Duane Mandible on the Last Pope


Guest blogger, Duane Mandible is a contributing editor to The Truth Hurts, a bi-monthly journal of politics, economics and opinion. He also contributes regularly to Freedom Monthly; Illuminations and The Sojourner. Duane is the author of Guns and Knives will Save Your Children’s Lives. He is Vice President of the Sacred Society of St Philibustre, and enjoys hunting rattlesnakes, square dancing and watching re runs of comedy classics. He is unmarried.

It is with great interest that we in the Sacred Society of St Philibustre have observed the election in Rome this week of “Cardinal” Jorge Mario Bergooglio as “Pope” Francis. Of course we are saddened that our own Pope Linus has been rejected by the “Conclave of Cardinals” but it was to be expected. We who  hold to the ancient traditions of the church are used to being persecuted by the purveyors of clown masses.

In his first appearance on the balcony and first Mass we have already seen how Pope Francis has betrayed the minimal reforms in the liturgy pioneered by the timorous academic Joseph Ratzinger. The mozzarella was not worn, nor was the cappa magnesium. The triple tiara was left in the museum, and on his feet he did not wear the slipperia rubum. The seedy gestatoria was not restored nor the peacock fans. At Mass in the Sixteen Chapel I noticed that neither the buttoned, nor the more ancient be-ribboned maniple was worn. He also did not stand up very straight. “Pope Francis” as he has called himself, is clearly another impostor and an anti-pope. Our own Pope Linus will soon be issuing a statement from his home in Bishop’s Stortford in England regarding this pretender to the chair of St Peter. In it he will stress the importance of the Western Ambrosianic Rite (non-collegian) and the institution of the be-ribboned maniple.

What interests me more than these liturgical innovations and infractions (which we have come to expect from the post Vatican II Novus Ordo Church) was the fact that Pope Francis clearly fulfills the prophecies of St Malachy. These earth shattering prophecies from the Old Testament minor prophet Malachy reveal that this is the last pope before the end of time. As the prophecies state, “Petrus Romanus will reign before the sun falls from the sky and then after the great persecution the great judge will come.”

You may well ask how a Pope from Argentina who’s name is Jorge and who takes the name Francis may be seen to be “Petrus Romanus” or “Peter the Roman.” We must remember that prophetic language is always cryptic and ambiguous. It takes some discernment to ascertain the true and certain meaning. The clue is in the name he has assumed. The full name of St Francis was Francis di Pietro di Bernadone. The middle name “Pietro” means “Peter” in Italian. Although Pope Francis comes from Argentina, he is the son of an Italian railway worker, and therefore he is a true Italian not Argentinian. The capital of Italy is Rome, and all Italians consider themselves Romans at heart. Therefore it is clear that he is the “Petrus Romanus” of Malachy’s prophecy.

Furthermore when Pope Francis stepped onto the balcony he spoke of his love for “this beautiful city” of Rome and most intriguingly said that the cardinals had chosen him “from the ends of the earth.” This cryptic phrase can also be understood as “from the end of the world” indicating that as “Supreme Pontiff” he knows that the end is nigh. In addition to this, the name “Jorge” is the Spanish equivalent of “George” and St George is the patron saint of Britain, of which the ancient “emerald isle” of Ireland is a part and from which St Malachy originated. The pope’s given middle name is “Mario” which indicates that he is one of the “Mario Brothers” of video game fame. These were inspired by Italian mafioso figures–a sinister undercurrent to what seems to be a humble and simple papal candidate. Finally the name “Begooglio” connects him with the internet giant “Google” who control the information gathered by millions across the world thus providing intelligence for the one world “Novus Ordo” New World Order. I don’t think it can be any clearer that this new pope is part of the Freemason/Bilderburgher/Mormon conspiracy of which the singer Donnie Osmond and the politician Mitt Romney play a part.

I do not say this to you my dear friends to alarm you in any way, but to remind you that there is still time to turn to the one true church in which there is salvation: the Sacred Society of St Philibustre. If you would like more information please contact our Archpriest and Universal Potentate– The Right Rev and Most Blessed Major (ret’d) Donald Rickles through our website: true church.com

If you are interested you can use the ‘categories’ tool in the right sidebar to follow the rest of Duane Mandible’s fascinating theories.


