Church Sign Epic Fails, “We Serve Minors” Edition

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender asks him, “Hey, what’s the steering wheel for?” and the pirate says, “Arrgh, I don’t know, but it’s drivin’ me nuts!”

This could be taken about seven different ways, and so far, none of those ways I’ve come up with are good.

What?!?! People in A.A smoke cigarettes??? Why didn’t anybody tell us this? Next thing you know they’re going to be drinking all our coffee and using our bathrooms. Enough is enough!

Yeah, no kidding. I mean all those Christians in the Crusades just used swords and catapulted their firebombs onto their victims. Body bombs are sooo cliche.

You know, the fact that Jewish services sometimes involve real wine cause me a moment of pause as to whether I should take them at their word on this one. Consider my interest piqued.

That word, “Unconditional.” You keep using it. I don’t think it means what you think it means.

But what they don’t tell you is that the result is the secretary rifling through the envelopes to look for checks and then putting all the prayers in a big basket for a handy-dandy “mass prayer.” Very efficient.

Whew, thank goodness this has NEVER been the message of Christianity. Otherwise this sign would be TOTALLY hypocritical. Lucky for us!

Church Sign Epic Fails, “God Likes Weed” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Crush China for Jesus” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails: “Satan’s Graffiti” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Beer in Hell” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Soul Harvest” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, Advent Onslaught Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Big Ass” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Force-Fed Faith” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, Hangover Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Chocolate Chip Christ” Edition


VIDEO Church Sign Epic Fails, “God Likes Weed” Edition

VIDEO Church Sign Epic Fails, “Big Ass” Edition

“Satan’s Graffiti” VIDEO edition of Church Sign Epic Fails

“Beer in Hell” VIDEO Edition of Church Sign Epic Fails

“Advent Onslaught” VIDEO Edition of Church Sign Epic Fails

“Faith vs. Reason Throwdown” VIDEO Edition of Church Sign Epic Fails

“Chocolate Chip Christ” VIDEO Edition of Church Sign Epic Fails

Church Sign Epic Fails VIDEO Debut

About Christian Piatt

Christian Piatt is the creator and editor of BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE BIBLE and BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT JESUS. He has a memoir on faith, family and parenting called PREGMANCY: A Dad, a Little Dude and a Due Date, and Hachette published his first hardcover book, "postChristian: What's left? Can we fix it? Do we care?" in 2014. His first novel, "Blood Doctrine," has been optioned by a Hollywood production company for a possible TV series.

Christian is the cofounder and cohost of the Homebrewed CultureCast, a podcast about popular culture, current events and spirituality that has a weekly audience of 25,000 people (

Preorder Christian's next book, "Not That Kind of Christian: Loving God without being an a**hole," at

For more information about Christian, visit, or find him on Twitter ( or Facebook.

  • Hilary

    About get lit from kol Ami, there probobly was wine and juice. But it could be for liturature, since Jews are the people of the book . . . amd footnotes . . . and commentary . . . and controversy and disagreement on commentary . . . . and commentary on the commentaries . . . and one rabbis detailed disagreement about anther rabbis take on the commentaries of more commentaries . . . .

    • Cliff

      So I see that some things Christ wasn’t able to reform…

  • Cliff

    Christian, on the sign about AA meetings and smoking, in my town, the overwhelming majority of AA meetings are nonsmoking. There is increasing concern—in my opinion, valid concern—among people in recovery that, by tolerating smoking, recovery programs merely replace one toxic addiction with another.

    Many alcoholics who smoke picked up the habit in a recovery or detox program. Alcoholics who don’t smoke are just like other nonsmokers—they find it difficult and even unhealthy to spend an hour in confined quarters with people who are smoking. Many of them are desperate for meetings where smoking is not allowed.

    Another point: AA, Al-Anon, and other 12-step programs pride themselves on being self-sufficient, even to the point of having each meeting provide its own coffee and pay for the use of the room. (Sorry, but you did touch a nerve.)

    Still, for the church to put that message on its sign is insensitive—unchristian (in the lowercase sense), even. Why not “AA meetings held here are a breath of fresh air”?

  • Amy Wharton

    The copyright in the corner of the St. Andrew’s Lutheran says Erik Passoja, who is a comedian. Just wondering if this was written as a joke.