Caitlin O’Rourke Goes to Camp

I told my mom I didn’t want to go but she made me go anyway because she said I was getting on her nerves and I told her I was sorry about putting wet plaster from my craft project down the garbage disposal I thought it would just wash it away and didn’t know it would go hard like that so fast so when Contance Kraus asked if I would go to camp with her for a week my mom said I had to go even though I don’t really like Constance and mom doesn’t like her family either because they go to the Overbrook Bible Church and hate Catholics and Aunt Margaret met them one time at a piano recital and Mom said at least they were always smiling and Aunt Margaret said that wasn’t a smile it was a snarl which made me laugh out loud and spit my lemonade all over Frankie which made him start crying and I got the blame for that too so anyway I went to camp with Constance and nobody told me that it was going to be a Bible camp named HeKeMeSi and everybody was either a cowboy or an Indian and Constance and I were Indians and we lived in a teepee and had to go to use an outhouse and there were mosquitos everywhere and I got sunburnt very bad and when we were playing capture the flag I stepped in a yellowjacket nest and got stung everywhere even under my shorts which hurt a lot and I didn’t know you would swell up that much just from a little bit of poison ivy but all that wasn’t too bad and I did have fun especially when we covered the counselor’s pillow with calomine lotion and when she put her face in it she looked like Bozo the Clown and even though it was kind of fun canoeing and stuff the worst thing was that we had to have a Bible study for a whole hour every day and all the other girls had big black Bibles with zippers and the words of Jesus in red print and I forgot to bring a Bible and they all knew how to find Hezekiah and the Book of Philippines and knew all the Bible stories about Zacheus and Zipporah Sodom and Gomorrah and Lot’s wife turning into a pillar of salt and when they found out I was Catholic they made fun of me and told me I was going to hell because I worshipped Mary and prayed to statues and then Constance wouldn’t play with me anymore so I had to go horse riding by myself with a big fat girl named Shandy who was homesick so then I remembered that Aunt Margaret had given me a special package which she told me to open only when things were very bad and when I opened it inside was a special little statue of the Little Flower who I like very much and a candle and a holy card with the Sacred Heart of Jesus so I put St Therese and the Holy Card up by my bed in the cabin and every night I lit the candle and before bed started to kneel down and say a Hail Mary and an our Father and I started feeling better and then MaryRose who is a very nice girl in the Sasquatch cabin said she used to be a Catholic and could she say the rosary with me just using ten fingers and so during campfire when we were supposed to go forward and get saved we just went for a walk in the woods and the moonlight was beautiful and Catherine said her Grandpa told her that Our Lady was like the moon because she reflects the glory of the Son so everything worked out ok but I’m not going back next year even if Contance’s mother pays for it.

New Guest Blogger Flora Harper
Duane Mandible on Welcoming Grays
Mantilla the Hon on the Cappa Magna
Mantilla the Hon on the Crystal Cathedral
  • Karen

    Poor Caitlin. I think this is the first time I've ever felt sorry for her. What on earth was her mom thinking sending her to a protestant camp?

  • laurazim

    Baptism by fire, Caitlin! Atta girl!!

  • Elizabeth

    This girls got spunk. She's a bit of a wild card but I see lots of potential. If you can just get her interested in the Bible I think she will do well.

  • Joe (Defend Us In Battle)

    Ok… seriously, can we host Caitlin for a week, or a month? We live in Alaska, and we could show her a CAMP life, and she could sleep inside and everything.I reall like her attitude, and could use the help cleaning up some of the heterodoxy around here :)All she has to pay for is the plane ticket, we will cover the rest!

  • Dr. Eric

    I must read the Book of the Philippines.

  • JD Curtis

    Off Topic…Fr. Dwight,At the risk of resembling something along the lines of self-promotion, I would be honored if you, as a former Anglican, would stop by and check my latest entry entitled Is it Important Whether George Washington Took Communion or Not? (Time permitting, of course).Now back to your regularly scheduled blogging…

  • Nârwen

    Some years ago, I actually heard a lector at Mass announce "A reading from the letter of St. Paul to the Philippines "Even odder was the time I heard that Abraham went to "Moria" to sacrifice Isaac…

  • jedesto

    Narwen,Some years ago, an usher at our church approached me shortly before Sunday Mass and asked whether I could be a lecture. I surrendered to the temptation to take him literally, and answered honestly, "No."

  • jedesto

    Fr. Dwight,As fond as I am of Caitlin, could you please find a picture taken of her since her first Holy Communion?

  • Just another mad Catholic

    Caitlin is one coool chick :), seriously though to have taken on all those fundies by herself must have been something.

  • truthfinder

    Recently, I heard a lector say that David's band of warriors destroyed the "Mennonites". :)

  • Suburbanbanshee

    Some camps don't actually come right out and say that they're religious or denominational in their brochures. Come to think of it, our archdiocese's summer camp (RIP) didn't actually say that it was Catholic in its brochure, back in the 70's. (Although obviously, one didn't get the brochure except through the archdiocese; and I don't think any non-Catholics attended unless they were in Catholic families.)And I guess the habited sisters in the brochure were kind of a giveaway. :)