Gimme That Ole Time Religion
Mantilla the Hon on the Cappa Magna
Todd Unctuous on the Synod of Bishops
Duane Mandible on Welcoming Grays
  • Jack

    Father I think that mocking trads through Duane is not a charitable action on your part at a time when lots of them are worried that their legitimate desire to worship the way thier Father’s did will be once again suppressed

  • Sharbin

    Please tell me that Duane Mandible isn’t real. Fr. Longenecker I just heard you on the Sonrise morning show and thought of checking your blog. What exactly is this post supposed to mean? You have me quite confused.

  • Fr. Dwight Longenecker

    Duane Mandible is one of several ‘alter egos’ who appear as guest bloggers. If you want to learn more check the tags ‘Humor’ and ‘Alter Egos’ and if you want to read more of Duane’s posts use the ‘categories’ tool in the right sidebar.

  • FW Ken

    Donald Rickles? Indeed, Father! B-)

  • AnneG

    Fr L, did you write this or copy it from some com boxes? I’ve read a lot of this elsewhere. Duane is so right he’s scary! Bwahahahahaha!

  • http://manwithblackhat.blogspot.com/ David L Alexander

    As one who attends the Traditional Mass almost exclusively, and is a master of ceremonies on a regular basis, those “trads” of which you speak have lost all sense of proportion, and commit sins against charity, of culumny, and detraction, against a man who is barely the Pope for a few hours before they start in on him, in many cases hiding behind pseudonyms, like the sniveling cowards that they are. What they really deserve is a kick in the pants, every last one of them. Shame on them all!

  • stahrman

    The new pope is a Freemason and Mormom???? I would suspect your are smoking something less than legal.

  • http://www.thecatholicbeat.com Gail Finke

    ” The pope’s given middle name is “Mario” which indicates that he is one of the “Mario Brothers” of video game fame.” HA HA HA HA HA. I don’t know why the “be-ribboned maniple” cracks me up so much but it just KILLS me. Duane Mandible is not my favorite guest blogger but I really do look forward to D.M. posts.
    “He also did not stand up very straight.” Hee hee hee.

  • Fr. Dwight Longenecker

    Thanks. I sometimes get a few bricks thrown my way because I poke fun at the “rad trads”. In fact, like you, I’m basically on their side, but when they descend into nastiness they are their own worst enemies. Fancy judging a new pope on whether he wears this particular extra vestment or not!

  • Fr. Dwight Longenecker

    I know I mustn’t laugh at my own jokes, but I was particular fond of “he did not wear the mozzarella or the slipperia rubum”

  • http://awindowonthewest.blogspot.com Maggie

    I love this! I think I like him even better than Mantilla the Hon.

  • Teresa Mills

    Time will tell and history will b e the judge of whether he serves the people as a representative of Jesus Christ or not. Jesus was a humble man and we need to give this pope a chance to see what he is like. We are not with out fault and I am sure that there will be times when some will judge him for being human. I wish him well and may God Bless him and the church.

  • Teresa Mills

    Get a grip on reality. What does the Bible say and stick with it and don’t be led astray by all of this nonsence. God rules and He will be the final judge. God is in control be happy.

  • Donna O.

    Ha, that Duane Thorax guy is too funny!

  • Marye

    ” Our own Pope Linus will soon be issuing a statement from his home in Bishop’s Stortford in England regarding this pretender to the chair of St Peter. In it he will stress the importance of the Western Ambrosianic Rite (non-collegian) and the institution of the be-ribboned maniple.”

    Perhaps at some future point, we will have Pope Linuses explication of the “Western Ambrosianic Rite (non-collegian) and the institution of the be-ribboned maniple?” Please . . . .?

  • john

    My message:

    Relax. God is in charge – are you forgetting that? Are you forgetting that He permits things as He sees fit, not as we see them?
    Let me ask you this: What if Pope Francis purges the Church of homosexual priests and bishops, starting with the Curia and then throughout the world? What if next Tuesday Francis refuses communion to abortion advocates Joe Biden and Nancy Pelosi, and charges every bishop to do the same throughout their diocese for every public official who give scandal to the Church?

