Caitlin O’Rourke on Nuns

Guest blogger Caitlin O’Rourke is a member of St Bridget’s, Church, High Dudgeon, New Jersey. Caitlin is eight years old.


I went to school yesterday for the first time I mean the first time in third grade because at St Bridget’s we start later than other schools and Fr. Florsheim was there and he’s our new priest and I really like him because he’s younger than the other one who was fat and had lots of hair in his nostrils even though he was kind of nice sometimes, but once he fell asleep in the confessional and Jimmy Pochowski was in there and when he heard father snoring he made up lots of stuff like he ran over a cat with the lawnmower and he robbed a bank and kidnapped ten babies and killed his grandmother and buried her in the backyard and Father just said your sins are forgiven go in peace anyway and Jimmy thought that was really funny and I did too until I remembered that it was a mortal sin and so I told Jimmy off and he tried to pinch me but I saw it coming anyway we have these new sisters who are different than old Sister Joan who wore a brown jumper that had a zip up the front and Aunt Margaret said it looked the uniform she once saw a woman in a mental home wear and I didn’t like her much because she always told us that the pope was just an ordinary man which everybody knows isn’t true anyway Sister Joan has gone into a rest home for old nuns now and we have these new Domino Sisters who wear nice long white robes and black long cloth head dresses that mom says are called wimples and they are all young and very happy and I like them a lot and one of them is my third grade teacher and they all have nice names which don’t sound like real names that their parents gave them they are not called Sister Joan or Sister Tracy but Sister Mary Maximillian or Sister Benedicta Teresa or Sister Mary Elephant which I like very much and think they’re very nice and holy and Flora and me both want to be nuns only I don’t think I would be a very good one because sometimes I don’t like to pray that much and I was picking a scab once during prayers when Sister Joan saw me and made a face at me that reminded me of a cat that I saw once when it was eating a chipmunk and Jimmy says that his sister Margaret told him that they are called Domino nuns from Nashville because they like Country Western music and because they all get their money from a man who once ran Domino’s pizza and is very rich I don’t know about that but my new teacher is called Sister Mary Albert and when I heard Jimmy Pochowski calling her Fat Albert I kicked him hard and I don’t feel bad about it because he should learn some respect.

About Fr. Dwight Longenecker
  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17879273326034884153 Kathy

    Wow, I'm out of breath just reading that.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17618337853095903802 Jo Anne

    "…I kicked him hard and I don't feel bad about it because he should learn some respect."Ah yes, third grade justice! I remember it well. Thank you, Father!You are in my prayers specifically in this Year of Priests…I will also include mention of your safe travels and return(s) home. Thank you for all you do.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17387698013828199070 Joshua

    VERY good. ROTFL!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11153355585571358736 truthfinder

    Priceless! Please stop: I can't breathe!! :) Rosemary in Missouri

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08353696433987975754 Karen

    Sister Mary Elephant! Too funny. This is like listening to my daughter ramble on with no end in sight (only my kid isn't mean like Caitlin). You're clearly in touch with your inner third grade girl, Father.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07932665331766567610 jedesto

    Caitlin's nuns' names reminded me of the story from Ireland of the retired priest whose few remaining duties inclused confessing a community of cloistered nuns at a nearby convent. Late one Saturday afternoon the priest stopped for refreshment at a pub on the way. He was feeling no pain by the time he rang the bell at the convent gate, and it was already dusk, but someone inside opened the grill and the following exchange ensued:"Who's there?""And who's askin'?""Sister Mary Margaret of the Blessed Sacrament, Exposed; who's there?""Father Paul of the Pascal Candle, Lit!"

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12580335260896569119 buck

    It's good to see you're a fan of Cheech & Chong. As St. Dominic always said, "O filii me bony belly, dominus vobiscum, belly selleth all his dominos."

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03516444685469895837 Andy

    Priceless!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00401320931083843046 K

    Father, of all your alter-egos, I like Caitlin the best. And Mantilla next. Thanks :-)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06618318192221168152 Mary333

    Funny! Very! But the "picking the scab during prayer" has got to go! Yuk! What a mental picture this makes. My daughter just started school and there were only two rules in her first grade class:1. No picking your nose2. No eating itHow's that for a mental picture!And yes, I'm serious. She couldn't wait to tell me this.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15000747762174079070 PraiseDivineMercy

    Did you write this or is it real?I'm serious, this is pretty accurate.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12373317560249811006 Fr Longenecker

    Caitlin O'Rourke is my latest alter ego.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00098504849466846551 Arkanabar T’verrick Ilarsadin

    As so many others have justly said, Caitlin O'Rourke is delightful!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08801584133028591211 Laura R.

    The Nashville Dominican sisters will doubtless be much better for Caitlin that the outdated ("progressive") ones.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15298459502431357489 ben

    Genius!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15261940312418634427 WordWench

    I love Caitlin! She sounds so much like what I remember of third grade. The confession episode is priceless!

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