Church Sign Epic Fails, “Beer in Hell” Edition

The biggest challenge of beer in hell is keeping it cold. Maybe that’s why it’s hell…

Thank goodness I’m a scotch man; I can still go to heaven! And really, you only go to hell for drinking beer if you put a piece of fruit in it. Heresy!

I really wish he would have died for Krispy Kreme instead.

They must be on the Mayan calendar or something. Did I miss a meeting?

Yes, and after you do, the archangels hold up scorecards and vote you out.

You should see this guy’s business card. Actually unrolls like a big scroll. And that “inc” at the end really lets you know it’s legit.

Always a good idea to confabulate our understanding of God with a mythical character we later explain to our kids is actually just made up. No set-up there at all!

So we’ll know it’s the rapture when all the churches are floating up to heaven? Could have made it easier on God and put them all on floating foundations.

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Soul Harvest” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, Advent Onslaught Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Big Ass” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Force-Fed Faith” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, Hangover Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Chocolate Chip Christ” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, Vol. (x = 40-3)

Church Sign Epic Fails, Vol. 36

Church Sign Epic Fails, Vol. XXXV

Church Sign Epic Fails, Birthday Edition

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About Christian Piatt

Christian Piatt is the creator and editor of BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE BIBLE and BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT JESUS. He has a memoir on faith, family and parenting called PREGMANCY: A Dad, a Little Dude and a Due Date, and Hachette published his first hardcover book, "postChristian: What's left? Can we fix it? Do we care?" in 2014. His first novel, "Blood Doctrine," has been optioned by a Hollywood production company for a possible TV series.

Christian is the cofounder and cohost of the Homebrewed CultureCast, a podcast about popular culture, current events and spirituality that has a weekly audience of 25,000 people (

Preorder Christian's next book, "Not That Kind of Christian: Loving God without being an a**hole," at

For more information about Christian, visit, or find him on Twitter ( or Facebook.

  • Chad

    I fully expect there to be beer in heaven. Good Scottish ale in fact.

  • Joel Rieves

    When I think of all the sanctimonious a**holes who’ve “gone on to a better place”, Hell doesn’t sound so bad. Even if they do put fruit in the beer.

    • BringTheNoise

      As long as it’s Blue Moon with a slice of orange, I’m there. That stuff rules!

  • Amy Wharton


  • Michael Pullmann

    My favorite part of the first sign is the incorrect, contractive “it’s”.

  • Ryan

    At least the place with the insanely long name had a woman overseer…