Todd Unctious on the Egyptian Revolution

Guest blogger Todd Unctuous is top commentator for MSM. With a degree in Media Studies from Scranton Community College, Todd writes for many papers and websites, and is known for his incisive writing, objective reporting and razor sharp comment.

 The people of Egypt have been oppressed long enough by the cruel dictator Hosni Mubarak. At last the ordinary men and women are rising up to claim their rights as citizens of Egypt and citizens of the free world. It is no surprise to discover that this dictator has been propped up by the oil thirsty, profit grabbing right wing regime of the Bush family over the years.

“Let the people of Egypt starve–as long as we can have cheap oil!” is the cry of the tea party activists. Now at last the noble sons and daughters of King Tut and the other pharaohs who built the pyramids are claiming their own legacy of freedom. They are shaking off the chains of oppression and will soon be able to elect their own leaders, who will be able to lead them. As the BeeGees once sang, “We will overcome!” There is a future for Egypt. As Judy Garland always sang so poignantly, it is ‘Somewhere over the Rainbow.”

What is over the Rainbow? What does the future hold for the huddled masses yearning to breathe free in Egypt? The main thing to remember is that they themselves must be the masters (and mistresses) of their destiny. Many in the West fear that Egypt will become another Iran and that Muslim extremists may take over the country. I myself, do not fear such a result. We must remember that the terrorists are only responding to attacks on their own homelands by armed aggressors. This is not to excuse their tactics, for what they do is inexcusable. Sending young men on airliners with bombs in their underpants is an act of desperation. No, these terrorists are no real threat. If we enter into dialogue with them surely common sense will prevail and they will see that we wish them nothing but peace. In fact, as it is commonly known, Islam is a religion of peace, and if the negotiators like Hilary Clinton can help them to understand their own faith better I see no reason why (as John Denver once sang) we can’t “give peace a chance.”

This is not to dismiss the reality that in the Middle East religion is a subject of importance for many people. I am not myself a religious man, but I do respect people like Mahatma Gandhi, the Rev. Joel Osteen and Vice President Joe Biden who have a strong faith. In the Middle East there are religious fanatics to be sure, but are the Muslims really the villains? I look to the radical Jews of the Zionist state of Israel. Surely with their well financed military machine they are the real threat in the region? I am not a believer in conspiracy theories, but it is difficult to avoid the conclusion that the fantastically wealthy Jewish banking families are supporting the Jewish state who keep oppressing the Palestinian people. Finally, we must ask who is in a secret alliance with these groups?

Any sensible person must lay the blame at the doorstep of the Vatican city. Who can forget the pictures of Pope Pius XIII meeting with Hitler, who so mercilessly slaughtered so many innocent Jews? The present Pope, who was a member of the Hitler youth must also be part of the plot against the Jews, who have done nothing more than ask for their own homeland after centuries of persecution. The Vatican Bank, corrupt for many years, is one of the groups that is funding Islamic terrorism in the Middle East, trying to undermine the Islamic religion by portraying it as extremist.

This must be defeated at all costs, and the benevolent rule of Hosni Mubarak and his team of dedicated ministers must be upheld. This is important to us to protect our vital interests in the region, and to bring stability and peace to an area of the world that will always be troubled as long as religion–which always breeds bigotry and violence–reigns supreme in that troubled land.

Todd Unctous is forty two. 

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  • David

    Todd is living in a world that is devoid of facts and filled with opinion…do some homework before you write.

  • Gail F

    HA HA HA, my favorite line: "I am not myself a religious man, but I do respect people like Mahatma Gandhi, the Rev. Joel Osteen and Vice President Joe Biden who have a strong faith." (BTW, David and others who might agree with him: Todd Unctious is not a real person.)Glenn Beck was going on and on today about "the coming insurrection." Now I do not for a moment think this is the case. But it's pretty scary when the only place you hear about what is going on in a variety of Muslim countries right now is on one of Glenn Beck's "sometimes I really AM a wacko" segments. The regular news seems to be ignoring a lot of it and attributing the rest to "young people who have no jobs." Yeah, that's it. Meanwhile, Bill Clinton is giving speeches in which he says that Israel should accept overtures from various Muslim countries because "it's the best they've ever been offered" — hmm, that doesn't telegraph a message from his WIFE, the SECRETARY OF STATE, does it? Our foreign policy is a mess. I'm very worried. The White House does not seem to have a handle on it at all.


    ready or not, I didn't see you coming! LOL

  • Altar Ego

    Fr. Longnecker – although I like the concept of "faux news" very much – I'm concerned that people who do not know the background on "Todd Unctious" may come across this post through a search engine and get the wrong idea about you AND the Catholic Church – perhaps a disclaimer would be a good addition!!!

  • Fr Longenecker

    Every time Todd appears I try to make him so totally stupid that no one will be deceived, but alas, people still think he's authentic.The disclaimer with Todd is always there at the bottom where the reader is encouraged to 'learn more about him'…

  • Sheep 1

    I really love your blog, a lot. However, I tend to agree with Altar Ego on this one especially. I think this crisis in the Middle East could be very serious and I'm not sure joking about it is such a good idea.It also seems to me that people are getting dumber and more gullible all the time. Your readers probably don't fall into that group, but who knows?Thanks again for all the ways in which you inspire and enlighten us. I'm so glad you are still blogging. Kay

  • Max.

    Todd Unctious is the name of the priest who attempted to steal the Golden Cleric award from Fr. Ted Crilly.Do I win a prize?

