Your Virginity is YOURS – Not Your Daddy’s

I just came across this:

Golden Isles Father Daughter Purity Ball

You really should go to the link and look at the pictures. Let me give you some examples below:





Here’s the thing. I have nothing against a girl deciding not to have sex until marriage, but that needs to be her choice. It’s not her dad’s choice, not her pastor’s choice, not her mom’s choice, not anyone else’s choice. If a girl decides she wants to not have sex until marriage, it’s her choice. And you know what? If you decide you want to stay a virgin, your dad has nothing to do with it.

The whole father / daughter purity ball phenomenon preserves the idea that the father has some sort of special say or authority over his daughter’s sexuality. it is true that in the Old Testament men were to safeguard their daughters’ virginity, but that was because their daughters were, quite literally, their property. The thing is, it’s not 1000 BCE any more. It’s the twenty-first century, and today we recognize women as independent individuals who can make their own choices and decisions. Women are no longer property, and in that light, father / daughter purity covenants are just weird. Fathers do not own their daughters’ virginity.

I also have a problem with the fact that the purity ideal divides girls and young women into chaste virgins and total sluts. Purity balls put forward the idea that if you have sex, you are suddenly damaged goods. Your worth is tied to your virginity. This deserves repeating. In the purity culture created by purity rings and purity balls, your worth as a female becomes timed to your virginity. And you know what? Girls and young women are so much more than their virginity or lack of it, so much more.

There is a lot more I could say here, but frankly, I only have so much time. I’ll simply finish by pointing out that there are plenty of father / daughter purity balls, but no mother / son purity balls. Coincidence? I think not. It’s time we call foul and abandon this idea that fathers somehow own their daughters’ virginity for once and for all.

(Click here for a promo video for Vision Forum’s 2011 father daughter retreat.)

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About Libby Anne

Libby Anne grew up in a large evangelical homeschool family highly involved in the Christian Right. College turned her world upside down, and she is today an atheist, a feminist, and a progressive. She blogs about leaving religion, her experience with the Christian Patriarchy and Quiverfull movements, the detrimental effects of the "purity culture," the contradictions of conservative politics, and the importance of feminism.


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