|A photo a blog reader sent me, of the “hands holding me up in prayer”|
I started this blog over a year ago. I had moved to a new country, and just had my third baby, and I was lonely. I never thought it would be anything much. Just a place to maybe chat with some people and maybe make a few friends, but it turned into much more than that.
After a few months, I re-discovered my love of writing, something I had believed I wasn’t able to do. And over as time went on, as I continued to write, I suddenly began tapping into feelings that I hadn’t allowed myself to feel. A visit down to see family last summer cracked open the dam, and my little mommy blog turned into something different, as I began writing about the big dilemma’s in my life. My background, my depression, my relationships and faith.
And I was blown away by your support and encouragement.
Writing tends to be a sort of free therapy for me. Sometimes nothing makes sense until I sit down and sort it out “on paper”. I write whatever is on my heart, whatever is bursting out of my mind. My writing moods have a life of their own. I will post a series of posts on Atheism and then a series of posts on God. I write a couple parenting posts and then my blog seems to revolve around abuse for a while. I may post every day for a time, and then when life gets crazy, slow down to once a week. I’m grateful that you all put up with me during the down cycles, listening to me ramble about depression or doubts.
So this is a thank you post for all of you.
I have received thousands of comments on this blog. Comments that have encouraged discovery, confirmed suspicions, and slowly increased my confidence. I’ve received hundreds of emails, with prayers, thoughts, book suggestions. Many of you have shared some of your story with me, giving me a glimpse into your life, and giving me hope in mine.
One reader sent me books that helped her through the early years of exhaustion in motherhood.
Another sent me a “Hug from God”.
This blog was the first place outside of my marriage where I was not afraid to be me. I’ve been doing much of the raw hard work figuring out who I am (instead of who I was told I had to be) right here. And that authenticity has been spilling into the rest of my life as well. Thank you for holding my hand. All of your emails, comments, and friendships have just shouted the message I needed to hear most,
“you are not alone!”
I’m heading out for a trip to visit family (and introduce them to Baby Boy) so I will be away from the computer more often than not. I probably won’t have time to post for a week or two, but I will check in on facebook or email here and there. I have so many half written blog posts I am dying to finish. But those pieces on Gentle Parenting Tools, further thoughts on motherhood, faith and self-discovery, and my upcoming series on how I left the fundamentalist/quiverfull/patriarchal mindset will just have to wait until I get back. Now I think I’m going to go review all of the great comments and advice you guys gave me last time I was nervous about a trip to visit family.