A Response to a Failed Courtship—A Humorous Poem

In google searching for something totally unrelated, I came upon a humorous poem about a failed courtship. As someone raised in this mentality, I found it familiar—and quite funny—and thought I’d share. It’s written like a letter from a girl’s prospective suitor to her father, sent after learning (from the father, of course) that the girl had rejected his suit. And weirdly, this poem was posted approvingly on the website of Scott Brown, Vision Forum ally and courtship promoter extraordinaire.

Dear Sir,

I received your recent letter
explaining quite succinctly
that my efforts and my wooing
were received as you said, “weakly”

But I’m hoping that you’ll help me
In my first courtship post-mortem
It may shed some light on women
and how we young men should court them

I’d like to know where things went wrong
And why I failed to win her,
I followed all the steps spelled out
In my Homeschool Courtship Primer

I told her about my businesses
I’ve started thirty four
(My schemes are all pyramidal)
Semper Entrepreneur!

I made sure to be mature, reserved
A calm spirit is enough
But I also pounced on every chance
For me to strut my stuff

She saw me carry eighteen chairs
During worship service set up.
She saw me in my Pilgrim Hat
and my Robert E. Lee get up.

I left my iPod in plain sight
to display my manly measure
John Owen, Washer… Veggie Tales?
Well, that’s just a guilty pleasure

She knew I’m learning Hebrew
(It’s more difficult than Klingon)
But my ‘At yafa ahuvati’
Was to weak to put the ring on

In closing, let me just express
the depth of pain I feel
Like Geneva casting Calvin out
This wound may never heal

And though Boaz is broken hearted
for a Ruth he’ll never see
I’d also like to ask you
Is your younger daughter free?

About Libby Anne

Libby Anne grew up in a large evangelical homeschool family highly involved in the Christian Right. College turned her world upside down, and she is today an atheist, a feminist, and a progressive. She blogs about leaving religion, her experience with the Christian Patriarchy and Quiverfull movements, the detrimental effects of the "purity culture," the contradictions of conservative politics, and the importance of feminism.


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