Duane Mandible on Humor in Religion

Guest blogger, Duane Mandible is a contributing editor to The Truth Hurts, a bi-monthly journal of politics, economics and opinion. He also contributes regularly to Freedom Monthly; Illuminations and The Sojourner. Duane is the author of Guns and Knives will Save Your Children’s Lives. He is Vice President of the Sacred Society of St Philibustre, and enjoys hunting rattlesnakes, square dancing and watching re runs of comedy classics. He is unmarried.

During this most holy season of Lent it has been drawn to my attention that there are certain ‘Novus Ordo’ priests who write blogs rather than occupying their time saying Mass and ministering to the faithful. It does not come as a surprise to me that this is so. Along with the innovations of the timeless Mass which were instituted by the Freemason ‘Pope’ Roncalli came the insidious idea of ‘aggiornomento’ which means ‘opening up the windows’. With this seemingly harmless idea he and his successor, the ineffectual Montini brought the whole demonic modern world into the ancient Catholic Church. Suddenly you saw priests wearing jeans, nuns listening to the radio and Catholic school children started to chew gum.

Furthermore, certain of these ‘priests’ not only write blogs rather than reading their breviary, but they seek to ‘entertain’ their readers with ‘humor’. Since when is a priest ordained to make people laugh? Did Our Lord laugh? No. The gospel says, “Jesus wept. We never have one verse that says, “Jesus laughed.” This priestly ‘humor’ takes the form of lighthearted joking about sacred things. Often these priests even stoop to a form of humor called satire–which (I am told) is a sophisticated form of mockery which is only bitter sarcasm under a different name. These Novus Ordo priests believe that their blogs are ‘methods of evangelization’ when we can see that they are no more than vainglorious and shallow artifices designed to bolster their petty attempts at fame. Through their blogs they shamelessly sell their books, pander to their crowds of adoring readers (who are mostly women) and seek out more and more attention for themselves.

Recently one ‘blogger’ discussed in a lighthearted way the role of women in the church. Never once did he mention the Blessed Virgin, and never once did he point out the ancient tradition that women are, by nature, unclean and should be barred from the sanctuary because of their ritual uncleanness. We in the Society of St Filibustre maintain the most ancient traditions of the church and not only insist that our women wear proper head coverings to the Holy and Divine Liturgy in the Western Ambrosianic Rite (non collegian) but the females are also required to sit on benches along the wall and wear the ankle length black robe called the Magdalene which reminds them of their lower order of their existence.

The Society of St Filibustre does not allow women to be altar servers, lectors or ‘special Eucharistic ministers.’ As Mgr. Donald Rickles has written, “Women’s place in the church is on their knees–either praying or scrubbing the floor.” Only when women are in this role do they show the true glory of women–by showing the rest of us the true virtues of humility and submission.

I make this appeal to all those Catholics who have been deceived by the ‘papal’ pronouncements of the anti popes Wotyla and Ratzinger–return to the true church! Do not put up with girl altar servers wearing lipstick and dangly earrings! Do not accept the buttoned maniple! Only when the Western Ambrosianic Rite (non collegian) is restored in all it’s glory will the Catholic Church once again be purged of the sickening novelty of priests writing blogs, joking and using satire and mocking holy things. Only when the ancient traditions are restored will Lent once more be the holy and solemn season that it is meant to be.

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  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06405021835510775527 Mike Cliffson

    Daune gone mum on the inane failures who attempt even wuss n unGodlier humour in these here priestbloggers' comboxes? I for one am not fooled: Fr Longenecker has obviously censored Duane's original tract.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02082723705687057148 justamouse

    "Did Our Lord laugh? No. The gospel says, "Jesus wept.""*chortles*

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17691145638703824456 kkollwitz

    'aggiornomento' which means 'opening up the windows'Duane knows his Eyetalian f'sure.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06962374096401238994 shadowlands

    Hear! Hear Duane! Reading his wise words, made me ponder if women should be allowed to read blogs, let alone comment on them.Better if they asked their husbands if there is anything that might be of use for their soul's sanctification contained therein on certain posts.If they are not married, they should remain kneeling and as Duane suggests, continue to work or pray, thereby speeding up their hopeful, early departure, to heaven!Married women might be required to live a little longer, should their husband's have use of them ofcourse, cooking, child rearing, general pleasant disposition, in which case a vitamin supplement might be considered a good stewardship of funds and not excessively indulgent. Yes the world of Duane is a world with less pain….He should be made the C.E.O of Rome, today!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07932665331766567610 jedesto

    Mike Cliffson,"…Fr Longenecker has obviously censored Duane's original tract."Alas, Fr is not fooled, either; however, where else would one find The Source?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16755451910550815629 Richard

    You are 10 days too late with this post. Very Goood!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01715690632758132549 Denita

    I have been going over your archives, and now I begin to see what this blog is about. Sorry I took things so seriously before. I need to lighten up. Maybe I should go to Confession? LOL

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12373317560249811006 Fr Longenecker

    Denita, welcome aboard! there is serious stuff, but I try to throw in some humor and satire too…

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17618337853095903802 Jo Anne

    St Anne, St Anne, send me a man…..just not one like Duane :)I think I know why dear old Duane is still unmarried.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06405021835510775527 Mike Cliffson

    Jedesto Source for the goose is source for the gander

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05760811099638029256 john

    mmmm… can someone enlighten me and let me know if this guy duane is actually serious or if his ramblings are actually meant to be just a joke,cause if he is serious this guy makes sharia law seem so sensible.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11740482509910163332 Gail F

    HA HA HA!!! Duane sure knows how to put those anti-popes in their place!!Gotta go put on my Magdalene and sit on the bench now –

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12373317560249811006 Fr Longenecker

    John, Duane Mandible is one of my alter egos. These are 'guest bloggers' I have made up to make fun of certain types–in this case a looney ultra right wing traddy Catholic conspiracy theory nut.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12174216931994007781 Wendy

    Fr. Longenecker, I at first thought, "surely, this guy is kidding…" but I caught on as soon as I saw "the anti-popes Wojtyla and Ratzinger" and "the Ambrosian Rite restored to all its glory."Then I guffawed.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04488655902681432534 BurgoFitzgerald

    If Duane WERE ever to get married, his wife would end up out in the backyard twirling around in the sprinklers, rubbing Crisco into her hair, and humming "Oranges and Lemons". Mr. Mandible made me laugh and try to hold back a frightening chill running down my back.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05760811099638029256 john

    ohhhh… thanks father now i get it (feeling a little foolish now lol)went back over the article it is quite funny, just came across your website and blog very recently and finding it very helpful especially the articles about apologetics finding myself coming back quite regularly keep it up, and loving your sense of humour, god bless.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04933808396917207055 Sharon

    I know a real guy like this! My mother is in charge of flowers for her Tridentine church and this fellow was underfoot last Easter mumbling about how we (mother and oldest daughter) shouldn't be in the sanctuary placing vases of flowers because we are women. At one point, I got so exasperated with him that I was going to tell him that since my mother and I weren't menstruating at the time we weren't unclean, but I refrained because I love my ma and didn't want to embarrass her. Here's to hoping he won't be back this year…..

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11549748123082669933 James

    Father, your alter ego is as realistic as they come. Many are the conversations I have had with "traddies" and they are just like that – wear you out! They think they are only real Catholics and rest of us freemason-fooled heretics or, as one traddie blogger called us "neo-catholics".