furnace, we pray for the strength to do so. That is Christianity. We have not had answered prayers, we have seen hypocrisy, we have seen pain etc but we have not suffered until the spilling of our blood. None of us have.

    Those who felt guilt and guilt and condemnation please please leave your burdens to the Lord. Your sins were nailed to the cross and buried with Christ. That is a done deal. Reckon it as so and relax in the finished work. If you fall, rise up, clean yourself and carry on. You don’t have to go ‘earning’ your holiness. The third person of the trinity, The Holy Spirit is in you and will empower you. Rest in that. A lot of churches imply work and busyness for freedom – Come every sunday, and wednesday, serve multiple hours, be in some ministry…busy, busy, busy. So busy it is a substitute for intimate conversations with God on a private basis. Our power is in prayer. If anyone asked me, and i have been saved 23 years, i will say to any Christian, if you want to learn or develop any discipline that will help your christian walk, it is the discipline of prayer. Never neglect that. There was a result Jesus would pray for hours, even all night. Cultivate that. Not a 5 mins prayer while brushing your teeth. Not a quickie as you run to the car but adequate time connecting to God. Again i say, THAT IS OUR POWER. So much to write but i hope i have helped.

    • Deb

      You have helped, Patience.

  • David

    Well at least I see that I am not alone in this. Let me tell you what my experience has been and where I find myself at present. When I started to read the Bible and listen to sermons about ten years ago I never had any sense of sin, eternal damnation, basically I understood nothing and this went on for about one year where my only concern was with what God can do for me and my happiness and prosperity. My prayers were prayers like, Jesus if you will help me in this and make me a success in my endeavour I will stop smoking and be a good boy, pathetic I know. Then with time when nothing happened I started to think there is something wrong with me or I must first do or become something for God to answer me, so I started to read the Bible for the first time to understand it and see what my role and Gods role is. I soon realised that God will only answer prayers that align up with his will. So the next faze was where I tried to bring the words that I read in the Bible into my life with power, words mean nothing if there is no change no reality no power. I wish I could say that some of my prayers have been answered but I would only be lying and what purpose will that serve. I truly do not know how to reconcile this. I find in Gods word many promises that are very clear in there intent and meaning but the problem is that for me they have never been answered. What can I say to this. God says to me if I pray to him in his name according to his will believing I will have whatever my petition may be. To be fair one or two or maybe even up to ten instances where a person does this and nothing happens could be understood but if the formula says this and the person does what the formula says and nothing ever happens, what then, how shall we reconcile this. I know not all I know for a fact is that God is real Jesus is real, why he has not been there for me or answered any of my prayers I know not. People have given me answers like these . You have sin in your life. Such a argument makes no sense. I come to Jesus to be delivered from sin my very prayer is to be set free from sin and they tell me my prayer is not answered because I am wicked. What futility. I don’t know anymore to be honest I also do not care anymore. All I know is that years of prayer have done nothing for me. This leaves me with this final conclusion that in life if you want to see change or be the change like the hippies say you can only rely on your self. I should have listened to my dad who once said to me, David the sooner you realize that in life you only have yourself and you can only rely on yourself you will save yourself from futile sorrows. All I know is I look for God but he is never there, I call on his name but hear only silence, the only thought that brings some small comfort to me is that this meaningless life will soon be over and I will go to the place prepared for me.

  • Gary

    I left the faith for many personal reason. I won’t deny many are selfish, but in my opinion some are not. As cliche as it sounds my doubts started young. I watched my mother degenerate from a lovely vibrant woman to a vegetable slowly over 3 years and then die. My father wasn’t wholly abusive but did slap and throw me around alot as a child. And after mom died it got much worse. I prayed constantly and loudly for god to just make him stop. Never happened. It took me beating him down, my own father, for him to stop laying hands on me. When I was 19 I joined the military and watched a very good friend shoot himself because his girlfriend broke up with him and not to mention the bullet struck me as well since I was standing behind him.
    Everything I’ve tried to do in my life has blown up in my face literally and figuratively. Several times I’ve been told I get a promotion and then the next day I’m told “Sorry but ______ will get it.” this person always seems to be the son of my bosses personal friend or someone politically connected. I’ve prayed so hard for that promotion so I can help my siblings out with their children, but as always I’m pushed to the back burner and told to wait. Many times I’ve prayed for understanding of my life situation but always get kicked in the teeth for asking for help. Everytime I’ve counseled with a church leader They never want me to explain what’s bothering me and just want to tell me where I’m wrong at all times. I truly feel like god has abandoned me and I was just born on this planet to be a play thing to see how miserable I can be. I want the inner pain and turmoil to end and never get any relief. I’m to the point of wanting to kill myself because I seem to get no answers or help of any kind from my creator. I am left handed and since I grew up Catholic the nuns and priests would severely punish me for using my left hand to write with or even wave at someone. God made that way why am I being punished was my childhood anthem. There are several more thing I can add on here but just don’t see the sense in saying them. I’m sure I’ll be punished somehow for writing this but I’m used to it.

    God I just want to know why I’m in pain and why I’ve had to suffer the way I have. Why don’t you answer me? I thought I mattered to you. Can’t you see my tears on the inside? can’t you see my heart tearing itself apart everyday? Why god did I become an alcoholic? Why do you ignore me all the time? Why must I be the one you pick on? Why do you seem to hate me when all I’ve ever been told is you love me? I want and need an answer god. I know you can see how close I am to ending it all myself.

    • Ray

      Interesting…
      I’m an alcoholic, I too am left handed. So who made you so fucking special? HU?

      Mr…. Your good…
      But try to understand that you have responsibilities.
      1. You have a responsibility to learn all you can… though hardships…
      2. You have a responsibility to share all of your experience because if you don’t – only then will you have failed…
      Hang in there and don’t leave before the miracle. Got it?

      There are things you just cant change… But if you accept them they get better. So will you.