  • Palmetto Papist

    Has Todd met Duane?

  • Fr Longenecker

    Todd and Duane are twins

  • Jaci

    I have been very fond of your blog, but I am ending my subscription today. Your mocking, dismissive portrayal (trying to make your post "as stupid as possible") of people who see hope in Egypt finally becoming a true democracy both shows an incredible ignorance of the region, and is a shameful witness of the Christian faith*. Educate yourself. Turn away from mocking what you clearly fail to understand. If you won't do that, then stop talking. You are hurting Christ's body by acting this way.*By the way, MANY of the protesters in Egypt are Christian (see here for example), and while there are some Muslim extremists involved in the protests, the Egyptians have been very deliberate in refusing to make this a Muslim movement (see, for example, here:

  • Fr Longenecker

    Jaci, I'm not mocking the Egyptians or the democracy movement, or Christians or Muslims. In fact, I'm not commenting on the actual crisis at all.I'm mocking shallow, stupid mainstream media reporters. Notice that Todd is in favor of the uprising at the beginning of his post and is opposed to the 'cruel dictatorship' and by the end he is upholding the 'benevolent rule' of Hosni Mubarak.I think you missed the point.

  • Jaci

    He also says "Many in the West fear that Egypt will become another Iran and that Muslim extremists may take over the country. I myself, do not fear such a result," indicating that only a fool would feel that way. Later he says that "Islam is a religion of peace," so apparently that is also an ignorant thing to say.*In another place you say that "The main thing to remember is that they themselves must be the masters (and mistresses) of their destiny." What makes statements like these "as stupid as possible?"*I will give you that it is an overly simplistic claim, but it's certainly better than typical claims that Islam is inherently violent and dangerous. If you wish to reject both claims, then it would be far more effective to do so in a nuanced post, rather than a broad, mocking one.

  • Jaci

    Maybe none of that was intentional, but please realize that there are an enormous number of incredibly damaging assumptions about the Middle East and Islam in the West right now. As you are someone with a very real level of influence, I beg you to realize that perpetuating those stereotypes, even unintentionally, can do significant harm.

  • Fr Longenecker

    Jaci, the whole thing is satire.It is not a comment on the Middle East.It is making fun of dumb journalists who perpetrate the damaging assumptions about the Middle East that you and I both lament.

  • Jaci

    I realize that it is satire. I am objecting to some of the beliefs that you consider deserving of mockery.

  • Gina

    John Denver's Give Peace A Chance…that is the best.

  • Gina

    One more thing, Father—being that I'm of Middle Eastern descent, I thought I'd chime in to give some of your commenters a little piece of mind in knowing that Todd has not caused me any significant harm, nor do I recognize anything in this piece of satire as stereotypical of any Middle Easterner that I know would find offensive or questionable.In fact, after re-reading the piece I am much more convinced that Todd has done far more harm to the mainstream media, particularly the evening news which seems to be where he got all of his contradicting information. I am appalled at how bad the coverage has been. They have no clue as to what's going on over there—Locally there is a young Egyptian woman attending college here whose parents are in Egypt right now. She has been very open with the press, and after she talked about how she hasn't been able to talk with her parents since the internet blackout she began explaining what is going on there, when the morons from the news cut her off to talk about the Superbowl ???? IT'S MONDAY! THE SUPERBOWL IS NOT UNTIL SUNDAY, and there is a major crisis in the middle east, and they had a GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY to get a first hand account of what's going on there, and they cut it off???? Father, you get an A+ on this one.

  • Sandy O’Seay

    Father, Fear not, those who don't understand the art and power of satire, which some say is the highest art form, would form company with the critics of Swift and Chesterton. The latest Unctuous column is splendid.

  • Jaci

    I will say it one more time, and then move on: I fully realize that this is satire. Some things should not be satirized. That is my objection.

  • Steve

    Jaci, Fr. L mocks many ideas and people whom he does not understand, including lots of Protestants and progressive Catholics…This despite the fact that he used to be a Protestant: first of the Bob Jones variety, then Anglican (before his evident fear of women priests lured him into the Catholic church). It is his blog, so he has a right to post what he wishes, but it is indeed unfortunate that he seems compelled to suggest that good Catholics must all hold views similar to his own. His "love it or leave it" approach is inherently anti-intellectual, not withstanding how well-educated Fr. L may be. (All the more a pity, really.)

  • Fr Longenecker

    Steve, I may have a penchant for satire and fun. Need you be so very serious? Come now, crack a smile.In fact, do I not poke fun at conservative Catholics as well as 'liberals'? I think I do. Furthermore, I'm quite happy to laugh at myself and my own views.I don't think my views are anti intellectual at all, and I must disagree with you about not understanding those with whom I disagree.As you say, I have been an Evangelical fundamentalist. I've been an Anglican. I know both worlds very well indeed and understand them from the inside.But you are welcome here as all are, and I am glad you visit and comment from time to time–even if your comments do have a sort of serious self consciousness about them.

  • d.s.

    I would rate this great piece of satire! and ahem! Joe Biden a person of strong faith?????!! On Ash Wednesday when you can see Joe sporting a large ash across his forhead….it gives one pause……….We are in a spiral downward…..a meltdown….Will people in this country rebel as the Egyptian's are? only when the heat gets hot enough in enough people's lives….massive foreclosures, job losses abundant..prices through the roof….it all brings one to one's knees or despair.Diane S.