Bill Gothard Defenders Center Obedience

Bill Gothard was taken down largely as a result of efforts by a website named Recovering Grace. This website was founded and run by alumni of Bill Gothard’s various ministry. They initially intended to focus on his theology and argue that he taught a pernicious brand of legalism that ignored or overshadowed the grace of God. Hence the name Recovering Grace. Ultimately, Gothard’s downfall was ensured as first one, then two, then dozens of women came to the Recovering Grace team with allegations of sexual harassment and sexual abuse by Bill Gothard. Recovering Grace told these women’s stories, and then, eighteen months ago, Gothard was forced to step down from ministry.

Gathered himself released a statement in April 2014. He wrote as follows:

This emphasis on outward appearance was also manifested by bringing selected young people to serve at the Headquarters and causing others to feel rejected and offended by my favoritism. My actions of holding of hands, hugs, and touching of feet or hair with young ladies crossed the boundaries of discretion and were wrong. They demonstrated a double-standard and violated a trust. Because of the claims about me I do want to state that I have never kissed a girl nor have I touched a girl immorally or with sexual intent.

You can read Recovering Grace’s response to Gothard’s statement here. While Gothard denied kissing anyone or claimed he had never touched a girl “immorally or with sexual intent,” what he does admit—“holding of hands, hugs, and touching of feet or hair with young ladies”—very clearly crosses the line into sexual harassment. Remember that we are talking about young women in his employ, and in many cases teenage girls who left their homes and families to come live in his compound and serve as his secretaries or personal assistants.

Remember that Gothard forbids this sort of contact between young men and young women, and even sent young people home from his compound when they violated his strict rules governing contact between the sexes. Gothard has sexualized every little touch between young people, and yet he claims that he touched young women’s hair, hands, and feet, and engaged in hugging with them, but that there was never sexual intent. Remember that Gothard’s followers practice side hugs between the sexes, a la the Duggars. That is how far male-female contact is controlled and regulated in these circles.

You would think Gothard’s admissions would seal the deal here. You would think his followers would read them and immediately see grievous guilt. Sadly, this is not the case for many. A number of Gothard’s followers have created a new website defending Bill Gothard. This website is named Discovering Grace, and in this case, the grace being discussed seems to have to do with overlooking Gothard’s misdeeds than anything else.

What I want to touch on is not the website’s content but rather some very serious irony in its framing. Here is the website’s byline:

The Freedom and Power in Christ to Obey and Overcome

While the organizers of this website may honestly believe that Gothard is innocent, their blindness to the absolute inappropriateness of centering obedience in this conversation suggests that they haven’t been listening—at all. Many of Gothard’s victims have explained the role obedience played in victimizing them—in rendering them unable to say “no” to Gothard’s advances. In fact, I would argue that obedience may have been the largest tool in Gothard’s arsenal as he went about sexually harassing and molesting young women in his employ.

There are other indications that the Discovering Grace team does not understand the dynamics of abuse, or the dynamics at play in this situation. For example, they feature stories of young women who had contact with Gothard but were never sexually harassed or otherwise abused. These testimonies are irrelevant, because they are based on the assumption that an abuser would abuse everyone they have contact with, when in fact abusers usually carefully select their victims while maintaining an upstanding profile with others around them, so as to discredit victims’ testimony should they come forward. Even confessing child molesters are often defended by their friends and supporters.

Let’s have a look at some more of Discovering Grace’s defense of Gothard:

Bill has not confessed to sexual harassment in any form, remains adamant that he was not morally improper in any way, whether legally defined as such or not. The matters he has addressed in past statements involve what most ministries consider normal boundaries for men counseling young ladies.

Bill is an idealist, and he has always considered himself in the role of a father to the young men and women under his care. As such he felt it appropriate to touch their shoulders or tap their feet in an affirming way, young men and women, and he has for 50 years held the hands of young ladies he is counseling as he speaks to their hearts, usually in front of others, in some cases large audiences.  His hours are 4AM to midnight and he fills every minute, including late night counseling, which sometimes was alone with the individual.  All that have observed this know that he always kept the windows uncovered, bright lights showing the room to all walking by.

My actual father does not take my hands in his or touch my shoulders or hair or tap my feet (what does that even mean?). I understand that fathers vary in how touchy feely they are, but the Discovering Grace team is describing playing footsie as a typical father thing when it’s not. They’re also wrong that these actions are considered “normal boundaries for men counseling young ladies.” I’m fairly certain that a middle aged male licensed therapist who made a habit of taking his young female clients’ hands in his while counseling them would get in trouble for such behavior.

In addition to not understanding the role obedience can play in priming victims for abuse or the predatory behavior of abusers in careful selecting their victims while retaining an upstanding profile around others, the Discovering Grace team also has no understanding of what physical boundaries are considered appropriate for counseling and therapy situations. That they can defend Gothard while promoting a variety of narratives that create conditions that facilitate abuse is appalling.