Caitlin O’Rourke is Back to School

Guest blogger Caitlin O’Rourke is a member of St Bridget’s, Church, High Dudgeon, New Jersey. Caitlin is eight years old.

Sister Hagatha is my new teacher and I know her name is really Sister Mary Agatha but Flora’s little sister Jennette called her Sister Mary Hagatha when we were riding home from school on the first day and then Jimmy Pochowski did too and so now everybody calls her Sister Hag and Jimmy even called her that to her face and we all laughed and her face got red and she puffed her cheeks out and you could see her little mustache and nobody likes her not even Father Florsheim who likes everybody you can see he doesn’t because when we asked him if he liked Sister Mary Agatha he said everybody has strong points and we should try very hard to like her which means he doesn’t like her either and I can’t believe how much homework she gives us and if you do something wrong in class she makes you stay in from recess and write the act of contrition ten times and when I did I wrote it backwards on purpose and she couldn’t make me do it again because I had written it like she said and anyway I didn’t put the cheese pimento sandwich on her chair on purpose and how did I know she was going to sit on it and leave a big orange spot on her backside and that Jimmy was going to yell out sisters sat on something when she turned to write on the board and that everyone would start laughing and I laughed so hard I fell off my chair and knocked over the table with the Holy Family on it and the flowers and candle and everything and the vase broke which was ugly but Melinda’s mother gave it and everybody doesn’t like it because it’s purple and the water spilled too and that made everyone else laugh even more and then Sister was so mad she came to grab me and slipped on the water from the flowers and fell on her backside so Aunt Margaret had to come to pick me up from detention because Mom was at the hospital with granny again and when I told her she said she was just the same when she was in school except that she would have put the sandwich on sister’s chair on purpose and if sister didn’t like children she never should have become a teacher in the first place but she said I should still try to like Sister Agatha because at least she was a proper nun and not like Sister Joan who used to wear brown dresses that zipped up the front and sandals with socks and burned candles that smelled bad and went on retreats about praying with dolphins so Aunt Margaret made me promise to be nice to Sister and not call her Hagatha anymore and I will try and make it my New Years resolution but I bet not eating chocolate cake for a whole year would be easier and I told Flora and she said she would try too but Jimmy Pochowski said he would still call her Sister Hag because she was one and he wasn’t going to go to confession either and I told him that if he wasn’t nice to her then I would tell Father Florsheim and he wouldn’t be able to be an altar server anymore because Father Florsheim is very strict with the altar servers and makes them wear black lace up shoes and everything and if they come to church with sneakers on he makes them sit with their mother instead of serving.

Mantilla the Hon on the Use of Incense
Duane Mandible on Welcoming Grays
Mantilla the Hon on the Crystal Cathedral
Mantilla the Hon on the Cappa Magna
  • priest’s wife

    Take a breath Caitlin!Kids are cruel- Sister Marcella (just 1 of 2 sisters at the school)was called Monstrella behind her back. I didn't BUT I was lazy in her chemistry class- only "C" in all high school- I probably earned a D

  • the Egyptian

    who ho, she's BAAAACK, Oh heavens I just love that kid, always had a soft spot for kids with spunk, even my own, and by the way father if this is preaching to choir, have at it, great to have you back

  • Just another mad Catholic

    I love Caitlin and her mad stories :), if only she were real and not a figment of Father's imagination I would love to be her little brother – She sounds a BIT like the little flower at that age :)

  • Anthony Brett Dawe

    when newbies came to my schoolwe asked:'the beetles or the stones?'which is best?answer sealed one's fateon the precept thatthe way things start, they continue

  • shadowlands

    'if they come to church with sneakers on he makes them sit with their mother instead of serving.'Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!!!!!!!I love Caitlin. She just seems really normal to me???????

  • Mike Cliffson

    plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose:Fr : this could have been my British innercity catholic primary ( half the class's dad had either been in prison, was, or was going to be) in the 50s! Is it really still the same?One thing I now appreciate , but did NOT at the time: the penny catechism by was beaten into us: the wrong way to teach it by, JUST like this nun, it could have been her twin sister, micro moustache and all, but given that they were going to teach SOMETHING badly, better it bethe catechism, if you get me.And of course pre-dolphins – and in justice to nuns, we had the one mentioned above, one a good deal more passable, and we had one really ace holy fun nun who gave us interalia an overview of history like never before nor since nor any of my eleven kids have had.

  • Anthony Brett Dawe

    obviously any orthodox catholickwould answerthe stones'beetles' refers to the old guys that bury people in english churchyards… who said 'we will bury you' , eh? geddit? john 'lenin'need i say more…we know it's only smoke and incensebut WE LIKE IT!!! like it , yes we do…

  • Suburbanbanshee

    Our mean nun was named Leonille. Kicked us under the desk on occasion. Took my Obi-Wan figure away. Not all bad, but we could never really figure her MO out, like you could most teachers.We also had a nice old German nun who wasn't allowed to teach; she had to watch the lunchroom door, and people were pretty mean to her and called her a Nazi. I don't know why they let that go on, but the way they let some kids bully kids, it's not surprising they'd let some kids bully a nun too.

  • Dr. Eric

    I'm glad that I never went to Catholic school. I would have hated being taught by Sister Hagatha or Sister Joan.