    What if Francis engages President Obama on the evils of the healthcare mandate on contraception with the same directness he engaged President Kirchner in Argentina on same sex “marriage”? What if the Holy Spirit has decided that a 76 year old humble man with one lung who models himself after St. Francis is the one He will raise up to challenge the evils that are engulfing the world?

    We simply can’t know what will happen. The only thing you are charged with personally is to love the Lord with all you heart, mind, and soul, to keep His commandments, and to obey the teaching of His Church. You have control over those things (and if you don’t, you can pray for the grace to of the Holy Spirit to get control of them.) You are charged with persevering to the end, whatever the state of the world, or the state of the Church.

    So lighten up. Give the new Pope a chance. You’re not expecting much, so you won’t be disappointed; but maybe you’ll be surprised. Know that there are many who sympathize with you on the state of the Church, but we have Christ’s guarantee that He will not abandon His bride. That should be enough for you.

    Pax vobiscum!
    Fr. Dwight

  • m e wood

    I loved this. Can you tell us more of the Western Ambrosianic rite?

  • Mike M

    I think that many of the “trads” would do well to remember that there are a number of great saints known for having fierce disagreements on certain matters (St. Ambrose and St. Jerome, for example). On many matters, I agree with the traditionalists, and I’m not one to shy away from saying something when I disagree with someone (even a Pope). But, we’d all be better off if we accepted that good and holy men might have different opinions about things like vestments. I get the impression that there are several matters on which I will think that Pope Francis is wrong… I also get the impression that he’s a holy man, and much holier than I.

  • Jack


    please try to understand why many trads are the way they are today, there were scorned, mocked and persecuted for over 40 years because they wanted to worship according to the way their frrefathers did, actually took Church teachings seriously and took part in traditional devotions. If you took time to help heal the wounds they have suffered then you might have a cause to criticise them.

  • Jack

    Father as you once said ‘furniture matters’, if i may use an analogy what would royalists in England think of Prince Charles if he presided over the Trooping of Colour in jeans and a T-shirt? With cardinal Mahoney praising the lack of liturgical reverence of the New holy father our warning antenna start to sound.

    As for mocking Trads, my point about healing wounds that I made to David applies doubly to you as a Priest, we have been scorned and teated like lepers for almost half a century, human nature being what it is are you suprised if we start to give as good as we take? May I also point out that I find Duane Mandible as a whole to be idiotic, if you really want trads to stop being nasty then I suggest that you stop mocking us and address our concerns to the point where we start to feel that we don’t have to worry about the prospect of prelates stabbing us in the back given half a chance; mocking us and calling us names (even through an alter ego) is likely to only reinforce our perception that everyone else outside our own fraternity hates us. Show us love, understanding and respect and we will respond (given a little time) with Love, understanding and respect, this is basic psychology for crying out loud.

  • Fr. Dwight Longenecker

    I am not mocking those who value the church traditions, but people who combine their love of tradition with conspiracy theories, schismatic like attitudes and narrow minded self righteousness. If a person can’t have a sense of humor about himself and his preferences, there’s something wrong, and if you’re not as crazy as Duane, then have a good laugh at him. That’s the point of satire.

  • Fr. Dwight Longenecker

    I am told by Duane that the details of the Western Ambrosianic Rite (not collegian) are only revealed to initiates.

  • http://manwithblackhat.blogspot.com/ David L Alexander

    Jack: I am fifty-eight years old. I learned to serve the “Old Mass” when it was just “The Mass.” There is nothing you cannot tell me that I have not already seen, heard, felt, and/or argued against, to the detriment of social acceptance.

    My point is, we’re winning. Get used to it. And read this …


    … slowly.

  • Richard M

    The internet draws the . . . well, the highly revved up, in disproportionate numbers.

    I don’t think that the response we’ve seen on a few blogs and forums is reflective of traditionalists overall. Certainly I saw nothing like first hand it in the two traditionalist parishes I have spent time in since the election.

  • Razor

    Peter or Pietro is not his middle name in the modern sense, it’s a patronym. The name “Francesco di Pietro di Bernardone” just says he was the son of Pietro di Bernardone.

  • RadtradMe-can

    Oh father, I couldn’t stop laughing after I read that part!